February** Dynamic Incentive Program
"Don't Get Married" returned to work during the Spring Festival, and many young people finally justifiably fled the scene of urging marriage and childbearing. It seems to be a common fact that young people, especially women, are declining in their desire to marry and have children. Marriage and childbearing choices can be an indicative and grand topic of the times, but the mechanism for explaining why women do or do not choose to marry and have children can be simple enough – what was needed before, but not now. The attraction of "marriage" is gradually weakening, first, its original "guarantee" function, with the growth of women's consciousness, gradually no longer needs women, and even becomes contrary to women's personal development, so that it is not enough to offset the "price" of marriage and childbearing. The second is that the guarantee function itself that it was originally expected to provide is also fading, or it should be said that everyone is more soberly aware of the absence and ineffectiveness of this "guarantee". 
Narrated |Alexwood, "Don't Be Wayward" anchor and gender researcher.
* |Watch the ideal audio program "Sex Is Not Troublesome".
What was once all marriage, but now? For women, traditional marriage used to be everything, including women's livelihoods**, social and community relationships, status, endorsement of moral prestige and credit, and a range of social insurances, especially pension insurance. ActuallyWhen women in a society need to rely on marriage to achieve the protection of these many different areas, it is itself a signal that women's social security is weak and their social status is low. Therefore, when a society develops, the role of marriage in protecting women will inevitably be diluted. For example, more and more modern women are becoming financially independent and making their work and career development an important goal in life. At this time, not only do they no longer need the financial security of marriage, but they soon discover that marriage and childbearing are in conflict with their personal development goals. This is the first meaning of the popular phrase "no marriage and no childbearing to keep peace" - in the ranking of women's life needs, when marriage and childbirth are not only not a plus, but become an obstacle and consumption, then naturally more people will choose to bypass it to ensure that their more priority needs are met and developed. Studies have confirmed that women who have children take a big hit to their incomes, but men do not. According to Zhaopin's 2022 data, the prevailing gender pay gap in China is 13% lower for women than for men, and even more so among those who have children, with mothers earning 26% less than fathers. It seems that for the modern woman, having children and a family has always inevitably become the opposite of personal development. Claudia Golding, winner of the 2023 Nobel Prize in Economics, delves into the answer to this question in her book Career or Family: How does the gap between women's and men's earnings and careers occur after marriage and childbearing? 
Kim Ji-young, born in '82
First of all, we need to face the fact that women have both a career and a family, which is a new phenomenon in the patriarchal society we currently live in, less than a hundred years old. Golding traces the major changes that have taken place in the economic role of half of the population over the past 100 years, both in terms of positive progress and stubborn obstacles. For example, in the workplace of many developed countries, gender discrimination has been gradually revised through laws, corporate policies, and the cultivation of gender culture, and it can even be said that a certain degree of leapfrogging has been achieved in a few regions, and gender discrimination has become absolutely inadmissible. However, even this has not addressed gender inequality in the workplace, with the most obvious indicator being that the gender pay gap remains huge. Golding's conclusion is:The last obstacle to fair competition between men and women on the career track is the work structure itself, as well as our care mechanisms. In other words, the ultimate solution to gender inequality is nested in seemingly equal choices and issues that are not directly related to gender. Data from the United States show that recent college graduates earn very similar salaries to men and women, and in the first few years of their careers, the gender pay gap is not large, mainly because of differences in fields of study and career choices. But the slight initial salary gap is becoming more pronounced 10 years after graduating from college. When economists rule out various variables and find couples with similar starting points, the income gap tends to widen after marriage, and usually begins a year or two after the birth of the child. When a child is born, one spouse is responsible for the primary childcare and family responsibilities, and the other is trying to increase his or her income to give back to the family, which can easily lead to a gender division in which the wife is responsible for the former and the husband is responsible for the latter. Some people may say that there are many people who return to work immediately after giving birth to their wives, and childbirth does not necessarily affect work; And now more and more husbands are involved in the care of children. However, in reality, the task of family care requires caregivers to be always on call and on call, so even if people in this position work, they tend to choose positions with flexible and controllable time, low intensity, and can take care of the family at any time, or part-time; On the other hand, many of today's jobs are characterized by high hours and low flexibility, which also requires employees to be always on call and on-call, so it is difficult to match the needs of home care. In recent years, we seem to have become more sensitive to the intensity and dehumanization of work, and self-deprecating online terms such as "beating workers" have also emerged. In particular, many highly competitive positions often have irregular hours but substantial incomes, such as business, finance, law, and health care, and have strong reward and punishment mechanisms. Therefore, for people with family life, if they prioritize work and put their own life behind, they may be exchanged for high salary returns and rapid income accumulation; ButIf you have a short interruption in your career, or if you are unable to work for an extended period of time, such as part-time workCareer advancement and income levels face a structural and severe punishment, such as the opportunity for promotion and salary increase to others, or even a "promotion or leave" situation. It's the same even for ordinary positions. In her book The War for Women's Survival, Chizuruko Ueno notes that female employees who have taken parental leave tend to be evaluated lower than the year before, and that employers will reduce their overtime hours or transfer them from positions with heavier responsibilities out of "empathy" for mothers. From now on, working mothers can only be used as a "second-rate labor", trapped in the balance between work and family. And many wives feel that their husband's career is more important than their own. 
