1 Recently, my eyesight has been getting worse and worse: I just looked at the circle of friends, and a buddy posted a landscape photo with the words: "I will go to prison tomorrow." ”
I was shocked at first sight, this is also too sad, look at the scenery and enjoy the last free time?
If you look closely, it's not a prison, it's an ambush.
2My nephew is very poor at studying, and my brother is heartbroken about this, so he deliberately spent a lot of tuition to send him to an international school, but he didn't expect to be the penultimate in the exam this time. My brother was really angry this time, and beat my nephew at home, I heard about it and quickly persuaded him, and said to my brother, I didn't see you angry when I was the first to the bottom of the exam before? My brother said angrily, this time it is different, this time the test is Chinese, this product scored eight points, or copied the ...... of foreign children at the same tableHa ha!
3How long does it take to break up and forget what your boyfriend looks like?
Female A: "It's been 1 year since I broke up with my boyfriend, and I don't even remember what he looks like." ”
Female B: "Yes, time can blur everything. ”
Female A: "You don't remember either, how long have you broken up with your boyfriend?" ”
Female B looked at her watch: "It's been half an hour." ”
4A man who was going to get a marriage license with his girlfriend said to her, "Have you thought it through?" Are you sure you want to get a license with me? ”
The girlfriend nodded solemnly. The man was relieved and said, "After that, I will quarrel and get angry, and I am not allowed to say that I broke up casually!" ”
The girlfriend said: "I know, if I quarrel in the future, I will say divorce!" ”
5 After work at night, when I crossed the street, I walked to a BMW, wore high heels and accidentally twisted my foot, fell down, fell in front of the BMW, sat on the ground and rubbed it twice and didn't get up, the BMW owner came down and looked at me, his face was blue, and he threw 500 yuan for me to prepare to run away. With a whoosh, I immediately reluctantly climbed up and returned the money to the owner: "Big brother, I just twisted my foot and fell a little, don't slander anyone, don't misunderstand me!" ”
6The wife made a trendy hairstyle and said to her husband delicately: "How's it going, my dear, does my hairstyle and dress make you think of anything?" The wife was expecting her husband to say that he was as beautiful as a star and boasted about it, but unexpectedly, the husband patted his head and said, "By the way, I forgot to buy the mop at home again." ”
7 "One full ticket, one half ticket." A female passenger said. The conductor looked at a boy beside her for a moment and said, "He must be twelve years old, please buy a full ticket for him." "Hey, I've only been married for ten years, how can he be twelve? "Madam," said the conductor, "I am only responsible for the sale of tickets, and I do not want to answer your personal questions." ”
On the 8th, when I passed by a residential area just after dark, a muscular hunk walked on the opposite side, and suddenly began to cough, and then four or five men came over, and they also coughed uniformly. I was a little nervous, they were talking about the code? You're not going to rob, are you? Isn't it a robbery? I was a little scared, and I didn't dare to run until I got to the place where they started coughing, and I coughed too.
9 Tang Seng and his apprentices traveled all the way west, and met a goblin on the way: "Leave Tang Seng behind, otherwise this is your fate!" Saying that, he smashed the stone next to him with a palm, and Wukong was about to hit it when he saw that he picked up the golden hoop stick, but Tang Seng stopped him and said: "Monk, don't be impulsive......."Wukong: "It hits my mother, can I not be impulsive......”
10 On the bus, taking advantage of the **orgasm, I farted a fart, and the people around me threw strange glances at me. "What do you see? Do you have any evidence that I put it?!! I took off my headphones and yelled at them.
11 Go to my mother-in-law's house to play!
Gave *** a betel nut! I guess she hasn't eaten it! For a while, his eyes were blurred, and he was lying there dizzy with red faces!
After being seen by the mother-in-law! Furious: You stinky shameless drugged your sister! How old is she! Are you right about your wife?
Me: ......Explain it to her!
And then gave her one! The reaction is more powerful than ***!
At this time, the old man returned.
12 Big brother, little sister gave you all the money, don't worry about people!
I just came out of the underground garage and found that I forgot to bring my wallet and couldn't pay the parking fee and was trapped at the exit of the basement. A kind girl in the back car paid 18 yuan for me for the parking fee, and also stuffed me with the 32 yuan she found, saying: If you enter the basement again, you may not be able to meet me. I was so impressed! This is not the climax, and then I told the girl that I wanted a ** to pay back the money, and the girl said: Big brother, the money is given to you, so don't worry about people.