The girl took the initiative to break up, which does not mean that she does not love you at all, but because the contradictions and misunderstandings between you have not been resolved in time, and what you have done in love has always disappointed her, so that she cannot see the future. As time passed, the contradictions became deeper and deeper, and there were more and more misunderstandings, which led to the girls leaving in despair.
Boys always feel that once a girl is very ruthless, it means that they are not in love, and then think that such a girl is difficult to recover.
That's not the case at all!!
The male mind and the feminine mind are reversed in many places in a relationship! If a man behaves ruthlessly after a breakup, it is likely that he really wants to leave, this is because boys' thinking is rational and decision-making, and a well-thought-out decision to break up is naturally more rational and stubborn.
But that's not the case with women's thinking! They are more emotional, more emotional, and different from the boy's subtraction system in love, girls are in love with the plus point system, she will become more and more invested in the relationship over time, and today's ruthlessness is not only entangled in your emotional problems, but also because you are a person, your relationship has an unparalleled important position in her heart!
Because of the attention, so the expectation, and because of the expectation, so will be disappointed, will "hate iron does not become steel".
Many men obviously can't let go after a breakup, but when they see their girlfriend's desperation, they feel that she doesn't love her, and then they miss the precious opportunity to reconcile in vain.
In fact, their desperate performance after the breakup: blocking and deleting, avoiding meetings, and speaking cruelly, are just emotional routines.
They are often accustomed to expressing love in a "reverse" way, obviously wanting to hug you, but what they do is to push you away; In fact, what they desire is for you to see through her inner vulnerability and needs through her apparent determination and strength.
I understand everyone's anxiety and pain after a breakup, but saving a person who is determined to leave is not just by entanglement to make him relent. If you don't do anything that really affects the final result, and you do everything that makes the other person even more tired and repulsed, you try to use it in the wrong place, how can you get the desired result? Everyone pay attention to me, talk to me first, and I will help you sort out your thoughts, calm your emotions, and use your careerMore than 10 years of experience will help you analyze the direction and give you practical and useful help.
Then why did you try so hard to win her back, but it was useless, but made her more and more ruthless?
That's because your redemption is so wrong!
Let's analyze the reasons why many people have not made progress in the recovery process:
Exposing too much of a sense of need puts you at a disadvantage in the relationship. No matter how valuable you are or not, the other party will not change their opinion of you.
Human nature is like this, she knows that you will never leave, you have been held by her, you come and go as soon as you call it, full of security, without any sense of crisis and challenge, naturally you don't need to work you.
Your value is not equal, her value is much higher than yours, not only because of material things or choices, but also because you toss and let yourself fall in price.
Your stubbornness, obedience, and lack of self-cherishing are all blind tosses, and they are all manifestations of devaluing your own value.
Low-value people can't provide enough emotional value to the other party because of their own lack of ability and value, so they try to make up for this deficiency by accommodating and currying favor without principles and bottom lines, but they don't know that this will only make the other party look down on you even more.
In this process, if you can't restrain your impulses, it's easy to have an emotional breakdown, and then start a series of sassy operations, send her a message in the middle of the night saying that I miss you, or hit dozens of ** a day, forcing the other party to have to block you, and then fall into deep despair, not knowing what to do.
Now that you look back and think about it, is such an action really a redemption? It looks very affectionate, but in fact, it is essentially venting your negative emotions to the other party, she is already very disappointed in you, and you still expect her to continue to be responsible for your negative emotions after the breakup, isn't this an emotional kidnapping?
But you're still blaming her for being ruthless, of course she will, after all, no one can stand such pressure and suffocation!
Let me tell you a word,Breaking up does not mean that the other party has no feelings for you, but even if she has more feelings and reluctance for you, it is not a reason for you to blindly entangle.
As an adult, you learn to be responsible for what you do and take responsibility for your feelings. The real redemption is not just about playing an emotional card, but with a complete strategy and policy, it is a real transformation. Redemption is not to renew the edge, but to start a relationship again.
Correct operation of recovery:
The first step is to control your sense of need
Many boys actually don't fall in love, they think that being unconditionally good to girls will make her change her mind, but this kind of behavior regardless of cost not only does not get a return, but loses her bottom line of principles and sense of framework in front of girls, this behavior of constantly increasing investment, just constantly squeezing their final value, the final result is either abandoned by girls, or reduced to a spare tire.