Kim Ji-young, born in '82, because of these factors, when most families have children, they will come up with the same solution to the same family economic math problem: the husband who may have a similar or slightly higher income will strengthen the work, and the wife who has temporarily interrupted work due to childbirth and maternity leave will continue to serve as the main caregiver, so as to protect or maximize the family income. If both husband and wife act as equal caregivers and both prioritize the family, then the family income will be hit hard; If both of them have to maintain equal opportunities for their own careers, then family care responsibilities cannot be juggled. Therefore, Golding pointed out that the cost of a family to take care of and maintain "conjugal fairness" is too high given the lack of public childcare facilities and maternity subsidies, the high level of oppressive work structures, and the high social and cultural norms that require women to be "good mothers". So much so that even couples who are relatively equal in gender relations can find it difficult not to slip into such a traditional gender division of labor after having children, or consciously or forcibly give up "conjugal fairness". After "returning to the family"."Husband and wife unfairness" is magnifiedSome people may say, isn't this a logical choice? And didn't both husband and wife make sacrifices, although the wife may have sacrificed a certain degree of career development, but the husband also sacrificed time with the children, isn't it also a fair "teamwork"? Studies have also found that many fathers regret not being able to spend more time with their children, and are willing to choose a job that can spend more time with their families and children, but this choice is not allowed by the constraints of modern families. In the simplest example, seeing someone else's child learn skiing, piano, hire an English teacher, or go to an international school, it may be difficult for parents to choose a job with less income for greater flexibility in life. On the other hand, the sacrifices made by women in this family structure have an irreparable long-term impact on personal development. Many types of jobs in modern society, such as the "greedy work" that Golding mentions – jobs with long hours, low flexibility, and high relative pay returns, such as finance and law, do not increase in proportion to the number of years of work, but increase exponentially or even exponentially with the time invested. Therefore, for an ordinary person, after leaving the workplace for a period of time, it is almost impossible to catch up with the income difference generated by people at the same level after returning to work. 
Kim Ji-young, born in '82, Golding gives an example of a typical middle-class young American family in the book, if the husband engages in this kind of "greedy work", he will have a part of the ** hourly wage that increases with the increase in working hours, for example, he will get 3 times the return if he invests 2 times the time; Wives who choose flexible positions for the sake of the family are paid a fixed hourly wage and receive as much time as they invest. Soon, the husband's salary may be twice that of the wife, and the gap will only increase. Other studies have also confirmed that couples with similar educational backgrounds do not synchronize their careers for as long as they marry and have children. Only one person can reach a high income level, especially in the legal, medical, academic and other professions. Both husband and wife face the same dilemma in the early stages – a fairer marriage, or a more prosperous marriage? Many people will choose the latter and give up a certain amount of "conjugal fairness" for it, but as they get older, this choice will bring different weight consequences to couples, and it will be more harmful to women's personal development. MoreoverIncome disparity will lead to power disparity, "marital unfairness" will also widen, gender division of labor will be further solidified, and traditional gender norms will be more difficult to reverse and resist within the family. In his book Returning to the Family: Family, Career, and Unattainable Equality, British scholar Shani Ogard interviews dozens of women with excellent educational and professional backgrounds (such as lawyers, executives, academics, publishers) who have chosen to quit their jobs and return to their families after giving birth. Almost all of these women felt that their choices were "natural" from the perspective of their families, but in the years that followed, they also experienced a decline in their family status, the traditionalization of family roles, and a sense of instability in their sense of identity and worth. 
