In our lives, it is often the case that when our parents pass away, we gradually lose contact with the older generation, and some even break off the relationship altogether.
There are three main reasons behind this phenomenon. These reasons relate to our understanding of family relationships, emotional entanglements with the past, and expectations for the future.
01 My parents are gone, and my homeland is gone
I have a rural friend, Uncle Zhang, who was 60 years old when his parents died. Uncle Zhang originally worked in the city, but on the day his parents died, he returned to his hometown alone and stood in front of his parents' graves, tears welling up.
At that moment, Uncle Zhang suddenly realized that he would never be able to return to his former hometown.
The scenery of the homeland is still the same, but the warmth of the homeland is gone. His parents were the last support in Uncle Zhang's heart, and the death of his parents made him realize that he could not return to his former hometown.
Standing in front of the tomb that day, Uncle Zhang was stunned for a long time. Looking at the names of his parents on the tombstone, he burst into tears.
02 The children and the older generation have not established a deep relationship
I have a cousin, Wang Ming, whose parents died young, and there is only one old aunt in the family to take care of him as he grew up. Wang Ming often went to his aunt's house for dinner when he was a child, and his aunt also took good care of him.
However, when Wang Ming grew up, he left his hometown to work in other places, and rarely went back to visit his old aunt. The old aunt called him **, and he just said a few perfunctory words.
Until one day, Wang Ming received a ** from his hometown, saying that his aunt was critically ill, so he hurriedly took a plane back to visit. However, the person was old and sick, and the old aunt walked quickly, and Wang Ming did not react much to the news of the old aunt's death.
I think the relationship between Wang Ming and the old aunt is quite superficial. The old aunt raised him, but the relationship was based on responsibility rather than affection. Wang Ming did not regard the old aunt as a real relative.
Otherwise, when the old aunt is sick, he will rush back to his hometown as soon as possible; He will not remain indifferent when the old aunt dies.
I think the same is true for a lot of people who have a relationship with their parents' generation. There is a blood relationship, but there is no emotional foundation. After the death of their parents, they lost their reason to keep in touch with these elderly people.
03 It is better to rely on others than on yourself
I also have a colleague in the city, Li Si, whose parents' hometown is in the countryside. In order to take care of his parents, who were getting weaker, Li Si also specially hired a nanny.
After the death of his parents, Li Si often went to visit the graves, and regularly called ** to care about relatives in his hometown. I thought that Li Si would always keep in touch with the people in his hometown, but I didn't expect that three years later, Li Si rarely mentioned the affairs of his hometown again.
Once at a party drinking, Li Si got drunk and confided in us the true situation of his hometown: after his parents died, the two uncles had to divide the old house; The cousins also eyed the land left by their parents, for fear that Li Si would want a piece of the pie. This made Li Si disheartened and no longer willing to have too much contact with people in his hometown.
In a drunken dream in the middle of the night, Li Si murmured bitterly, "After a lifetime, I finally understand that I will never trust those so-called 'relatives' again." On the road of life, only oneself is the most reliable dependence! ”
When people enter their twilight years, they will deeply understand that the most real thing in this world is only themselves. When parents pass away, the warmth of the hometown has gone, childhood playmates have also been scattered, those so-called "relatives", their emotions, often based on interests, once the interests disappear, the feelings will fade.
As a result, after the death of their parents, many people realize that the "relatives" they thought they could rely on are not reliable, so they choose to cut ties with the past and rely on themselves in turn. In fact, true family affection should be based on sincere feelings, not interests. As children, we should spend more time with our parents and communicate more with the older generation while they are alive.
In this way, when our parents pass away, we can feel the warmth of our hometown in our memories; Only the older generation can become the spiritual sustenance in our lives. Let our hearts be enriched by their presence, and let our lives be more wonderful because of their company.
After the death of our parents, the three reasons why we have less contact with the older generation are: the loss of our homeland, the lack of deep affection, and the fact that we are not more dependent on others than on ourselves. These reasons have led to a gradual alienation or even severance of our ties with the previous generation. However, behind this, perhaps what we should reflect on is how to regain that lost family affection, how to return our hearts to true peace.