To be honest, I was a little surprised when I first heard this, but after reading the story behind it, I was very moved.
A college girl puts a packet of laundry detergent on the sink in her dorm room. She wanted it to be more convenient and convenient when it came to doing laundry.
But after using it for a while, she found that her baby-sized laundry detergent bucket was full every time she picked it up.
It wasn't until one day, when she accidentally saw her roommate "topping up" her keg with a large bucket of laundry detergent, that she realized, "Every time my roommate checks that it's almost empty, he secretly fills it up." ”
This kind of action is really heartwarming, but after reading the comment area, I understand why girls call large and small laundry detergent buckets "mom buckets" and "baby buckets".
It turns out that the name not only sounds cute, but also reflects the emotional needs of today's children for parent-child relationships to a certain extent.
Because although many people lament the carefulness and warmth of their female roommates, more people think that as long as they are careful, even their classmates can pay attention to their needs, while their parents, who should be the closest, never care. About them. A small wish.
After all, when you reach a certain age, you always need some special warmth, which doesn't require money, just your heart.
Neglected emotions.
I have to spend my life making up for it.
Under the topic of "Baby Bucket", a girl recounted her memories about the "Baby Bowl".
When she was still in school, one time when she went to the supermarket, the girl took a fancy to a bowl as a gift.
Because she thought it was cute, she solemnly announced to everyone in the house, "This is my special bowl and I use it for all my meals!" ”
Due to their young age, girls are very active and happy when they eat their own unique bowls. She always had to be the first to fill her meals.
But once, when she appeared at the dinner table later, she found that the bowl that belonged to her was in her mother's hand.
She said aggrievedly, "Mom, that's for me." ”
But her father was very dissatisfied and impatiently rebuked her: "In order to eat, there are so many things to do, can't you use them?" ”
To be honest, just reading the girl's description, I could feel her loss and sadness at that time.
There are more than one bowl at home, so why can't she be satisfied?
What's even more speechless is that after the girl was silent, the bowl was returned to the guest. It's no longer just her baby bowl. When it was time to eat, the little girl was no longer so happy. 。
However, even the girl herself did not expect that a few years later, her parents suddenly said:
Isn't this bowl exclusive to you? Why don't you use it? ”
Not to mention that this girl has mixed feelings in her heart, even I can't help but feel a pang of sadness.
It turned out that my parents had noticed all this a long time ago. He knew what the child cared about, but he deliberately ignored it, and it took a long time to bring up the child's request for the expiration date.
This is not a sign of love, but a sign of neglect.
But there are countless children who have had this experience.
For some people, mothers can come and go in their rooms at will, and adolescent children are not allowed to have any secrets.
One day, a girl who takes her classmates home to do her homework stumbles upon her mom peeking at her diary. She is clearly the person who should lose her temper the most.
But her mother asked her to kneel down in front of her classmates and apologize because she was disrespectful to her parents.
The diary is the child's secret territory, and parents will never allow the child to isolate himself and become an independent existence.
There were also people who bought beautiful cups and plates, but the father always used them to drink medicine or fill red paste without their consent.
So after becoming financially independent, the first thing she did was to move out and live alone, buying all kinds of beautiful and fancy dishes, cups and saucers to fill the cupboard. She felt that only in this way could these beautiful things truly belong to her.
It's compensation, but also revenge, at the cost of a rift between her and her parents that can never be repaired.
Parents have too long hands.
You can't raise loving children.
I don't know if you still remember the news that the mother secretly opened her daughter's file.
It was graduation season. When she saw her daughter's profile on the table, the mother opened it without asking.
When the daughter saw this scene, she shouted anxiously: "I can't open it." But my mother calmly asked, "Didn't you just take it apart?" What's wrong? ”
The daughter burst into tears and had to explain to her mother: "You can't open it, if you open it, it won't work, and the school won't accept it." ”
Mom just calmly repeated, "I don't know." ”
I would like to say that maybe not everyone understands the importance of the document, but it clearly says that "after the document is sealed, it is strictly forbidden to open it without permission". Even if you don't understand, you should hesitate.
But when my mother saw it, she opened it regardless of it. This can only show that the mother is used to intruding into her daughter's life, and she is even more accustomed to controlling everything about her daughter.
What's even more speechless is that the mother's own mistakes have caused so much trouble to her daughter, but she posted the monitoring ** on the Internet with the following text:
The eldest lady inadvertently opened the folder and hurriedly began to cry. The little sister was so frightened that she stood still and didn't dare to move.
She ignores her mistakes and is angry at her daughter's actions. Until the end, my mother did not think that her behavior without a sense of boundaries was wrong. Instead, she secretly blamed her daughter for disrespecting her.
It's not just that his hand is reaching too far. He just wanted to hold the child tightly in the palm of his hand with an invisible hand.
The most suffocating thing is that similar incidents occur repeatedly.
