In life, some people are thin-skinned and think about people everywhere. No matter what difficulties he encountered, he did not want to trouble others and asked others for help. Such a person would rather bear all the unhappiness and pain alone than confide in his friends or superiors, because he is afraid that asking someone for help will destroy the friendship between the two and cause trouble to the other person.
In fact, many good relationships are made by making trouble with each other. "The Book of Rites: Qu Lishang" says: "Etiquette is still exchanged. If you don't come, it's indecent; It is also rude to come and not to communicate. "A good relationship is never a one-way street, it must be an interactive process. While you trouble others, you also establish a bond that others will trouble you in the future. In this exchange, the friendship between the two parties can be gradually enhanced.
As we all know, Hu Shi and Chen Yinke are very good friends. At that time, Chen Yinke wanted to apply for a professor at Oxford University in the United Kingdom, and Oxford University did not know him very well, so he did not respond for a long time. When Hu Shi learned about this, he wrote a long letter and handed it to Oxford University. After Oxford University received Hu Shih's letter, it finally made a decision to hire Chen Yinke.
When Chen Yinke was sick, he had no money for treatment. After Hu Shi learned about this, he immediately sent $1,000 to support the other party. You must know that at this time, Hu Shi has stepped down as ambassador to the United States, and his salary is meager, but he can still give generous relief, which is really righteous. Later, Hu Shi ran for the president of the Cultural Institute, and in order to vote for Hu Shi, he went to Chongqing. The two are not separated from each other in academic exchanges, responding to requests and helping each other, and have achieved a good story.
The trouble is that the more numbness and frequent, the more frequent the friendship between the two. A good relationship must be mutually troublesome. One party pays, one party is grateful, so that it can last for a long time. In the workplace, middle and senior managers should pay more attention to not be afraid when it is time to trouble others.
Sometimes, we think that we will be disgusted by others when we trouble others, so we do not dare to take the initiative to ask for help when we encounter difficulties and problems. But in fact, bothering others when encountering problems is itself a positive and open attitude. Because we must not only improve ourselves, but also learn from the outside world. Maybe a lot of opportunities are hidden behind every "trouble".
1. The best relationship is when we need each other
Qian Zhongshu once wrote in the book "The Siege of the City": The best way to fall in love is to "borrow books", because if there is borrowing, there will be repayment, so that there will be "contacts".
Falling in love and interpersonal relationships are actually the same thing. You help me solve the problem, I treat you to a meal; You help me get a courier, I'll treat you to a cup of coffee. From unfamiliarity to familiarity, it is a process of mutual trouble. You know, people will always remember who they have helped, and remembering the other person is a kind of consolidation of friendship in itself.
We will feel happy because we help others, and this happy memory will be preserved for a long time. When you see the other person or encounter the same thing, this memory is easily awakened. In fact, doing someone a favor is the process of establishing interpersonal connections.
People who have helped you once will be more willing to do you another favor than those you have helped. Benjamin Franklin once said: If you want to make a friend, ask him to do you a favor.
Second, if you want to go further, you have to trouble others
Many times, we are afraid to ask for help and worry about causing trouble to others. In fact, it blocks the door through which others care about us, and separates ourselves from them. In the end, he turned himself into an island.
When you need help, don't be shy to speak up, and don't be reserved. If you think that asking for help from others is psychologically burdensome, then you must remember to give back in the following days, and turn one-sided help into mutual assistance for both parties.
3. To boost interpersonal relationships, you need to trouble others
China is a humane society, and in the exchange of human feelings, a relationship is naturally formed, and then it slowly develops into a close friend. Knowing how to ask for help from others can not only effectively solve problems, but also break a person's fixed thinking, improve problem-solving ability, look at problems from a new perspective, and discover more new continents through collaboration, which will be conducive to continuous progress and growth, which is a rare wisdom.
Asking for help from others can not only establish a connection with others, but also improve your own quality, which will be beneficial to your own growth. But I'm not telling you to ask others for help when you have a problem, but to know how to trouble others. As the saying goes, "things must be opposed, wisdom must be hurt", if you don't grasp this degree well, it is inevitable to be disliked, then, in the workplace, how should we correctly ask others for help?
1. To trouble others, there must be boundaries
Cai Kangyong once said: "Troubles beyond interpersonal relationships will make others difficult." "So there are some things that don't be easy to talk about, and you have to grasp this balance well, otherwise it will cause trouble for others.
Manager Xu is the company's newly appointed financial manager, and the vice president in charge of finance is worried that he is not familiar with the company's business, so he tells Manager Xu to come to him for help if he has any difficulties. When Manager Xu first arrived at the company, naturally many people were not satisfied, and the finance and cashier below did not take much care of him, so Manager Xu had considerable resistance to carry out his work.