Kim Ji-young, who was born in '82" Moreover, even though they generally have a master's degree or above and a glorious career resume, it is still difficult for them to return to their careers after many years of family life, and it is even more difficult to continue their previous success. This is very similar to the situation faced by women half a century ago as documented by Golding. In particular, I would like to quote a comment I received: "I work at a university and there is a large number of 'elite women' here. The life paths of most of them (including myself) resemble a Chinese version of the elite women turned housewives in the book "Back to the Family". In the end, they 'choose' jobs with low significance in the university, those that are transactional, teaching-oriented, do not receive projects, do not get projects, do not get promotions, and their talents are wasted ......Female leading cadres of state-owned enterprises are relegated to the second line at the age of 50 (hardly go to work). Female doctors in private and foreign companies were forced to retire at the age of 50 because they did not have senior titles. All of this has led to a huge gap between elite women and 'elite men' in terms of income and social status after middle age. Sorrowful! Wrath! "Even elite women struggle to break through this gender dilemma. So, for ordinary women who pursue personal development, it is indeed difficult to see any way out except for "not marrying and having children to ensure safety". China's population growth is negativeWhat kind of marriage and childbirth problems are you facing? In 2022, the Chinese population experienced negative growth for the first time in 61 years. The age of first marriage for young women in China has not only been delayed, but it has been postponed at an accelerated rate. In 2020, the average age of first marriage in China was 2867 years old, up from 24 in 2010At 89 years old, it jumped by 378 years old. Between 2000 and 2020, the peak age of childbearing in China was postponed from 24 to 27 years. The study also found that from 1990 to 2020, women of childbearing age with all levels of education showed a trend of delaying childbearing, and the higher the education level, the faster the postponement rate of childbearing age, especially the age of first childbearing. In other words, although it is a common trend of social development for women to postpone marriage and childbearing, the number of women who have postponed marriage and childbearing in China in recent years has far exceeded the previous proportion, and it is more concentrated in the group of people who have high goals for personal development. In their books, Golding and Ogad both suggest possible ways forward, such as Golding's fundamental suggestion that the cost of "conjugal fairness" should be made low, so that families do not have to sacrifice in exchange for higher family incomes. In other words,Our ideal future is one in which neither men nor women have to make any sacrifices because of the irreconcilability of career and family. The structure and nature of the work can be designed, modified and optimized. If there were more flexible jobs, more productive and higher wages, we wouldn't have to choose long hours of "greedy work" for extra income. In addition, there is a need to reduce the cost of caring for a parent, and the more accessible care services are, the lower the trade-offs. Families need childcare subsidies and ** subsidized high-quality childcare services. Finally, of course, fathers must take care and parenting responsibilities more equitably. 
In dual-income families, men must have maternity leave and participate in the leave. Make this practice widespread in order to crack the gendered occupational punishment that leave imposes on women. Chizuruko Ueno also said that if Japanese society is sincerely looking for a solution to the declining birthrate, it is a life-saving solution to ensure that women of childbearing age can have stable and regular employment that can balance their lives. Both Golding and Ogard point out that real solutions require structurality. Teaching women to be more competitive, or how to negotiate wages more skillfully, are just patched remedies. Teaching women how to "marry well" is to flatten a structural gender issue to women's personal responsibilities. But when we look back at the daily life of ordinary women,Gender norms and work structures, two key parts embedded in the patriarchal and capitalist machine, lock up women's every choice, and are hard to resist. "No marriage and no child" has become an accessible, feasible and reasonable self-help plan at the individual level. Moreover, the situation in East Asian countries is more complicated than Golding's United States and Ugade's Britain. First, gender norms in care work are more entrenched. In East Asian cultures, marriage and raising children and caring for both parents go together. According to the World Bank, Chinese women spend 2 more time than men doing unpaid housework and caregiving6 times. According to the 2010 China Household Panel Survey, 26 percent of urban mothers and only 8 percent of fathers do not participate in the labor market. Nearly half of mothers of children aged 0-2 years are not working because of family responsibilities. Second, gender protection for employment is not yet in place, and women generally need to face the question of "whether to marry and have children" in interviews. According to a survey conducted by Zhaopin, 61 percent of Chinese women were asked about their plans to marry and have children in interviews, while only 11 percent of men were asked these questions. Women who wish to have children are more likely to be excluded from the labour market due to the lack of family and public support, and the real impact of childbearing on women's work. At the same time, the study shows that the penalty-based effect of motherhood increases rapidly among women employed in the non-state sector, while it does not change much among women employed in the state sector. This reaffirms the impact of the privatized market on women and the importance of social security. Third, the parenting culture is more volatile. The study found that the number of women who quit the workforce to take care of children full-time has been steadily increasing since the 80s, and this has less and less to do with household income. In other words, more women from high-income families are no longer working, because child raising has become a track that requires women to devote themselves full-time. 
