There is a term in psychology called the "people-pleaser" personality. It is to gain the favor, affirmation and appreciation of others through grievances and sacrifices, so as to determine one's own sense of worth.
In the system, some people have a serious "pleaser" personality, that is, no matter who asks him to do something, he agrees, and he doesn't think about whether he can do it well, and he is embarrassed to refuse.
I thought to myself, he was looking for me, and I was embarrassed to refuse, so I'll help him write a material, I'll help him make a table, and I'll help him get a courier......He won't be looking for me next time.
In the long run, such people have more and more workloads, and anyone can move, and they are too busy with their own work, and they have to help others work, and they are getting more and more tired.
1. Don't let embarrassment hurt you
The essence of "pleasing personality" is that you are embarrassed to reject others, and there are generally two situations when you are embarrassed to reject others: one is that your personality is relatively soft and you don't dare in your heart; The second is to ask for something, eager to pay in return.
Newcomers who have just entered the system, who have just arrived in an unfamiliar environment, always want to be diligent, leave a good impression on others, and please others. I thought that if I rejected others, I might offend people and affect my reputation and development in the unit.
In fact, this is all a failure to see the essence of things, and the key person who determines whether he can progress is the leader of the unit.
If the leader says you can do it, you will do it; If the leader says you can't do it, you just can't do it; You can't do it, but if the leader says you can do it, then you have to do it if you can't.
This fully illustrates the importance of the number one leader in our promotion, and other leaders can only say good things about you, even the leaders in charge.
Therefore, don't offend the top leader if you offend anyone, we often see some people with poor mass foundation and not very good popularity, but they are still promoted, this is the reason.
In the system, if you don't want to pursue progress and want to lie down, as long as you don't make mistakes in principle, Tianwang Lao Tzu can't do anything to you, it will only affect your reputation and development.
Doing one's duty and not deliberately pleasing anyone is a way to live at ease. Don't worry about you rejecting him today, tomorrow he will give you little shoes.
The work is no longer easy, and there is really no need to compromise in order to please everyone, and refuse when it is time to refuse.
Second, we must learn to refuse
As I said just now, some people don't know how to refuse, whether it is a person or a ghost, they can assign him a job, and anyone can use him.
We must learn to reject others flexibly and skillfully, what should we refuse and what should not be refused?
1. Refuse to violate the regulations.
When we are in our daily work, our leaders sometimes ask us to do things that do not comply with laws and regulations. For example: the leader asks you to use financial funds in violation of regulations and make false accounts in violation of regulations;
At this time, don't dare to refuse just because the other party is a leader. He is a leader, and he knows a hundred times more about the rules and regulations than you, and letting you do it is nothing more than wanting to get rid of him, and even some leaders will directly throw the blame on their subordinates if they have problems.
People's hearts are separated from their bellies, and we must also learn to protect ourselves at critical moments.
Xiao Wang of our unit is a junior officer of the personnel department, and he has done a good job in this regard.
At that time, an old director who was about to be promoted approached Xiao Wang to check other people's personnel files, and the old director was not Xiao Wang's direct leader, but the two had a good relationship in private.
I thought Xiao Wang would be full of promises, but I didn't expect him to say this: "The file can be checked, but please go through the procedures first."
The old director asked what the procedures were, and Xiao Wang said that he had to find the director of the personnel department and the leader in charge to sign, and he had to issue a written reason for checking the reason. As soon as the old director heard this, he said, "Okay, then I'll come back again, but I didn't check the file again."
In fact, many times the other party is just a temptation, and it is best to be accommodating, and if it doesn't work, just give up.
Within the system, we must not be foolish enough to take the words of any leader as a holy decree and let us do whatever we want.
In particular, in the positions of archives, personnel, finance, and confidentiality, it is even more necessary to adhere to the principle and not have a fluke mentality, because once something happens, it is very likely that they will put their own future into it.
If you refuse at first, there will definitely be people who will not understand you, and even sacrifice the good impression of others on you, but after a long time, everyone will know that you are a principled person.
When the boundaries are not clear, people will naturally choose to do things in the way that is most beneficial to them. If a person knows how to refuse and has principles, he will be kidnapped less and less by human favors, and his work and life will be much more efficient.
2. Refuse difficult things.
When people ask us to help with things, there are always some tricky things that we can't control.
If you don't refuse at this time and agree to it, the result may be a lot of effort, and it may not necessarily be satisfactory to the other party, and you may not be able to make an unreliable complaint in the end.
Instead of making the other party full of expectations and disappointed, it is better to tell the truth at the beginning, at most because you are embarrassed at the time, and you can get along with each other afterwards.
3. Thankless things should be refused.
Some things are limited in our ability, and those things that we can do, do we agree or not? It still depends on the person.
The first is to look at things. If this matter can exercise our core strength in the workplace and do not delay our own work, we can naturally help. For example, participating in the venue layout and reception of important meetings can allow you to expand your knowledge, familiarize yourself with the process, and brush up on your sense of existence. If this matter has no gold content and you have to work overtime and finally make a wedding dress for others, you should refuse.
The second is to look at people. If the other party has helped us or knows how to be grateful, we can lend a helping hand without affecting ourselves, but if the other party is a person who only knows what he says is good, but actually treats others as fools, he still has to decisively refuse.
You can be kind, but your kindness can't be cheap. In short, children who can cry in the workplace have candy to eat, and children who can't cry can only suffer dumb losses.
As a result of being a good baby in the workplace, you often become a gas bag, a trash can, and an old scalper. The first thing that comes to mind is you, because they know that you will not refuse only if they are assigned to you.