Session 1: How to find the bottom line.
Why do we need to look for the bottom line? From the perspective of Guiguzi longitudinal and horizontal, the bottom line can be divided into three levels: the value bottom line, the psychological bottom line and the authority bottom line. The criteria for these three types of bottom lines vary across different relationships.
The value floor is the minimum exchange standard, which measures the minimum value demand based on the amount of effort and return. Obviously, from the perspective of interests, the other party's bottom-line value transaction is the lowest cost transaction method. This is like purchasing goods, the other party's psychological bottom line is 80% off, you can understand that his bottom line is the best purchase price in 20% off procurement, if you purchase at 9% off, although it is lower than the normal retail price, but lose 10% of the opportunity benefits.
The psychological bottom line is based on the psychological tolerance of the emotional aspect, and different people have different tolerances to the stimuli and pressure brought by the outside world. When this kind of stimulation and pressure is beyond the range of the individual, emotional out-of-control can occur. For example, when we joke with others, some people can face it calmly when they are sarcastic and mocked, and even adjust the atmosphere in a self-deprecating way, while some people may collapse to the point of turning their faces directly.
The bottom line of authority is that a person must maintain absolute control within a certain range, and if this control is threatened, he will use the power he can mobilize to eliminate the threat. In reality, when their control is threatened, they will be resistant and unjustifiably aggressive. The bottom line of this authority of different people is completely different, some people have a strong sense of their own boundaries, and even show a relatively strong offensive ** to violate the boundaries and interests of others, while others have a vague or even no sense of boundaries.
If we don't understand the other person's bottom line when we interact with people, there are two possible outcomes. One is that you can't achieve the desired effect, and the other is that you may suffer because you don't know the other party's bottom line. Because if the other party's bottom line is touched, the other party may reject it, and in extreme cases, it can lead to the breakdown of the relationship or the failure of an important negotiation.
Another situation is that if you don't know the bottom line of the other party, you can't figure it out, and you may have paid a lot and received little in return, so you are waiting to suffer. Therefore, understanding people's bottom lines is very important for us when interacting with people.
To understand the other party's bottom line, we must first clarify what the bottom line is. There is a sentence in "Guiguzi Chapter": "When he is very happy, he will be extremely desired; and when he is terrified, he shall be exceedingly wicked. "This means that we need to focus on two aspects when interacting with people: one is what the other person likes; The second is what the other party doesn't like. To put it simply, the so-called bottom line is the balance between what a person wants and what he is willing to pay. This not only helps us understand a person's behavior pattern, but also determines whether the behavior is effective.
However, different people will have individual differences in judging what they get and what they give. Therefore, if we can understand this balance and understand the bottom line of the other person when we interact with people, then we can be aware of it when we are negotiating or dealing with things.
To understand a person's bottom line, we need to do three things: first, find out what makes the other person happy; Second, observe what the other person is afraid of; Finally, find a balance between the two. This balance varies from person to person. If the waiter is still grinning after receiving the eight hundred dollars and asking if they want to add a little more, then it could mean that you are giving too much of an amount for you. In this case, you can choose to continue with the purchase in another one. However, in this store, you may be embarrassed to bargain for less than 800 yuan, because obviously 800 yuan is too high.
On the other hand, if the waiter seems unhappy or uncomfortable, it could mean that the ** you gave is close to their bottom line. They may decline** and start raising the price. For example, if you offer $800 and they don't sell, it means you've tested below the other party's reserve price. You can add two hundred dollars and then give a thousand dollars. Observe the waiter's expression, if their expression softens, it means that the amount you gave is about the same, and you can't add more. If the waiter's expression is still uncomfortable, it means that they are still reluctant to sell. At this point, you can add $100 a second time to give $1,150 for **.
To sum up, the three angles to test the bottom line are:
1.A sign of pleasure and pleasure in the other person.
2.Something the other person fears, worries about, or doesn't want.
3.Find the balance between the two sides, that is, the consensus point. As long as the buyer feels that it is worth the money, he does not have to care about how much the seller makes; It doesn't matter how much the seller makes if he thinks it's appropriate.
For example, some friends have been working for the company for two years, and their monthly salary of 5,000 yuan has not increased. They want their boss to get a raise, which is also a process of testing the bottom line. The bottom line may be whether and how much of a raise will be appropriate for your boss.
If you ask too much, not only will you not get a raise, but you may also ruin your relationship with your boss. If the requirements are too low and you can't get another salary increase in the short term, you will also suffer. In this case, after finding the boss, the boss will often say that he will consider it, and neither directly agree nor directly refuse. So how do you test the bottom line? You can ask your boss for a specific time and amount. If the boss says to consider it, you can ask when exactly it is good to think about it? It's Monday, can I check on Saturday? In addition, you can ask your boss for specific data, such as how much is appropriate for me. In this way, I have a bottom in my heart or I roughly know which range it is. It turned out that I earned 5,000 yuan, do you add 8,000 yuan or 10,000 yuan to me?
The boss will most likely say too much, this one can't give that much. Then ask him if eight thousand is okay? The boss said that eight thousand is still too much, but you can consider it. That's basically the boss's bottom line.
If the boss says eight thousand is too much, it is impossible to give you that much. Then continue to ask how much is appropriate?
So the three steps to test the bottom line are: the boss wants you to pay as little as possible and work as much as possible; He was worried that his staffing costs would be too high, and at the same time, he was worried that he would not be able to retain people and no one would do the work. Giving everyone a salary increase can cause the company to lose money and become unbearable; However, some people are more capable and may quit if they do not increase their salary. He wants to hire people and wants to pay the minimum cost, so what should he do? He will measure how much each person contributes, and deciding how much to give you depends on how much you contribute in proportion to your income. This is a relatively objective standard, and other employees also think it is fair in their eyes, and they will also use this standard to measure how much money they can make. The ancients said that rewards and punishments are clear, and this is the truth.