Therefore, every time Manager Xu encounters a problem, he will seek the help of the vice president. Once or twice, the vice president didn't say anything, but Manager Xu didn't seem to realize that he was wrong, and asked the vice president to come out as soon as something happened. The vice president couldn't bear it anymore and complained to the others: "Everything has to be solved by me, so what should I do when I recruit him?" It's better to hire an assistant. So it didn't take long for Manager Xu to be fired.
When dealing with upward communication and troublesome leaders, it is necessary to pay attention to some things within the scope of authority that can be handled by yourself, so you can solve them by your own ability. Don't follow the leader's advice on big and small things, no matter how big or small, and ask the leader for help when you encounter problems. Instead, you must learn to think independently, and do what is within your scope of responsibility, and accomplish it by your own strength.
Only by grasping the balance of troubles in this way can we win the favor of the leaders, can we get more support from the leaders, and can we promote the same things with each other. Otherwise, the trouble will be too much, and it will become "tiresome to live for a long time, and frequent relatives are also sparse", and there will be an estrangement from the leader, and eventually ruin yourself.
2. If you trouble others, you must know how to give back
In the workplace, no one is obligated to help you for free, and asking others for help will of course be related to interests. We must not only consider our own interests, but also the interests of others.
If your subordinates work together to help your team accomplish a difficult task, you can treat your subordinates to a big meal and give them a small red envelope. If your leader solves a problem for you, you can give the leader some thoughtful gifts, such as your own handmade food, or handmade works; Because it is a bit too common to invite the leader to eat, you must know that the leader's income is higher than yours, and it is the leader who is embarrassed to go out to eat together without paying money, rather than embarrassing the leader, it is better to choose a gift that is easy for the leader to accept.
Therefore, when we trouble others, we must consider and start from the perspective of others, and learn to give feedback to others. Otherwise, someone else will help you once and never help you again. Because you're too stingy, it's really boring to make friends with people like you.
3. To trouble others, we must find common interests
A lot of times, people don't help you for no reason. If you ask someone to help you with an errand, they may not want to deal with you, or they will politely and tactfully reject you. At this time, we need to find the interests of both parties, so that it will be difficult for the other party to reject you.
For example, you have a project in your hand, and you are currently facing a huge problem, which you can't solve on your own, and you have to turn to your boss for help. When you find the boss, you can say something like this: "Boss, I have encountered some problems with the project in my hand, and I don't want to trouble you to make a move, but I have more than enough strength to do it, and if I do it myself, I may mess up this order worth tens of millions." So please help with the moves. ”
In this way, you and the boss are grasshoppers on a rope, you can bring him huge revenue, and the boss is naturally willing to give resources or efforts to help you solve the problem. In this case, the odds of the boss helping you are greatly increased.
4. The more you know how to trouble others, the more popular you are
Dale Carnegie wrote in The Weakness of Human Nature: "If you want to make a friendship last, then you have to get someone else to do something for you, which will give them a sense of presence and importance." "People who are afraid of bothering others crave attachment in their hearts.
People who are afraid of bothering others usually have a small social circle, and to a certain extent, a small circle is a kind of protection for themselves. In fact, there is no need to worry at all, you must know that most people who really want to associate with you do this unconsciously from the bottom of their hearts to help you. At least in the moment of helping you, they don't care what you can give them.
A person who properly troubles others is not demanding and greedy, but daring to show weakness and tell others that you need help. Showing weakness does not mean incompetence, but courageously going deep into a relationship. Therefore, the more people who know how to trouble others, the more popular they are.
When you take the first step to trouble others, you will find that you have more topics to talk about with the people around you, and you will unconsciously shorten the distance between the two sides; When you and they are in trouble with each other, your friendship is one step closer, and both parties will be extremely happy and happy. Perhaps, the beginning of a friendship begins with mutual trouble.
Fourth, it takes a kind of wisdom to know how to trouble leaders
1. If you know how to trouble colleagues, the better your popularity
The relationship between co-workers is actually very delicate, and when you don't ask for anything, you will have a sense of déjà vu that you will do anything, and people will think that you are self-righteous and superior, and thus reject you from associating. If you occasionally ask someone to help and show that you need help, they will feel happier and more willing to associate with you.
Knowing how to trouble others is actually a sign of weakness, conveying that you are not that strong, which will make some people lose their guard against you and make it easier to get along. When you ask people for help, you give them the opportunity to come to you in the future.
But remember, trouble between colleagues is to build friendship, to make things easier for you once in a while, you have to pay attention to the number of times, and don't let your troubles become a burden for others.
2. Learn to trouble leaders, often more reused
Many people have a natural fear of leaders, afraid of troublesome leaders because of their own small things, and delay the leader's working time. I am worried that the questions I ask are inappropriate and I will be criticized by my leaders. But for the leader, not everyone dares to do what troubles him, as long as you have the courage, the leader is naturally willing to listen to the ideas of employees.
