The concept of "attachment" was first developed by John, a famous British psychoanalyst and child psychiatrist in the field of psychology. Bowlby's definition is "the tendency of an individual to form a strong emotional bond with someone of special significance, to provide security and comfort to the individual", and in layman's terms, it is a stable and strong emotional bond between a child and his caregiver.
We can roughly divide the emotional connection between a child and a mother into three categories:
One is secure attachment. This type of child sees her mother as a "safe base" and a "safe haven", and takes the initiative to explore the environment with her as the center. This kind of child can fully let go of himself when he is accompanied by his mother, and his emotions are positive and stable, and the anxiety caused by his mother's short absence will also be swept away by his mother's return; And their mothers always look at their children with admiration and love, they do not take the initiative to interfere with their children's behavior, but more accompany and listen. When children are in danger, in need of help, or have emotional reactions that need to be reassured, they are able to quickly understand their feelings and provide them with the help they need.
The second is avoidant attachment. Such children always have an indifferent attitude towards their mothers, and they activate their inner self-protection mechanisms to completely isolate their expectations of their mothers. Because their mothers are impatient with their children, slow to respond to their behavior, they often lose control of their children's mistakes, subconsciously scold and complain about their children, and even have excessive behaviors. And when children look forward to interacting with their mothers, they often show absent-mindedness, negative feedback, or even ignore them outright. The child has the greatest desire and expectation for his mother again and again, but he has received an indifferent response again and again.
The third is anxious ambivalent attachment. This type of child cares very much about his mother's every move, and seems to be extra vigilant, their minds are observant, they want to contact their mother, but also resist contact, and it is difficult to integrate into the unfamiliar environment. Mothers of this type of child often misunderstand their children, and their own emotions are erratic; sometimes elated, very positive towards children; sometimes negative and depressed, ignoring children; They do not care for their children according to their needs, but force their children to conform to them according to their own so-called ideas, never caring whether the children want to or not.
Practice has found that there is a certain correlation between attachment in childhood and attachment in adulthood.
Children with secure attachment grow up to actively interact with others and easily develop trust-based relationships with others;
Children with avoidant attachment grow up to be suspicious and angry with others, and are not easy to form trusting and intimate interpersonal relationships.
Children with anxious ambivalent attachment often grow up to be overly nervous about other people's relationships, showing excessive greed and dependence on others.
In other words, the attachment relationship is crucial to the child's future growth and development, and the attachment relationship between the child and his parents in childhood will become an inseparable part of their psychology and personality, slowly taking root, germinating, developing, and bearing fruit in the child's heart like a seed.
If we plant the seeds of love, our children will grow up with security and trust in their hearts. And if the seeds of hatred are planted, then the harvest will be fear and insecurity. Let's be "good enough parents" to give our children positive responses, provide fertile ground for children's spiritual growth, and give them enough confidence to bravely explore the unknown world.