The rose is a bit sharp, but that's just a way it can protect itself. I remember that a netizen once asked: Why do people dare to do bad things to you, so bold? One of the high-voted replies really understands people: because you seem to be too easy to bully, people feel that you don't have to pay anything for doing something bad. Sometimes, kindness is so spoiled that it becomes as if it were humble. If you blindly compromise without a sense of the bottom line, you may give others a chance to take advantage of. In any relationship, if you always treat others with your heart, the result may be that you are not taken seriously. Don't look down on yourself, don't let yourself feel cheap and easy to get, this is the best gesture to interact with people.
The author has a very close friend. After leaving her job, the friend started a business, and he would come to her almost every day to spend money, and sometimes he would bring his colleagues around him to help. On ordinary days, she often advertises for her friends on the circle of friends to help her spread her reputation.
Even if she is occasionally busy and dizzy, she will still find time to help friends promote her business and conduct promotional activities. I thought that I was so good to my friend, and my friend should be able to know how to be grateful. Unfortunately, it backfired, but it turned out that friends became more and more taken for granted. Every time they meet, they ask her to introduce business and promote the activities in the store, and from time to time ** text messages keep looking for her, pestering her at every opportunity. As long as the evening love shows a little sign of busyness, her friend laments that the other party is not sincere enough to treat her.
If this situation continues, Wanqing can only sacrifice her own things to help her. However, it wasn't until one night that I was really busy panting for breath, and I politely refused my friend's request. But her friend was furious, and even reprimanded her for being extremely selfish, petty, and simply treacherous. Wanqing's heart was suddenly cold, and from beginning to end, he thought that he had paid enough, but he didn't get the reward he deserved. This is perhaps the darkest part of human nature. The more kind you are to others, the less they care about you. The more complete your selfless dedication, the more arbitrary the other person will be. Once you have unreservedly created a completely uninhibited self, others will not be kind to you.
There's a saying that's quite true: if you give too much, you're actually cultivating enemies who will take advantage of this advantage in disguise. The more you invest in a relationship, the more the other person may feel more and more inappropriate and perhaps excessive. This applies not only to friendships between friends, but also to family relationships. Take Xiaobin as an example, he shared a story: Duan Lin and his wife originally started by opening a restaurant, and the business was quite good, and after saving some money, they bought two houses, one for themselves to live in, and the other for the future children as a newlywed house.
The younger sister in my hometown heard that her sister was messing around outside, so she decided to take her husband to join her sister. Duan Lin felt very happy when she heard about this, and was worried that it would not be easy for the couple to find a place to stay in such a strange city, so she did not hesitate to take out another house she had just bought for them to live in for free. Seeing that they were empty-handed, Duan Lin helped her sister open a restaurant out of her own pocket. After being busy, I gave them all the money-making tips and operational experience I knew.
Over the years, no matter what difficulties her sister's family encountered, Duan Lin would always be obligated to provide emergency assistance until her sister's family truly lived a stable life. thought that with so much effort, my sister could at least be moved, but the reality was as unprepared as a hornet's nest. used his hard-earned house to fund his sister, but it caused an unexpected reaction. When Duan Lin planned to use his brother's house for his sister to live in to help him pay a down payment to buy a new house, his sister suddenly read it'Love said we couldn't sell the house that belonged to us.
Then, even the brother-in-law went to the kitchen and took out a kitchen knife and hurriedly shouted: This house is our family's property, why can you dispose of it casually? Looking at such a big reversal in front of him, Duan Lin was chilled, and completely broke out in disappointment and sadness, the result was naturally that Mars hit the earth, and he was almost about to go to the police station. As a result, relatives who were originally close and couldn't talk endlessly have now turned against each other and become enemies who can't see each other's good. As the saying goes: if you input too much but don't reap the rewards, you may eventually lead the relationship between the two parties to indifference and misdirection, even if the once deep and intimate family or friendship will eventually disappear.
In fact, the great writer of the ** period in everyone's impression, the famous Su Qing, she is not only talented, but also well-known for her selfless dedication and forbearance of humiliation. Back then, Su Qing obeyed his mother's words early, entered the palace of marriage, and paid a lot for the family. In order to take care of the whole family, she had to give up her favorite reading and poetry, and was busy with the tedious housework of cooking and cooking every day.