Bosses and leaders are a book of workplace life, they have enough experience and knowledge, we can trouble them, as soon as possible to transform their knowledge, ability, and resources into their own capabilities, which will reduce their own time for growth and improve their efficiency.
Sometimes it is a way to ask the leader to recommend yourself, so that the leader knows your ability and level, so as to give you the opportunity to improve in a timely manner. At the same time, it is necessary to remember that it is difficult for the leader to think about the problem clearly, and not to disturb the leader with some problems that can be searched on the Internet, or very outrageous things, otherwise it will backfire, not only will it not be taken seriously, but it will be criticized.
3. The nobles in life are troublesome
People in the workplace are eager to meet nobles who promote themselves, but some people sit and wait for nobles to help, and some people take the initiative to fight for opportunities. The latter knows to take the initiative to find nobles and trouble nobles to help them. When they encounter difficulties, they will have a charm in them and ask others to help them out. The former waited for miracles, and ultimately missed many opportunities.
You know, unless you are glittering gold, gifted and super-powered, and the light shines in the eyes of the nobles, the nobles may discover you. But if you don't have the ability to stand out, don't think that others can pick up pearls and dig you out of the vast sea of people.
When our ability is not enough, we must take the initiative to do things, and when we encounter problems, we are brave enough to ask others for advice, maybe there are many people who will reject you, but the one who is willing to help you is your nobleman, and then you will find that you will never be able to solve the problem if you do not open your mouth to trouble others, but once you open your mouth, you will find that there will be good luck.
4. Creating "trouble" for leaders can effectively save the company's time and cost
We often worry that the leader is too busy, and we are afraid that our small problems will delay the leader's time, so we do not take the initiative to ask the leader for advice. But in fact, this is a serious waste of resources. For example, the leader arranges you to write the company's management system, first, you do not have enough management experience, and second, you do not have a solid theoretical foundation, so the written management system is naturally not feasible. Even if you spend a lot of time looking up information from the Internet, you still can't write a good management system.
Troublesome leaders, learn to get resources from him, and ask him for experience and methods, which is more efficient than burying one's head in hard work. You can take the initiative to chat with the leader, listen to his management experience, and remember how he solves tough problems in management. In this way, you will be able to gain more knowledge of "management".
On the surface, it seems that you are "troublemaking" the leader, and you have gained a lot of resources and knowledge from the leader, but in fact, the leader has also gained corresponding value. Because after you learn knowledge, you can help leaders solve related problems and become the leader's right-hand man; Second, you can make the leader feel a sense of satisfaction and prove that he has a good vision. Because, when you ask the leader, you will make him think that you recognize his ability from the bottom of your heart, and the more you trouble the other party, the more you trust him.
5. Do these things well before "bothering" others
Taking the initiative to "trouble" others is very beneficial to one's own growth. But we have to learn to do these things well, so that you don't let your troubles bother the other party, so as to improve the efficiency of asking for help.
1. Find your own value to others
Some people are very unconfident, thinking that they do not have much advantage over others, and do not know where to help each other. In fact, everyone has their own strengths, but many times you don't realize them.
As long as you are willing to dig, you can always find your own value. Even if you're just asking a great god for advice, when the question you ask is good enough, it may bring new inspiration to the other person. Therefore, we can think more about what value we have to others, and why others can help us, and know that the workplace itself is a process of equivalent exchange. If you are of use to others, they will be better able to help you solve problems.
2. Think about the question before asking
Before we ask others, we must be thoughtful and ask specific questions, rather than asking questions that are not nutritious. For example, if you ask the other party how to set up the ppt format, there is no need to ask, search on the Internet, and the answers are everywhere. You can ask in another way whether there is anything lacking in this PPT, and whether it will be better to change it in this way. When others hear your questions, they will often give specific guidance, so that the effect of asking questions will be better.
3. Grasp the opportunity to consult leaders
When asking the leader for advice, generally do not choose Monday, this day the leader may be busy with other affairs, arrange a week's work, at this time he may be anxious to deal with various matters, it is difficult to calm down and exchange experience and methods with you; Also, don't ask the leader for advice in the morning, which will easily disrupt the leader's day's work schedule; Furthermore, don't ask the leader for advice when the leader receives guests. At this time, the leader is somewhat inconvenient, if you ask him a question, he will naturally not answer you very carefully, and may blame you in your heart for not having eyesight.
Write at the end. In the workplace, troublesome others is also a thick black science, we must not only dare to trouble others, but also know how to trouble others. In the trouble of others, constantly improve your comprehensive ability, let yourself become a shining star, attract the attention of leaders.