Therefore, boys must have "manliness" in their relationships, be dominant, have their own opinions in everything, be self-motivated and have their own social circles, and have a certain momentum and plan for the future. Have your own independent life, instead of revolving around a woman every day, you must learn to restrain and restrain your own sense of need, and you must have your own bottom line in the process of redemption.
If the other party gives an obvious rejection signal after the breakup, it means that your previous actions are not accepted by the other party, and you have to stop stalking, at this time your entanglement will only make the other party more disgusted, and will only continue to consume your emotional foundation, and extinguish the last trace of hope for reconciliation.
Don't feel that you can't live without each other, and don't exaggerate the weight of the other person in your world. When the earth is gone, everyone rotates normally, and before you met each other, didn't you also have a good life? Why can't you survive when the other party stays in your world for a while and then leaves?
It can only show that you are used to the existence of the other person, and her sudden departure has broken the balance of your life, and some of your emotional needs that have been met have suddenly become vacant.
Secondly, don't do something that touches you after a breakup, your daily "good morning, good night", sincere care and dedication, are all subtraction behaviors. Do you think she needs your attention?
No, she doesn't need it at all.
You remember,When your personal value is not enough, no matter how much you give, it is a low-value flattery in the eyes of the other party and will not be cherished.
The more you can meet her needs, the more irreplaceable you will be in her heart, and the higher your value to her.
Of course, the other person's needs are not your daily greetings, but something deeper.
If after the breakup, you can't help but have made a stalker, and now the other party is more determined to you, please stop pestering immediately, and then follow me, talk to me first, I will help you calm down, and at the same time smooth out your thinking, and then analyze whether there is a chance to turn the situation around.
The second step is to find your own position in the relationship
What exactly is the real need of the other person in the relationship? Do you have a clear answer in your head right now? If not, it's no wonder you're being broken up.
Now, please follow the following lines of thought, let's explore together:
The development of any relationship has a beginning and an end, cause and effect. When you first developed from strangers to lovers, you developed a relationship because there was something in each other that could attract each other; And now, you have progressed from being a lover to breaking upIt must also be because you have exposed too many things in your relationship that are enough to stifle the attraction, and this "thing" is the "culprit" that makes you break out conflicts and quarrels again and again.
Think about it, what is the contradiction between you?
In fact, there are various reasons for different couples to break up, but in the final analysis, the reasons that can make a girl take the initiative to break up are inseparable from the following:
Your attraction is missing
Lack of attraction can be divided into three situationsOne is that in the initial stages of your relationship, you have a lack of attraction to the other personThe reason why the other party is willing to be with you is because of some other reasons, such as emptiness and loneliness, such as moving, etc.; In this case, you are always in the position of giving and catering to the other person in the relationship, and she enjoys your love more;
Second, there is a lack of attractiveness in the middle of relationship developmentThis is often related to boys who do not pay attention to emotional management, and slack psychology after the relationship is stable, such as no longer paying attention to their own image, sloppy every day, such as being very sunny and motivated, and later becoming depraved and depressed, addicted to games, etc.;
The third is that you can't keep up with the pace of the other party, the value of the other party is constantly improving, and you are still standing still, the gap between the two people is getting bigger and bigger, and your attraction to the other party is getting lower and lower.
The emotional needs of the other person are not being met
If the emotional needs of girls in love are higher than those of men, girls want messages to be returned in seconds, but boys are busy with work and can't get messages back in seconds, girls want to be together every holiday, but boys happen to need to travel, girls want more two-person worlds, but boys still have a group of friends to socialize, girls want boys to talk count, but boys always don't pay attention to this.
When there is a gap in the proportion of life in the love needs of two people, contradictions also appear.
Girls will be disappointed, disappointed by little things, don't look at a no-show, a late, a miss to accompany the company, the problem is not big, but the accumulation is like a snowball, and one day a big contradiction will break out.
If the boy pays attention to making up for the girl, and the girl understands the boy better, then the relationship can always go on. But if one party is not in place, such as the boy feels that it doesn't matter, or the girl can't restrain her emotional needs, plus the two people can't deal with the conflict, the breakup is inevitable.
Matter of principle
What are the issues of principle, such as cheating, domestic violence, gambling, etc.
This kind of problem is more special, and the damage caused to the other party is also relatively large, and the difficulty of recovery is correspondingly the highest.
If this is the case for you, it is recommended that you click the link below to add me to seek professional advice, which is more effective than trial and error alone.
Now, combined with the above analysis, think about it again, what is the contradiction between you? What is the core reason why the other party has to go?
