1. My mother wore a new pair of jeans in the morning, and my baby said: Grandma is so beautiful! The mother smiled from ear to ear and said: What does a three-year-old know that he is beautiful in a pair of jeans? Patting the sycophant next to my father: That is, if you know anything at the age of three, you will talk nonsense! Mom ignored Dad for a day!
Teacher 2: "When do you wake up during the summer vacation?" ”
Boy: "When the first rays of sunlight come through my window, I get up. ”
Teacher: "Isn't that too early?" ”
Boy: "Oh, my house is west-facing. ”
3*** and her husband have been married for five years and have never cooked, and once *** was sick and hospitalized, and the doctor asked me to strengthen nutrition. So his husband bought ribs and went home to make them. **I'm very happy to think: This is my husband's first time cooking, no matter whether it's delicious or not, I have to say it's delicious. When *** opened the lunch box, he was stunned, and there were only four or five ribs in it. Q: What's going on? How is it so little? Her husband said: I don't know if it's ripe or not, so I tasted it while making it, and in the end that's all I was left with.
4A young man came home in the middle of the night and tried to take a shortcut, but he fell into a newly dug grave. After a while, a drunken man staggered into the graveyard and heard someone shouting from under the grave: "I'm about to freeze here." Drunkard: "I told you!" You kicked the dirt off your body, can you not freeze? ”
5a: Now when I see my dog, I want to kill him.
B: Why?
A: The day before yesterday, my wife went back to her parents' house, I was sleeping lazy, the dead dog didn't know where to get a lace**, just put it next to the bed, my wife came back and saw....
I knelt for two days, and just now I saw it come back with a **...
6. Couples haven't seen each other for three months, what is the first thing they do when they meet?
For girls, shopping is the favorite thing, even if I don't buy anything, I like to go shopping, and I don't see my boyfriend in March, and the first thing I do when I meet is to take my boyfriend shopping. Tired legs and feet don't want to walk at all, and feel weak in the whole leg and foot!
7I got up and finished my meal, and said to my mother, "Mom, I'm hungry." ”
My mom would say, "Whatever you want to eat, mom will make it for you." ”
My brother got up and finished his meal and said to my mother, "Mom, I'm hungry." ”
My mom would say, "I can't afford to call you for a long time, you deserve it." ”
It looks like the family is still treated like a girl!
8 You men do not have a good thing!
My ex-girlfriend suddenly asked me to borrow money, I said that the ATM was broken, she said that she was in a hurry to use the money, and asked me not to joke. I asked her what she was borrowing money for? Ex-girlfriend: My boyfriend is still short of 20,000 yuan for a different car. Can you lend it to me? The ATM is broken and you can go to the counter to withdraw money. Me: My bank card has also been changed, my phone is also broken, and I can't transfer money. The ex-girlfriend is unhappy: it can't be borrowed money, can you lend me the car? Me: The car broke down too! Ex-girlfriend angry: Why is everything in yours broken? You men really don't have a good thing!
9On an ancient city wall in Shanxi, a photography enthusiast waited to set up his camera in order to capture the perfect sunrise. Unexpectedly, he waited until he dozed off, tilted his head and accidentally pressed the shutter, taking a series of blurry "art photos". After finding out, he and the photographers next to him couldn't help but laugh.
10 once with a friend to drink, from the afternoon to the evening, the white drink can not move all the change to red wine, finally I held the wine in the cup with one hand and patted his shoulder with the other, just about to say the words of the heart, he spit out all the red wine in his mouth and for absorption, he was stunned for a second, hugged his head and cried, then a miserable heartbreak, I helplessly said: "Don't you vomit me, it's okay, let's talk to whom, don't cry", he raised his head and said to me: "X, I vomit blood, I must have a terminal illness.......""I was speechless!
11My wife asked me: If a female colleague seduces you, will you be submissive?
I smiled and shook my head, hehe, who do you think of me? Am I the kind of person who will tell you what you really think?