Home on the Ramp In the modern society dominated by neoliberalism, whether it is the ethics of work or the ethics of child rearing, it is ruled by the law of the jungle of high pressure, high competition, and high achievement. As a result of all these factors, the gender division of labour is increasingly returning to tradition. And the once natural "I want work and family" has begun to emerge conflicts that are becoming more and more difficult to bridge. The security function of marriage is "disappearing".In fact, the cost of marriage and childbearing has always been high, and heterosexual marriage and family have always been an important place for gender injustice. The rigid gender distribution of housework, absent fathers, and unpaid or cheap motherhood are common phenomena that have been difficult to solve so far. Expressions of toxic masculinity, which are more unsupervised or undisciplined in the private sphere, expose women in marriage to the risk of sexual, emotional, and labor exploitation and violence. But for modern women, these costs have become more and more heavy - on the one hand, our personal consciousness is growing rapidly, and women are pursuing more space for development; On the other hand, the responsibility for the protection of the small nuclear family, which is passed on by society, has only increased, and women are the main bearers of these responsibilities. As a result, marriage makes it more difficult to achieve women's expectations of family life, but instead becomes a heavier burden and shackle, and the conflict with personal development becomes more and more obvious. At the same time, with the circulation of Internet information, the acquisition of knowledge, and the improvement of education, women have become more aware that the protection they can obtain from marriage is actually very thin. This is the second reason for "no marriage, no child, and no peace". In addition to women who do not need marriage, there are many women who still need and expect the resources provided by marriage, but they also gradually find that even if they are willing to be a good wife and mother, they cannot exchange the rights, emotions and protection they deserve. 
Home on the Ramp
In terms of economic rights, the support and security that marriage once provided to some women has become a phantom in the new era. For example, Hung's book, The Age of Leftover Women, discusses how the real estate industry excludes women from the process of asset accumulation, and women lose huge financial benefits in both families. Therefore, choosing marriage and childbearing is no longer a good economic decision for many women. Chizuruko Ueno, in her book "The Women's War for Survival", also argues that conservative marital aspirations, such as relying on her husband financially and accumulating wealth through the establishment of a family, are the most unrealistic illusions in today's era. Therefore, in modern Japan, women with such seemingly basic marriage goals are more likely to marry later because they can no longer find a partner who meets their goals. Even if we have no illusions about marriage in terms of economy and wealth, and just want to have a small home, the reality shows us that marriage is not necessarily a safe harbor. Some of the most extreme cases are violence, emotional control, and economic exploitation in marriage. The Internet era has made these once hidden "family ugliness" more known to the public, made women who are experiencing similar hardships more aware of their own situation, and made unmarried women more sober and sensitive to the dark side of marriage. There are a large number of posts on Zhihu that "no marriage, no child, and no peace", and some comments are very representative of expressing the collective feelings of women's fear of marriage. Although it cannot be used as a specific data on marital status, it reflects the problem of the marriage system. It seems that in today's marriage, whether it is the traditional demand for support and protection, or the progressive demand for equality and personal development, women find it difficult to satisfy. Of course, this situation cannot be reversed by encouraging marriage and childbearing. At the legal level in China, some responsive actions to protect rights and interests have begun to emerge in recent years. In 2016, China implemented the Anti-Domestic Violence Law. This is a "landmark law" for Chinese women, which officially moves domestic violence from the private sphere into the public sphere, and also marks a certain degree of confronting and expressing the issue of gender-based violence. In addition, the newly amended Law on the Protection of Rights and Interests of Women adds a provision on "personal safety protection orders": Article 29 prohibits pestering or harassing women, divulging or disseminating women's privacy and personal information on the grounds of falling in love or making friends, or after the termination of a relationship or divorce. Where women suffer the violations described above or face a real threat of the violations described above, they may apply to the people's courts for a personal safety protection order. The revised Safeguard Law will come into force on 1 January 2023. 
Imperfect Victim" In 2020, Mu Linhan's long-term mental abuse of his girlfriend Bao Li caused the latter to commit suicide. In 2023, Mu Linhan was sentenced to three years and two months in prison for the crime of abuse, and paid more than 730,000 yuan in compensation to his girlfriend's family. This is an extremely rare judicial case in domestic judicial practice in which it is found that the death of the other party is caused by mental abuse in a sexual relationship, and it is known as the "first PUA case in China". However, it may still be difficult to reverse the crisis that the marriage is experiencing. On the one hand, women are required to be independent, and marriage no longer provides protection and support, and on the other hand, they are required to continue the traditional gender norms, wifehood, and maternal morality. The choice of marriage or not has never been so different: marriage and childbearing on one side are frightening, and on the other side is a hopeful path to personal fulfillment. When women think that the benefits of marriage are lower than the benefits of singles, and it is "not cost-effective" to enter marriage and childbearing, then how to choose is obvious.