You find out these reasons, and you will understand what the other party really needs in the relationship, what are your deficiencies in these needs, and then make up for these deficiencies by improving yourself, so that you can become a person who can meet the needs of the other party, you meet her needs, you are attractive to her, the more you meet the needs of the other party, the higher your irreplaceability to the other partyThis is your position in this relationship.
There can be no deviation in positioning, once deviation occurs, then all the efforts you make in the later stage are invalid, because the other party does not need it!
For example, what she wants is a caring boyfriend who responds to everything, so no matter how much you improve your career, you can't attract the other party; For example, she just wants a boyfriend with good economic conditions and a good life for her, no matter how much you improve your clothes, it will be useless; For example, she is a good-looking person, so no matter how much you pay to the other party, you can't get rid of the status of a spare tire.
Therefore, it is an indispensable step to accurately position, start from the needs of the other party, check and fill in the gaps, and reshape your own attraction to the other party.
The third step is to understand the way of thinking of girls and communicate effectively
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, there is a huge difference in the thinking of boys and girls, and if you only look at problems and communicate from your own point of view, there will only be contradictions and quarrels.
So what are the differences between the two thinking?
There is a difference in the way things are viewed
Boys' thinking is focused and logical, while girls' thinking is divergent, boys will simplify complex problems, and girls will complicate simple problems.
To take the simplest example, if you call the other party ** and no one answers, the boy will think that the girl is busy, and you can contact you later; But girls will be cranky, whether the boy went out to fool around, whether he was sick, whether he was in a car accident, and then began a series of ** information bombardment, until the boy replied, if the boy has not replied, then what awaits the boy is bloody rain.
There are differences in the way we think about things
Boys are rational, girls are emotional, when looking at the same thing, boys will analyze the clues and draw rational conclusions, but girls are more inclined to emotional choices.
To give a simple example, for example, if a girl is criticized by a leader, a boy is better at analyzing why she is criticized and how to prevent it next time from a rational aspect, while a girl is more eager to have someone understand her bad mood and someone to listen to her complaints, and it is best if you can complain about the leader with her.
When the emotions are vented, the girl is comfortable.
There are differences in attitudes towards quarrels
In the face of quarrels, boys analyze things, which is right and wrong, what is going on, while girls analyze people, which is your attitude when you quarrel, and then derive from whether you love her or not, they will abstract specific things, and the final conclusion is that you don't care about her.
Therefore, in the process of redemption, if you want to communicate effectively with girls and attract girls to continue to talk to you, you must understand women's thinking and communicate with her thinking, rather than standing in your own perspective and facing girls.
When you are in love, you can both quarrel because of differences in thinking, so after a breakup, you can no longer ask the other party to follow your thinking and you, right?
In intimate relationships, whether it is in the period of love or redemption, knowing how to empathize is an effective rule for managing relationships.
The fourth step is to manage emotions at all times
Finally, I would like to mention emotional management, in addition to the secondary attraction throughout the redemption process, there is also mentality and emotion, if you don't know how to control your mentality and emotions, even if you have more redemption skills, it will be greatly discounted.
You have to be prepared, the other party's attitude towards you must be unpredictable, don't disrupt your emotions and rhythm because of the other party's changes, you have to respond to all changes with the same, otherwise, you will be very internal.
For example, when the contact is disconnected, the other party changes her signature and changes her avatar, you don't have to guess whether she is going to start a new life;
For example, when the reunion is reunited, the other party's attitude to reply to you is better, and you don't start to talk at length on a whim to expose your sense of need; If the other party doesn't reply to you, you start to think crankily again, suffer from gains and losses, and can't help but start information bombardment again;
It is also very common for the other person to vent their emotions to you during the chat, complaining about how you treated her badly in the past, or saying that you only know to repent now, etcIn the face of the other party's emotions, don't be led astray by the other party's emotions.
You have to understand that it is a great thing that she has emotions for you, becauseThis means that your chat opens her cathartic window, and your words make her mood fluctuate - she still cares about you, and she still expects your change, which is why she talks to you so much.
Remember what we said earlier? The girl is always used to getting your attention by pushing you away, and behind her aggressiveness, she actually hopes that you can see through her fragile heart through her strong appearance!
Therefore, you still have to be emotionally stable, always accept the other person's negative emotions with a mature, accepting and tolerant attitude, so that she feels safe with you, you will always understand her and empathize with her, and you are a spiritual harbor that can comfort her.
When you can successfully soothe the other person's negative emotions and have the ability to comfort the other person, her sense of trust and dependence on you will greatly increase.
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