The ideal state of interpersonal relationships is to find the right balance between demands and independence, that is, to build on the basis of mutual benefit.
Through interactive communication and mutual assistance, both parties can deeply understand the importance of the other in each other's lives. If I need something, you will be good to me, and if you ask for anything, I will be good to you. 。
This "you come, I go" is like a living source of emotion, which can continuously nourish and sustain a relationship.
This is the case with the most stable and lasting relationships between people.
This is to appropriately "annoy" the other person while being grateful for any help or support.
In this way, the bonds between the individuals become stronger and the relationship evolves.
There are a lot of opportunities hidden behind the "troubles".
When I was a kid, my parents used to teach me, "When you're in trouble, try not to bother your friends," but as I've grown up, I've come to appreciate this better. In fact, it is often difficult to develop a real relationship without going through the process of supporting and helping each other.
I once read an anecdote about Mr. Hu Shih. When he was in the prime of life and was about to go to Shanghai to study, his mother affectionately told him four words: "Learn to ask for help".
Many years later, Hu Shi had a deeper understanding of these four words and also realized the hidden wisdom of his mother.
In the field of psychology, there is a term called "incompetent dependence". This refers to the phenomenon that many people do not dare to ask others for help because they are afraid of causing trouble to others.
However, we often overlook the fact that these so-called "troubles" actually hide a lot of opportunities.
Speaking of the story of Steve Jobs, the memories of his childhood are unforgettable. At the age of 12, he dreamed of designing mechanical devices, but ran into obstacles in creating a frequency counter.
So he plucked up the courage to give Bill Hewlett a **** and told him frankly that he was Steve Jobs, eager for parts support and technical expertise to complete his invention, and I made it clear.
Although Bill Hewlett didn't know the young man named Steve Jobs at the time, he decided to give generously, not only providing the parts he needed, but also inviting him to study at Hewlett-Packard.
As you know, Bill Hewlett is a Silicon Valley legend and the founder of the world-famous technology giant Hewlett-Packard.
This not only solved a technical problem for Jobs, but also had an immeasurable impact on the trajectory of his future life. Nine years later, in 1976, Steve Jobs founded Apple in his garage, and its products quickly became popular around the world.
"It's important to note that a lot of people don't have rich life experiences because they never reach out for help," Jobs said. "That's right.
This passage reveals the importance of asking for help. It not only solves the immediate difficulties, but also becomes the key to unlocking infinite possibilities.
In the delicate world of human interaction, the most worrying thing is the silence and estrangement of both parties. You don't want to hear it, but I choose to remain silent.
There is a saying that is very ingrained. "If we want our friendships to be deep and long-lasting, we must learn to 'owe' others when appropriate, because doing so will make them feel valued and engaged. In fact, asking for help from others in moderation is a beneficial behavior. Not an over-demanding relationship, but a sensible and necessary way to maintain it.
As long as you don't ask too much and cause inconvenience to others, you are actually weaving a network of interdependence and mutual support.
Life is not always smooth sailing. Knowing how to ask for help from friends around you at the right time is a rare manifestation of wisdom. Maybe behind those seemingly "problems", there are some people who live noble lives who will help you.
All good relationships are born out of trouble.
I want to tell you a little story about human nature and human relationships. The main character is my uncle, a man who is extremely reluctant to cause trouble for others.
Despite his enthusiasm for interacting with his neighbors, he always seemed quiet. He maintains a "lone ranger" attitude day after day, causing everyone to keep their distance from him and rarely interact with him.
I was accidentally bitten by a snake while working in the field, and when my neighbor heard about it, he immediately drove me to the hospital. This incident was a turning point for him to change the way he thought about interpersonal communication.
Since then, he has been actively trying to get closer to others.
When I went shopping in town, I eagerly asked my neighbor if he needed to buy something, and I immediately accepted the neighbor's invitation, and the idea of me having a few cups of tea at home was gone.
His transformation took place quietly, from the initial fear of going into debt, to the later learning to reach out to others for help.
Because of mutual care and "nuisance", he successfully severed ties with his neighbors, and the originally estranged relationship gradually warmed up and deepened.
