1 Playing chess with my wife at night, for the sake of fairness, I said that I would not take the elephant across the river, the horse went to the field, and the soldiers ran around, and my wife said: I don't need to play these chess pieces with you, I laughed and said let's start, who knew that she picked up my taxi and ate my old handsome, saying that this is the undercover ...... she arranged for me to be aroundUndercover!
2 Man: "Be my girlfriend!" Woman: "It's up to you?" Man: "I can get a train ticket for the Spring Festival return ......."Woman: "Really! You'll be my boyfriend from now on! ”
3. My colleague's wife has just given birth to a baby, and the whole family has come to visit the ward. The colleague hugged the baby and shouted excitedly: "Great, it's my son!" His wife was upset and said, "What, patriarchy? The colleague hurriedly explained: "No, if you give birth to a daughter, when she grows up and is abducted by a beast, how distressing it is......."When the old man on the side heard this, he suddenly sighed and said, "Yes, it's really distressing!" ”
4 I look alike to my dad, which is good, but there are also a lot of troubles. For example, after my mother quarreled with my dad, my mother got angry when she saw the similar faces of me and my dad, and scolded me too!
5. The mother often scolds her son for being stupid. On this day, my mother scolded Erbao again: "Why are you as stupid as a dog, you can't even find your own shoes!" ”
Unexpectedly, the family dog actually held Erbao's shoes and put them in front of his mother.
From then on, my mother would no longer say that Erbao was as stupid as a dog, but would only say when she was taming a dog: "Why are you as stupid as Erbao!" ”
6 The lights went out at 10 o'clock in school, and the wonderful roommate shouted at 10 o'clock in 5 seconds: Hello everyone, I am the No. 2 male guest, my name is xxx (the name of another roommate), please leave the light if you like me! Then the dormitory building, the lights went out, and then I was giggling!
7When I was waiting for the bus at the bus stop, I met a beggar with a rice bowl. Seeing that the beggar had sound limbs and muscular muscles, he said, "This kind of person is really useless!" Begging every day, not going out to find a stable job. Unexpectedly, the beggar glared at me angrily and said, "You are not productive, I have a monthly salary of more than 10,000 yuan now, and I have already bought a car and a house." You're still on the bus, you're useless. "I am ashamed to say a word!
8 That day, I accidentally farted in front of my wife, and my wife stared at me.
I had an idea, opened the fart software and said, "Wife, that's the sound of the fart software!" ”
My wife happily said, "Where is your software, and I don't have any taste for it?!" ”
Teacher 9: "Students, why can rockets go to the sky?" Who can answer this question. After a long time, no one answered. After Xiao Ming, who had just dozed off, woke up, he stood up as soon as he asked the classmate next to him: "Teacher, this question is too simple." The teacher was surprised: "Then please answer!" "Teacher, you think the rocket's butt is on fire, can it not jump into the sky? ”
10 female colleagues asked Xiao Li: "Xiao Li, how is your relationship with your daughter-in-law?" ”
Xiao Li: "Let me tell you this, my wife and I are people who have experienced life and death together!" ”
Female colleague: "Then the relationship between husband and wife must be very good, right?" ”
Xiao Li: "I mean, we had several quarrels, and we almost died together!" ”
Female colleague: "....
11. A man secretly played with his mobile phone during the day, and immediately played with his mobile phone again when he got home after picking up his children from work. The wife couldn't bear it anymore and finally broke out, scolding: "Play and play! Play every day! When will you find out that the child is not your own! When the man heard this, he was furious: "...I've been suspicious for a long time, and you finally dare to admit it! Wife: "Why don't I dare admit it!" You go to the living room and take a look, it's your son who picked you up from kindergarten.
12 This morning I took the bus to work, there were a lot of people, and then an aunt came up, I gave her a seat, and the aunt sat down happily and said: I didn't expect you to look good, but your heart is very good.
I ......Auntie, are you going to fight?