I had seen the news before that a 14-year-old boy called the police for none other than the fact that his father had installed a camera in his bedroom. When the father confronted the police, he gave the same clichéd reason: supervising the child's learning.
The father even justifiably said that the child should not have any privacy in front of his parents.
But if you think from your point of view, if your boss has a camera in your office and your every move is exposed to your boss's point of view, a lot of people will resist.
But why does such a non-personal matter make sense for parents and children?
In the TV series "The Big Exam", Wu Jiajun is about to face the college entrance examination. His mom's operation is similar to installing a camera.
She never closes her son's door so that she can supervise his studies.
In order to resist her mother, Wu Jiajun directly locked the door, so she found tools and violently unlocked the door when the child was not at home.
Wu Jiajun looked at the hole, and his heart seemed to be torn apart.
Occasionally, mothers find that their children are still drawing while studying, and they scribble directly on the drawings they have been drawing for months. Wu Jiajun was so angry that he almost jumped into the river.
There are many ways to communicate and solve problems, so why do these parents always confront their children over small things, and why do they always take it for granted:
Parents have the right to decide on all matters relating to their children.
At the end of the day, the reason why parents don't care about the little things in their children's eyes is because they feel that "you were born to me and I can do anything to you".
This obviously means that the child is not seen as an individual but as an appendage to himself. Therefore, he has no sense of boundaries, is unwilling to respect the child, and even wants to control the child.
But it is precisely this practice that will make the child feel suffocated. With this all-round coverage, their emotional needs are not met, and they will alienate their parents again and again.
Perhaps this is the origin of Huang Zhizhong's words:
Parents spend their whole lives waiting for their children to be grateful, and children spend their lives waiting for their parents to apologize. ”
The little things in the eyes of parents.
Why do children remember it for a lifetime?
I once read such a story in a book.
Soon after the girl was born, her parents left her at her grandmother's house for Tibetan aid. It wasn't until she was in elementary school that her parents returned to her.
But in less than half a year, the warm family life suddenly stopped because of his father's cheating. The mother focused all her energy on her father, ignored her, and even hated her.
A 10-year-old saw her classmate dressed in beautiful clothes. She asked again and again, but she could only wear old clothes that her mother didn't want.
Even though she is already an adult, she still can't understand why her mother is reluctant to buy clothes for herself, even though her family's financial situation is not bad at all.
This continued until she entered high school. Everyone else wore fancy clothes, but she could only wear loose and dull old clothes.
What's even more outrageous is that her mother never bought her a piece of underwear, and she wore everything her mother didn't want.
When she was in adolescence, when she was supposed to be free and flying, she was always hunched over. Whenever she rides her bike to and from school and looks at other people's clothes, she hates her mom for making her puberty colorless.
Now that she is married and has a daughter, she understands her mother's pain, but she still can't forgive her.
They also quarreled loudly. When she expressed her grievances, her mother just said coldly: "Then didn't you grow up well?" How can you hold a grudge for so long for such a trivial matter? ”
What I'm trying to say is that not having a new dress can be a trivial thing in the world.
But for children living in a small world, their own discomfort and the strange eyes of their peers are enough to crush their immature shoulders.
Feeling valued is the most important way for children to meet their emotional needs. Whether it's positive or negative, even if the child doesn't say it, it's likely to be remembered.
There was such a touching post on the hot search before: I didn't expect my mother to apologize to me for a trivial matter!
During the meal, the blogger told his mother about his grievances in elementary school:
Because she failed the exam, her mom threw her most cherished Ultraman eraser in front of her.
The mother later realizes that she was emotional and did something wrong, so she buys her child another Mickey Eraser, but she confesses to her mother, "I still miss my Ultraman Eraser." ”
As she spoke, she suddenly broke down and began to cry at the dinner table. Her mother couldn't hold it back and cried with her.
A day later, she suddenly received a message from her mother: "Baby daughter, my mother solemnly apologizes to you for what I did......”
She said that she never blamed her mother, but her mother's apology was enough to ** her grievances over the years, and she was finally able to completely let go of the grief at that time.
Different points of view, different points of view.
Adults are tall and can see far away, so they feel that many things are trivial, but children are different. Even breaking a cup is enough to worry them all day.
The reprimands of those parents, the strong control, and the small things in the eyes of the parents all left a deep imprint in the hearts of those at that time.
So, don't blame the children for "holding grudges", they just can't forget the big things in their eyes.
Children will remember the baby bowl for many years because their unmet emotional needs at the time have become a planted bomb.
We don't know when it will**, but it will** either hurt the child or ruin the parent-child relationship when you don't expect it.
There is no emotion that is not worth taking seriously, and there is no small thing that should not be taken seriously. A simple word from parents can erase the sadness in their children's hearts. Why not do the same for us?
It is hoped that the emotional needs of all children can be seen, cared for, and met, so that the intimate parent-child relationship will be warmer and stronger.