In the case of testing the bottom line, if you can't do it yourself, it may lead to communication failure and loss.
Section 2: The Need to Set a Bottom Line.
In life, not everything has a clear bottom line. For example, as parents, we want our children to do well in their studies, and we also want them to be able to learn easily and happily. However, there is no clear standard for these two aspects, as the degree of ease and the quality of the results are subjective feelings.
In this case, parents need to give a measurable bottom line. However, there can only be one standard, not two, because once there are two standards, there can be a conflict. For example, you can ask your child for a daily study plan or how many points to improve. However, these two aspects cannot be demanded at the same time, because no one can guarantee a definite result at a certain time. One must be flexible and the other must be fixed between the process and the result, so that it can be more operational and practical. It's like a worker in a factory who is either paid on a piece-rate basis or paid a monthly wage on an eight-hour workday. If both the daily workload and the working hours are required, there will be two situations, some people finish the day's work in half a day, and some people can't finish the prescribed work when they get off work.
For the cases of children's learning, you can set a standard bottom line for children, such as whether they can mention the top five this semester. Parents then need to support their children in accomplishing their goals. You can ask your child what they need help from their parents, ask them to ask for it, and then the parents and children will work together to achieve the goals set.
Another way is to set a study time for your child. When you get home from school, stipulate how long you want to do your homework and how long you want to play. Give a stipulation, that's a bottom line. You can play for an hour or two a day, and the rest of the time needs to be learned. If this standard is set, there will be no more requirements for a child's academic performance or class rank. Because you don't know if the set time plan supports the improvement of your child's academic performance.
The above two methods are called goal-setting floors and process-setting floors, respectively. In general, you can choose a suitable way for different people and things. In general, for people with strong independence, the way is more suitable for the goal; For people with dependency or low self-confidence, it is suitable for a process-based approach. The higher the position, the smarter and the higher the education, the more suitable it is to use a targeted approach; The lower the position, the more stupid, the less educated, or the less educated the person, the more suitable for the process-based approach.
Choosing either way is a process of movement and stillness. Setting goals means that the goals are fixed and unchanging, but the behavioral process is resilient; Setting up a process means that the way of action is fixed, but different people who perform the same process can get completely different results.
The worst-case scenario is that there are requirements for both goals and processes. This can easily lead to management confusion or confusion for others. Therefore, an effective bottom-line setting should be either goal-only or process-only. I inquired about their situation and found out that the conflict between the couple stemmed from the woman's dissatisfaction with the man. No matter how hard the man tries, the woman always feels dissatisfied. She disliked the man's low income from work, was not satisfied with her in-laws' pension, and even felt that the gifts given to him on his birthday were not good enough. Everything, as long as she feels dissatisfied, can trigger her anger and hysteria.
In the eyes of the woman, the man seems to be worthless. His ability to work, his relationships, and his sense of family responsibility are not as good as they could be. In short, there seems to be no bottom line in her demands. However, having no bottom line means never being satisfied. This makes the man feel confused and helpless, and he does not know how to deal with the relationship with his wife. He either avoids communication or lashes out when his wife is emotional. This puts their marriage in jeopardy.
In life, if a person has no bottom line at all, or the bottom line is not clear, then he may feel at a loss and do not know how to deal with problems. Therefore, we need to be clear about our bottom line. For example, in this case, the man should make it clear to his wife what is negotiable and what is non-negotiable in the family relationship. The salary income of parents is an objective fact and cannot be changed at will. If you talk about this, it is vexatious.
Of course, in Guiguzi's thinking: unreasonable trouble, there must be a plan. There is no such thing as vexatious trouble in this world. Almost all of the vexatious troubles are their own purpose and cannot be seen in the light, and they achieve the goal of not being able to get the table in an unreasonable way.
A person's income status has a bottom line, and it is impossible to improve it indefinitely. Compared with Zhang San, you earn 10,000 yuan, which is not as good as others, too little. Compared with Li Si, earning 100,000 yuan may not be as good as others, and compared with that Wang Er Mazi, you earn 1 million a year, which may still seem like a drizzle. It is impossible for a person to change his income situation in an instant, let alone become rich overnight.
In today's society, there is a big gap between the rich and the poor, and no matter how much you earn, there are people who are better than you. On the other hand, no matter how well you mix in this society, there are always many people who are worse than you.
I told the man that you need to communicate with your wife to clarify what are the key points of her dissatisfaction, you draw your bottom line, what can be done and what cannot be done, what can be adjusted and changed. What is the bottom line that you can't challenge, the place that can never be changed. Don't mention this kind of thing again, otherwise the conflict can't be resolved, and you can only get a divorce.
Here's another example. When many mothers work from home as freelancers or owners of self-run companies, they often do not have clear working hours and income standards. At this time, you need to set a standardized bottom line and goal for yourself. For example, how much money you make this month means what kind of products you choose to support your goals; How long you work per week, how much time you take off, etc. If you don't draw this line, you may fall into two misunderstandings: first, over-fatigue and unrestricted work will lead to more gains than losses; Second, it is a waste of time and low efficiency.
In the second section, we looked at how to deal with the complex problems in life that cannot be measured by a clear bottom-line standard. In this case, we need to set our own boundaries and standards. Whether it's spending time with family members in the family or interacting with others in society, people who know how to set standards and boundaries for themselves become more mature.