Even in order to repay the expectations of her relatives, she gave birth to four babies in a row in just five years, and spent almost half of the time with a big pregnant belly. Even though there was all kinds of resentment and helplessness in her heart, she still chose to persevere and always remain obedient. But what does this pay for? It is not that her family feels sorry for her tiredness, but that her husband's family oppresses and abuses her even more.
Her parents-in-law want her to take care of them wholeheartedly, and the children also want her to pay attention to them at all times, and all the big and small affairs of the family come to her every time. In addition, I have to face my husband's scolding and violence for no reason. However, in the face of these pains, Su Qing still chose to endure silently. Until one day, she learned that her husband had betrayed her, and her in-laws looked down on her with all kinds of ridicule behind her back. At this time, she finally came to her senses and decided to rebel, no longer unconditionally obeying everything, enduring everywhere, she resolutely divorced, no matter how the other party pleaded, she did not hesitate to walk away.
Later, she returned to writing, and by writing one masterpiece after another, she won custody of the children and made them take responsibility for the cost of raising them. Just when she changed her past cowardice and became stronger and more confident, her ex-husband became admiring when he saw her again. Other people have also changed their attitude towards her in the past, and no longer bully her at will. We all know that Bai Yansong once said such a sentence: Why are you being paid less and less attention by others? The reason is not that you are not capable, but that you are a person who always habitually hides your emotions and always disguises yourself as an easy person to get along with.
If people are kind, they are easy to be bullied; If a horse is tame, it can easily become a ride. If forbearance can't be exchanged for the respect of others, then it is better to learn to show your sharp sword. The reason why roses have thorns is not to hurt others, but essentially to protect themselves. We should try to be as clear as our bottom line and tell others what is acceptable and what is not. We need to understand that if you firmly state your own views and standards, others will not easily bully you.
There is another thing that people are talking about. That is the story about the famous painter Qi Baishi. Once, Qi Baishi once painted a painting entitled "Loquat Ripeness" for his so-called "friend". As a result, although the so-called "friend" accepted the work delivered to the door with a smile, he never mentioned the slightest clue about paying the subscription fee. When this "friend" came to visit again and asked for a new picture, Qi Baishi began to be vigilant and had a flash of inspiration, cleverly adding a few funny limericks to the center of the painting, in order to remind the other party: "Do you remember that time last year, I promised to paint you a picture?"
Today they came to me again to give me a new picture. This is all because of Li Jushi, so I have to use this poem as an official announcement of the severance of diplomatic relations between the two of us. Since then, when this so-called "old friend" wants to reach out to Qi Baishi to ask for the painting for free, he will feel a little guilty and uneasy.
The Silent Majority" says: "We live in this world and shoulder two basic responsibilities: first, we must be our own people; Secondly, you can't indulge others. Sometimes, we have to be tough and draw the bottom line clearly so that we can set our rules. We can't be polite to those who bother people or don't have the right appetite; For those who are contrary to our conscience, we must immediately reject them. Only when we become no longer weak, when we dare to fight against undesirable phenomena, I believe that the world full of vitality is still waiting for us! In a word: we cannot be bullied because of kindness, nor can we be used as tools by others because of meekness. You must learn to protect yourself, express your opinions, and show your personality in order to get the respect you deserve and win the trust of others.
In the movie "The Godfather", there is a sentence that is particularly classic:
Willingly and unconditionally being good to people will make people think that you are a bully and ride on your head; If you are too kind and do not adhere to principles, others will often act recklessly towards you. "
In any human interaction, we must not let ourselves be too cheap.
Although you are willing to give, you are friendly to others, these can be selfless dedication, there is no price to measure them, but they must not be cheap. You must know that sincere care and help are not just given.
Life should be lived authentically and chic, and there is no need to deliberately cater to others.
Maintain your own personality, resist resolutely when it is time to refuse, do not compromise easily, and do not need to retreat when it is time to be firm. Use your unique personality to weave a free and happy life, so that every moment is relaxed and comfortable, without pressure.