Writer: Easter Egg Dad
Seeing such a sentence made me deeply moved:"Every child dances on the tongue of their parents. ”
Adele FaberIt has been said:Never underestimate the impact your words can have on your child's life.
Therefore, it can be said that the future of children is actually in the words of parents.
If we are encouraging, we should naturally say more.
It's just that many times, some mantras from parents will really make your children weak and columbic.
If parents have these 5 mantras, their children's personality is easy to become weakWomb, change it
Seriously, our children's grandparents really like to talk to their children"You have to be obedient, obedient children are good! ”
Or: "Mom and Dad are also good for you, you have to listen to them!" ”
One thing to say, this is really a kind of PUA!
If you don't obey a child, won't you be well-behaved?
What your parents say must be right?
Do children have to be grateful to their parents for the sake of their children's welfare?
Then have parents ever thought about being obedient since childhood, and when they grow up, their children will be obedient again?
Parents are undoubtedly "authoritative" for children, and children themselves will trust their parents more. If at this time parents have to let their children listen to themselves completely, thenThere will be no room for the child to rebel at all.
Gradually, the child who will not resist not only listens to his parents, but also listens to his teachers, and even some classmates who bully him.
At this time, the child has actually learned "habitual obedience".
In the process of "obedience", children have lost their ability to judge and express themselves, and their personalities will become more and more cowardly, and they are afraid to do things and dare not move forward.
What we want is actually a child who can think independently, have opinions, and be able to distinguish right from wrong on his own, so that such a child can stand on his feet in the future society.
Therefore, instead of saying "obedient" to your child, say it to your child in a different way.
For example:, children go to the river to play in the water, parents do not let the child "obedient", butUse practical actions to let children "hear in their hearts".
My child told me that the river was dangerous, but he didn't listen, so I took a pebble and told him, "Look, this pebble accidentally fell into the river, can it still come up?" The child shook his head and never played by the river again.
When we got home, we said to our children:"If someone reminds you, you have to think about whether it is good for you or will hurt you. If it's good for you, then you should listen to it. ”
Learning to let children judge the seriousness of the matter by themselves, judge what others say, and remind them is "independent thinking".
Will you allow your child to talk back to you?
Originally, I wouldn't.
I think this is a sign of disrespect on the part of a child towards his parents.
Of course, there will also be parents who feel that this is a manifestation of disobedience and rebellion of their children.
But now I know that talking back is actually the beginning of "children expressing their own ideas".
If when the child is talking back, we blindly say to the child, "Try again".The child no longer dares to speak back, not because the child thinks the parents are right, but because of the parents' obscenity, they dare not have another seizure.
Over time, the child begins to be afraid to express his thoughts, and is silent to accept the parents' requests, reprimands, etc.
Cowardly character, that's how it came.
Actually,At the moment when the child talks back, there must be something wrong with one link.
PossiblyIt is the disagreement between the opinions of the parents and the opinions of the children;
PossiblyIt's the child who feels unfair, has a problem, and so on.
It is a good thing that the child has expressed it, and as parents, we are not to let the child "shut up", but to guide the child to "speak correctly".
For example:Parents can sit down with their children, calmly communicate the problem, how to solve the problem, etc., even if the parents are really wrong, don't feel embarrassed, change if you make a mistake, set a good example for your child, it's not a big deal.
In this way, the child'sEmotions will be more stableProblem-solving skills are improved, and parents'Relationships will also get better。The most important thing is that the child's personality will get better and better!
Parents: "Why are you so stupid?" ”
Are parents describing a fact objectively, or do they want to vent their emotions?
Either way, there is no doubt about the harm to the child.
The child's heart: "I'm stupid, I can't!" ”
Parents have denied their children, how can children build a strong heart for themselves? Such a label will always follow the child, and whenever the child is faced with something, he will think of retreating, because he is "stupid"!
The child will become more and more inferior and cowardly.
Whether the child can't do a thing well, or doesn't do well in the exam, or doesn't learn something, parents don't talk about it"Why are you so stupid" might as well be replaced with "Let's try harder".Only by giving children encouragement and methods can we give children self-confidence, which is the secret of making children "smarter".
Have you ever threatened your child with such words?
When Easter Egg was 3 years old, he once relied on a relative's house and didn't want to leave, and before we could do it, his grandfather threatened him:"If you don't go back, Mom and Dad won't want you! ”
That moment, Easter Egg DadI will always remember that the little love who had a lot of fun with the children crossed in an instant, and tears came out, crying and saying, "I'll go home!" I'm going home! ”
Presumably, many parents have tried this trick.
Yes, this method is effective, but do parents really understand the child's inner collapse at that time?
Mom and Dad don't want me" will also be planted in the hearts of childrenThe child's sense of security will be reduced, and the personality will become inferior and cowardly.
Parents think it's a joke, and words that make children obedientFor children, it is "the sky is falling".
Healthy jokes, there are many;
There are many ways to make children obedient.
I didn't think this sentence was very powerful before.
But after talking too much, I obviously feel that Easter eggs can't let go of their hands and feet when they are doing something.
"No matter how many times you say it, you just won't listen".In this case, it is actually telling the child:"Because you are disobedient, you are not doing a good job! ”
This is undoubtedly a blow to the child's self-confidence.
In fact, when parents say "how many times you say it, you just don't listen", do you realize it?You also know that you have said it so many times, and the child has not listened to it, so you should not wonder if it is not right, it is a problem of method and words?
We are equal and independent with children, and children do not listen to what they say, but at a certain level, there is still their own curiosity, they have not learned a certain skill, they want to try, and so on.
We should not be condescending, we should not jump to conclusions, we should not limit the sense of rules to children from our perspective, and we should not let children go on the track that we think, and then children will not be allowed if they are not within the scope of their parents.
This scope, this track, this rule, and this boundary should be the family to go together.
Written at the end of the article
Children's growth is not achieved overnight, as parentsGive your child more positive energy, more encouragement, and less negative language, and your child's growth pressure will be much less and the child will be happier than ever!
When such children grow up, they will be more confident!
Mom Circle