The emotional bond between people is sometimes like a closed door.
When we are willing to "bother" others, we are actually pushing this door open. A trending topic appeared on Weibo: "How did you and your friends drift apart?" ”
One of the most popular answers explains: "In the past, people, big and small, liked to ask each other for help. "As the work gets heavier and the leisure time becomes less and less, when you have a problem and want to ask someone for help, I end up worrying that I will cause problems for others. The distance between the two people gradually widened. ”
I couldn't agree more. I agree with this netizen. Fear of bothering others is often a major obstacle to building a harmonious relationship.
In fact, if your partner no longer asks you for help, it could mean that there is some kind of estrangement between you. This estrangement is not limited to family and friendship, but also applies to interpersonal relationships.
Only by bravely pushing open the door of "trouble" can we truly enter each other's world and form a closer emotional bond.
When your parents no longer ask you for help, you may be missing out on the best opportunity to fulfill your filial piety.
When your lover no longer needs your company or care, he may have begun to rely on someone else's arm.
When your friends stop talking to you about their troubles or sharing innocent things with you, a strange wall may creep up between you.
As the saying goes, "The interaction between people is actually like a bond of mutual assistance, you help me once, I will return you once." "If this bond of affection continues, the world will become more peaceful. It. ”
Only by supporting and communicating with each other can we cultivate a deep sense of humanity.
After all, any kind of emotion in this world requires two-way communication and flow.
Let us appreciate and cherish each other.
I also deeply agree with the following statement. "All happy relationships stem from an unknown sense of satisfaction. ”
Long-term stable relationships are built through a process of mutual fulfillment and positive interaction.
You've probably had that experience at one time or another. There are always people in your life who only show up when you need them. But when you're struggling, they may always find all sorts of excuses not to help you.
In fact, behind this seemingly complex interpersonal communication, there is a hidden principle of equivalent exchange.
No one in this world wants to have a deep connection with someone who only knows how to accept and is not willing to give.
Only by reciprocal exchange of courtesies can the relationship be strong for a long time, and good interpersonal relationships are formed by the accumulation of character.
Once upon a time, there was a thought-provoking story that left a lasting impression on me. Several young people were placed in a small town in England to learn English, and in the process learned how to be a true elegant gentleman.
After a few days of studying, the teacher gave me an incisive summary:
Learning a language doesn't happen overnight, but mastering a word is often enough to become a gentleman. But it seems hard for you to say. Consider this deceptively simple word. Expectant parents eagerly asked, "What's that word?" ”
The teacher solemnly stretched out his finger and said "thank you" word by word.
Perhaps in today's fast-paced society, we have gradually become accustomed to meeting and parting, accustomed to the indifference of the world, and inadvertently ignoring the innate warmth and compassion of human beings. In the eyes of many, acquaintances don't deserve to be appreciated, but strangers don't deserve to be thanked either.
However, as the saying goes, "the grace of a drop of water is a spring", so be grateful for any help no matter how big or small, and never forget to say "thank you". In our hearts.
Because in this world, no one is obliged to help us unconditionally.
Thank you and feedback are not only courtesy, but also a sign of respect and kindness.
Hemingway once expressed this concept in a philosophical way:
No one is as independent as an island in the middle of a vast ocean. Each person is a small grain of earth on the earth, which is closely connected to each other and forms a complete earth. ”
If two people always do not interfere with each other, they will never intersect. This may seem like a small problem, but it is like a bond and bridge between people.
When you are in trouble, you have people around you who you can rely on and ask for help. It's definitely an accumulation of intangible wealth, and you can be someone your friend is willing to turn to when they're in trouble. This is a precious manifestation of the deep trust between you.
Aristotle profoundly explained the nature of friendship:
A true friend is like the same soul in two different bodies. ”
I deeply agree with and appreciate this view. Please give me some inspiration.
In fact, the key to determining the depth and durability of the emotion lies in the psychological integration of both parties. Good relationships often begin with mutual "troubles" and are maintained over the long term by cultivating a sense of gratitude.