Ruining a child is to indulge him in junk happiness .

Ruining a child is to indulge him in "junk happiness".

A few days ago, there was a hot search on Weibo that attracted a lot of attention.

In Qingdao, Shandong, a 14-year-old girl suddenly died of sudden cardiac death when she was in bed with her grandmother in the hospital.

After understanding, I found out that it was the girl who was obsessed with mobile phones during the winter vacation, and her parents wanted her to go to the hospital to accompany her grandmother in bed in order to control her mobile phone addiction, but she didn't expect it to backfire, and the child became even more obsessed, and she almost died suddenly after continuing to play with her mobile phone for 81 hours, and she brushed shoulders with death.

With the popularity of smartphones, there are more and more children who are addicted to mobile phones, and there have been countless parent-child conflicts and tragedies caused by this in recent years

In Liaoning, a junior high school girl was addicted to mobile games, swiped off her family's 60,000 savings a month, and committed suicide by jumping from the balcony due to fear and guilt;

A 15-year-old girl in Hangzhou jumped from the 19th floor and died on the spot after an argument with her family over the use of her mobile phone;

A second-year junior high school student in Beijing, due to unsatisfactory grades, his father confiscated his mobile phone, and after asking for it to no avail, he committed suicide by jumping off a building;

I believe that many people have had such an experience, originally planned to play a game, brush 20 minutes short **, but accidentally wasted most of the day, and willingly indulged in it.

We get timely feedback from a variety of short content and games that stimulate the brain and secrete dopamine that makes people feel happy.

For children with immature minds and poor self-control, short-term happiness will invisibly tempt them to become addicted, and after becoming a "time killer", they will begin to destroy children's independent thinking ability and self-motivation, so that they will gradually lose their ability to learn and waste their time in junk happiness.

I still think of my friend's son, and I still can't help but sigh:

When he was in junior high school, his son got good grades and was admitted to the best high school in the city.

But in the second year of high school, friends and couples went to other places to do business, and they bought their son the most advanced mobile phone, originally thinking that it would be convenient to contact the child, but they didn't know that their son was addicted to a game and couldn't extricate himself, and his academic performance plummeted.

Remorseful, the friend confiscated his son's mobile phone and transferred him to a closed school.

Even so, it didn't help, what made matters worse was that his son also met the gangsters from other schools in the Internet café outside the school, fooled around with them during the holidays, and borrowed money to buy himself a mobile phone, although he mixed up with the college entrance examination, he was only admitted to a junior college in the end.

A child who should have a great future, but because he fell headlong into garbage happiness, he gave his life to endless games.

In the era of science and technology, it is impossible for parents to create a sterile environment for their children without mobile phone contact, and mobile phones are not a flood beast, what really destroys children is the "garbage happiness" they indulge in.

Children's growth is irreversible, education only has one chance, at the age when they should be studying hard, indulge in games, greedy for pleasure, and eventually will only destroy their future.

Parents, as the first responsible person for their children, should not just shirk responsibility when their children are addicted to mobile games: "Games have ruined so many teenagers, why not ban games?" ”

Instead, we should reflect on our own education methods and ask ourselves, "Why is my child addicted to mobile phones?" Why other people's children don't fall into "junk fun". ”

Why are some children prone to "junk fun"?

There was a passage circulating on the Internet:

Forty years ago, people exclaimed that martial arts would destroy the next generation;

Thirty years ago, people exclaimed that the pop would ruin the next generation;

Twenty years ago, people exclaimed that TV shows would ruin the next generation;

Ten years ago, people were exclaiming that computers and games would ruin the next generation;

Now, people are starting to exclaim that mobile phones will ruin the next generation of ......

But the history of human development proves thatNo force can destroy the next generation, except the last.

Psychologist Zeng Qifeng once conducted a live interview with a family addicted to games, and the child said at the time: In addition to sleeping, I basically play games or chat online every day.

When Mr. Zeng asked him what the Internet can bring you?

The child replied

"I can't hear my parents' verbosity, they themselves play with their mobile phones every day, but they know how important it is to study all day long, and they also warn those classmates who go to the Internet café with me not to play with me, which makes me very shameless. ”

Children's addiction to mobile phones is just the surface, and the family education behind it is the root.

Growing up in these three family environments, children are more likely to be addicted to mobile phones, and parents can check themselves, change if they have them, and encourage them if they don't.

The first type of family: demeaning education, so that children lack value identity.

Facts have proved that blind percussive education can only blow to children, and there is no education at all.

Children who grow up in this kind of family, lack of parental affirmation and recognition from an early age, when children can not find self-confidence in school and family, it is easy to indulge in the virtual world of mobile games, trying to find confidence and a sense of achievement, the strong contrast between the real world and the virtual world, will make children only want to indulge in the virtual world with high value identity.

