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One day, the young father suddenly asked his son Lei Lei to call him "Dad" and his mother "Mom", because people have long called him so, and it is too rustic to call him "Dad" and "Mom".
Lei Lei was very happy and cooperative, and kept shouting "Dad" and "Mom", and Mom and Dad responded happily in a long voice. In the past, they called "Dad" and "Mom" to buy things, and they always pushed back; Now I call "Dad" and "Mom" to buy things, and I basically respond to my needs.
It turned out that they were so happy to change the name, and Lei Lei felt excited and happy. I decided to call my grandfather by a new name and make him happy too.
So Lei Lei yelled at his grandfather: "Master! Grandpa was really happy, and replied in a long voice, "Hey, my precious grandson!
Lei Lei also wanted to make his grandmother (locally called grandma her mother-in-law) happy, so he called "wife" with emotion, grandma was not as happy as grandpa, and trained him with a straight face.
Lei Lei also wanted to make his grandparents happy and happy, calling his grandfather "Lao Wai", but his grandfather was not happy: "I am obviously Chinese, how can I be called a foreigner?" Outrageous! How to call grandma, can't be called "foreigner", can't be called "wife", Lei Lei had an idea, called "old grandma", but grandma was not happy: "Am I so old, don't call me old!" ”
Bei Bei is the only child in the family, and his grandmother said that he is the "little emperor" of the family, and he has to use new ones for everything and eat fresh for everything.
Under the pampering and pampering of the whole family, Beibei hates using others and eating other people's "leftovers", such as toothpaste, which is new every day, and no longer uses it after using it once. This was too wasteful, so Dad thought of a way to buy the kind of small toothpaste used in many hotels to ensure that Beibei could use new toothpaste every day.
Once, when my uncle came to play at home, he finished his cigarettes, handed him 50 yuan, and said to him: "Go to the small supermarket downstairs and buy me a pack of cigarettes for more than ten or twenty yuan, and the rest of the money belongs to you, and you can buy whatever you want." ”
What, you want me to use the rest of the money? I don't want to do it, and I immediately asked my uncle strongly**: I don't need the rest of your money! ”
A: Liu Bang, the ancestor of Han Gao, has seventy-two sunspots on his buttocks; Zhu Yuanzhang, Taizu of the Ming Dynasty, was born with the face of the five mountains, with two foreheads, two cheeks, and a prominent chin, like the five mountains; Zhu Xi, a great Confucian in the Southern Song Dynasty, has seven black moles on the right side of his face, like the Big Dipper; Fan Xu can eat the whole pork leg raw, and Zhang Fei can sleep with his eyes open.
This is the difference between the two and the other, the so-called different from ordinary people, which can bring good luck and wealth.
B: According to what you say, I also have different opinions.
A: I can't see it!
B: My disagreement is not on my face.
A: What's going on?
B (with pants up): Down there.
A: Next? B: That's right, when I untie my hands, I always untie the small hands first and then the big hands, hehe......
Patient: Can the disease of "not seeing others better" be cured?
Divine Doctor: Of course it can be cured, there is no disease that I can't cure.
Patient: Then you can prescribe me a prescription.
Divine Doctor: Go back and find a strip of black cloth and put a blindfold on your eyes.
Next. Patient: You lied to people, I put on a thick strip of black cloth, and I still can't see others.
Divine Doctor (groaning): It seems that the symptoms have to be cured.
The divine doctor said, took out an awl, and said fiercely, stabbing you blind, you will not be able to see other people's healing at all, and your illness will be **.
The patient fled in fright.
My son is in the second grade this year, and since the first grade, he has swallowed a lot of words from the Internet, and has learned and applied them to daily life.
Because of the occupational disease of back pain caused by writing, the virtuous wife had to massage me every day, and my son's heart was unbalanced, so he also asked his mother to massage him, on the grounds that he suffered from "various incurable diseases such as waist and knee pain and irregular menstruation." ”
Every morning and evening, my son always waits until we give us orders before he is willing to brush his teeth** and get up to brush his teeth, and he is dissatisfied: "My parents are too vicious." ”
That day, I received 5,000 yuan for the manuscript, overjoyed, and said that I would donate 4,000 yuan to my wife, my wife was so excited that she hugged me and kissed and kissed, and my son couldn't get used to it, and proposed a strong **: You two don't be too arrogant! ”
In addition, forcing him to eat more is "ill-intentioned"; criticized him for not taking his homework seriously and was "spewing blood"; The weather is cold, and it is "conspiracy" to let him wear an extra piece of clothing sooner or later; Playing chess and playing cards and cheating is a ...... of "despicable villains" and "evil intentions".
Reagan, the former ** of the United States, was once hit by ** in the early days of his tenure, was seriously wounded, and the bullet penetrated his chest, and he was in critical condition.
At a life-or-death moment, the first thing Reagan said to his wife who came to visit was, "Honey, I forgot to dodge." ”
British Prime Minister Wilson was in the middle of a speech when a troublemaker suddenly interrupted him in the middle of a speech: "Shit! Litter! ”
Wilson took it in stride and smiled: "Sir, please don't be impatient, I will talk about your question about environmental protection in a moment." ”
The audience couldn't help but applaud his witty response.
Once, George Bernard Shaw, a great writer, was walking down the street and was hit by a daredevil's bicycle.
The perpetrator hurriedly helped him up and apologized repeatedly, and George Bernard Shaw patted his ass and said wittily: "Your luck is really bad, sir, if you knock me to death, you can be famous all over the world." ”
Once, Chaplin, the master of comedy, was robbed by robbers with a gun pointed at his head. Chaplin knew that he was at a disadvantage, so he did not make unnecessary resistance and obediently offered his wallet.
However, he said to the robbers: "This money is not mine, it belongs to my boss, and now that you have taken this money, the boss must think that I have embezzled it." Brother, I want to discuss with you, please shoot me twice in my hat to prove that I was robbed. ”
The robbers, carried away by the victory, did not think about it and fired two shots at their hats.
Chaplin pleaded again: "Brother, can you make another shot on my clothes and trousers, so that my boss can be convinced." ”
The robbers did so, and all six rounds were gone. At this time, Chaplin swung his fist, knocked the robber unconscious, retrieved the wallet and walked away with a smile.
A noble lady arrogantly said to the French writer Maupassant: "Your ** is nothing remarkable, but seriously, your beard is very good-looking, why do you have such a big beard?" ”
Maupassant smiled faintly: "At least I can give those who don't know anything about literature a reason to praise me." ”
Those intoxicating high humor (Nine Plane Special Edition) Those intoxicating high humor (8) Those intoxicating high humor (7) Those intoxicating high humor (6) Those intoxicating high humor (5).