Many years later, Yongzheng will still be furious when he sees Zhen Huan wearing Chunyuan's old clothes, and asks Zhen Huan to take off her clothes in public, and her long-term companionship can't withstand her old love, why can Chunyuan always live in Yongzheng's heart, and once we ordinary people become our predecessors, we get more disgust and disdain from the other party?
1 Settle the account when you break up, and owe no one anything
After Xiaoli broke up with her boyfriend, the first thing she did was to pack all the gifts her boyfriend gave and send them back! Make a pair: "We have cleared the two, and no one owes anyone anything!" Later, her ex-boyfriend found a new girlfriend, and Xiaoli didn't try to redeem it. was just scolded back by a sentence from his ex-boyfriend: "Aren't we two clear?" ”
The more you don't want to owe someone else, the less you will get true love. A girl Xiaoai came to me for psychological counseling, she didn't know what independent thinking poisoned, in the process of dating a new boyfriend, she must AA system, as big as rent, as small as a pack of toilet paper, she asked for AA.
I asked her if couples don't give each other gifts. She said she would ask how much it would cost and then buy an equivalent one and send it back. She has a golden sentence: "Girls don't take advantage of others in terms of property, so that love can be dignified." ”
I asked her why they broke up later? She said: "He's just a scumbag, I'm so good to him, he doesn't know how to cherish me, and missing me is his loss." ”
2 Love is to be in deficit, and the guest is to be hospitable
I lit a pillar of agarwood, and with the curling green smoke, I sat at the table, facing the empty seat opposite, and asked the person I imagined: "Yongzheng, what do you think of the relationship between the two who are not indebted?" ”
I seemed to see the big fat orange's mustache shake slightly, and he said to me: "Affection is to owe each other, support each other, and only when you owe each other can there be love." Every time I think of Chunyuan, I always feel that I owe her and don't give her more care, she takes care of my diet and daily life day and night, but I ignore her needs. ”
I asked again: "Don't you think that Chunyuan married you, and his status suddenly became precious, and he took advantage of you by enjoying the same resources as you in the palace?" ”
Big Fat Orange's eyes glared: "What are you talking about!" She provided me with emotional value, and I was happy when I saw her, and she took care of the affairs of the palace for me, and I owe it to her! I'm willing to give her what I have, are you going to say I'm a love brain again? For the sake of Chunyuan, I am willing to fall in love with the brain! ”
I snuffed out the incense and edited such a WeChat message for Xiaoli:The material is cleared, but the emotion is cut off. Only when we owe each other can we have love that we can't let go. didn't want to take advantage of his boyfriend, but he didn't ask his boyfriend, didn't he think it was taking advantage? Does he just like to take advantage of you? ”
I put down my phone and walked into the consultation room, where Xiao Ai was still waiting for me. I asked her directly without nonsense: "Is it hard for you to trust others, do you think that if you trust and rely on a person too much, one day he is gone, your world will collapse?" ”
Xiao Ai rolled her eyes from side to side, pursed her lower lip, and finally didn't say anything.
I continued: "So, you think that as long as you don't owe him, he won't use this as a lever to hurt you?" You think you love him, and you are afraid that he will look down on you because of the economy and money, so you have to spread these things on the table and make it clear to him that you are not dealing with other people for these material things. ”
Xiao Ai was no longer silent, and countered: "My parents divorced because of money!" My dad said that my mom eats, wears, and lives in my dad's, and he feels that he has supported our family by himself. We should all follow him, I don't want to be angry in this regard in the future, I have to spend my own money when I fall in love. ”
I asked, "Is Dad right?" Is that the right thing to do? Xiao Ai immediately said: "Of course not! Mom also gave a lot! I think my mom paid more than he did, he just paid for it! Don't worry about anything else, and find fault! ”
I smiled and said, "Yes, he's not right, dad is not the only man in this world, but you fall in love because your dad has been wearing plastic wrap." You imagine that everyone will have trouble with girls because of money, and everything you do is to protect yourself from problems. ”
But whenWhen you put on plastic wrap and tell each other clearly, it is impossible for love to heat up! Have you ever thought that someone will not care about money because they really want to give it to you, want to be nice to you, and want to love you? But he doesn't have a chance to give you anything. Because you're going to AA with someone! ”
Will we AA with family? Who will we AA with? Is it with friends, with strangers? Therefore, the other party will feel that you have never regarded him as a close person, so you have to keep a hand so that you can leave without looking back at any time. I paused and continued"Love should always be indebted, and guests should be hospitable. ”
Xiao Ai stopped talking. I handed over an apple, and she was about to take it, and I immediately asked, "Go get a pear and exchange it with me!" Otherwise, I won't give it to you! ”
Xiao Ai looked at me with a stunned expression. I laughed, "That's how much you love others," I saidIt's fake intimacy. You're not in a relationship, you're investing. Always be ready to stop losses and run away in time. To give someone an apple is to ask for the return of a pear. ”
Xiao Ai suddenly realized. I patted her on the shoulder: "It's hard to empathize, unless I let you experience it too." ”
3 When the problem of the heart is solved, the problem of love is solved
Yongzheng and Chunyuan owe each other, and love travels through time, space, life and death. Xiaoli and her ex-boyfriend are materially clear, cutting off the possibility of continuing to develop their relationship. Xiaoai AA established a false intimate relationship under the AA system, wanted to rely on it and was afraid of loss, and talked about a love that did not owe each other through plastic wrap.
It is an ability to accept that others are good to you and not feel that they are troublesome. This ability comes from the initial unconditional love of the family of origin. This ability is exercised again and again by the experience of love.
can be brave to love others, regardless of gains and losses, when you love, you can be frank and open, even if love is gone, you have not lived up to your brave self in those years. It is a good state of mind not to completely shut down the ability of the lover because of bad experiences in the past.
If you have a serious insecurity in your heart, this lack will prevent you from loving generously and enjoying love. I am always afraid that the bamboo basket will be empty, and in the end, the bamboo basket will be empty.
If the problem of the heart is solved, there will be no problem with love.
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Zhen Huan 2 Chunyuan 1 True Love 1 Psychological Counseling 31 The story of the manor 64 people crossed the line.