The second type of family: lack of companionship and communication, broken parent-child relationship, is most likely to trigger children's rebellious psychology.

According to the report "Research on the Cognition and Attitude of Primary and Secondary Schools and Their Parents on Online Games" released by the China Youth Research Center, children's game addiction is closely related to the parent-child relationship, and the worse the parent-child relationship, the more likely it is to lead to children's online game addiction.

On the contrary, the more intimate parents and children are, and the more they know how to accompany and care for their children, the less likely their children will be to indulge in online games.

Only when parents truly care about their children and respond to their requests in a timely manner can they communicate effectively with their children and increase their sense of security.

The third type of family: "100% control of the education law", at most control the child's middle and high school, once the child goes to college, the child will be repulsed after leaving the parents.

In real life, there are many children who, after being admitted to key universities, fail their courses because of their addiction to games, and even drop out of school in serious cases.

A large part of the reason is that the parents of these children interfere excessively with their children in middle and high school, so that the children completely lose their freedom and privacy.

Parents with a strong desire to control tend to bring out children with extremely weak self-control, and when they are unsupervised, they are more likely to indulge in things that their parents opposed before.

All the inappropriate parenting methods of parents will only cause more rifts in the parent-child relationship and children's mental health.

Parents are a wall between children and "junk happy".

Wu Jun said in "The Road to University".

"The most terrible thing about education is to use the ideas of the previous generation to educate the people of the present to meet the future in 20 years. ”

A qualified and responsible parent can often keep pace with the times, continue to learn and grow, and find nourishment conducive to the growth of children in the convenient Internet, only in this way can parents become a wall between children and "junk happiness".

1. Establish rules, set the time for using mobile phones, and unite the parents on both sides.

From the moment parents give their children a mobile phone, they should agree on a time to play with the mobile phone.

For example, on a weekly basis.

Set a fixed mobile phone time on the first, third, fifth, and daily days, which can be within an hour after completing the homework.

Telling your child that they can make a list of things they need to do when they play with their phone, and that they can complete the list when they get their phone, will not only teach them to "delay gratification", but also allow them to prioritize and look at their phones with purpose.

In addition, the unity of parents' opinions is the premise and guarantee for the smooth implementation of mobile phone home rules.

Li Meijin said:

"You only need one voice to manage your child. ”

If parents compromise more times, children will not internalize "I play with my mobile phone for a time limit" as their own code of conduct, so as not to indulge in mobile phones when no one is restrained.

2. Sieve resources, with the help of platform advantages, find high-quality resources, broaden children's horizons, and increase knowledge.

We all know that many platforms are algorithmic mechanisms, and if you like**which**, the platform will recommend more users and content of the same type to your homepage to attract your attention.

If we often work with our children to learn more about science, humanities and history, and improve their cognitive abilities, they will not be led by some vulgar and boring content.

Here are some high-quality documentaries and TED Talks recommended for everyone, parents can collect them, and accompany their children in their free time during the holidays

Popular Science in Nature:"Earth Pulse", "Blue Planet", "Frozen Planet", "Human Planet", "Chinese Plants Affecting the World".

Humanities History:"General History of China", "World History", "Hexi Corridor", "Daming Palace", "From Qin Shi Huang to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty", "China", "Dunhuang".

Read Literature:"China in the Classics", "But There Are Books", "Words" from Meeting You", "Books in Brief Reading China".

Edutainment:"Chinese Choir", "Traveling with Books", "How to Tell This Painting", "Those Things in History".

TED Talks:"How do excellent people train their brains", "How to correct your life when you are confused", "How to control your free time", "20 years old will not come again", "Three tips to boost confidence", "To become a better self, please stop comparing yourself with others", "How to focus on important things", "Be a brave girl", "How to defeat loneliness and negative energy", "Addicted to junk happiness, self-discipline and self-abuse can't save you", "The harder you work, the luckier you are".

As one class teacher put it:

"Whether it's a phone, a game, or a game, what they do depends entirely on how we open it. ”

3. To set an example, parents should not be addicted to mobile phones in the first place.

Teacher Luo Xiang once asked netizens: Do you like to listen to hilarious jokes, or do you like to read Shakespeare?

Many people did not hesitate to choose the former.

Again: What if you choose one for your child?

Almost all of them chose Shakespeare.

But the reality is that it is difficult for parents who are keen to make hilarious jokes to raise children who love to read.

What kind of person a child eventually becomes depends on how well the parents behave in front of the child.

On the road of education, parents should lead by example, stop educating their children by mouth, please set an example with actions to drive their children away from garbage and happiness.

Click[Like].I hope that all parents can be good "rescuers" for their children, help their children remove the obstacles to garbage and happiness, gallop in the runway of life, and be worthy of every inch of time in the years of struggle!

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