1. My sister is still single at the age of thirty, and today she just came home and her mother started nagging again.
My sister muttered impatiently: "Mom, how many times have I said it, I spend money lavishly, I don't marry if I don't have money, I can't hurt people!" ”
I couldn't listen anymore: "If you can't get married, you can get rid of a money worshipper!" ”
When my mother heard this, she turned to me and yelled, "Shut up, you poor boy have the right to make fun of a person who fights for his ideals!" ”
2Thou hast swept the land ...... todayIn the afternoon, a beautiful woman made a bet with me: "Don't you brag every day that you are knowledgeable?" Make a bet with you, you can say the words "of", "land" and "get" in one sentence, and if I lose, I am willing to do whatever you ask me to do! I said, "You have to clean the land today......”
3When I was in elementary school, I was the class leader, and every day the teacher came to class, I had to shout: "Go to class."
As the squad leader, I shouted, "Stand up."
Then the whole class stood up with a bang, and they were all safe until one day the teacher suddenly changed his routine.
As soon as I entered the classroom, I shouted, "Stand up,"
The classmates didn't react and didn't stand up, so I immediately shouted, "Go to class."
The classmates stood up with a snort, and at this moment the teacher and I must have thought the same thing: shouting wrong!
4 Ah Gua broke up with his girlfriend, Ah Gua asked his girlfriend: "Do you think our relationship can still be saved?" ”
The girlfriend replied: "It's a key on the **!" ”
Agua: "Is it a redipulation?" ”
Girlfriend: "No, it's hands-free!"
5 Last night, I had dinner at my buddy's house, and we all went with our daughters-in-law. After they finished eating, they went to the next room to play mahjong, and the brothers continued to drink sea blowing on the wine table. After drinking too much, I only listened to their various complaints and dissatisfactions. When it was my turn, I said: My daughter-in-law is not only beautiful, but also very diligent and ......Because, I wasn't drunk, and I noticed that the sound of mahjong hadn't been heard in the next room for a long time!
6 ...... one morning, Xiao Ming still got on the bus, and the girl who had been in love for a long time appeared on the bus again, and today he finally mustered up the courage and wrote a note to her ......
I want to be friends with you, and if you want, please send the note back, or else please throw it out the window and let it go with the wind! ”
It didn't take long for the note to come back, and Xiao Ming couldn't help but "secretly rejoice...... in his heart"I'm still very attractive! ......Hee ......
The corners of his mouth rose slightly, and he opened the note with confidence, and looked at the ...... with a victorious attitude
Sorry, the window won't open ......”
7I rarely smoke, but one day I smoked at home, and I was leisurely exhaling smoke.
My three-year-old son, who was sitting next to me, suddenly ran into the bedroom and shouted, "Mommy, Mommy!" Come on, ......Daddy's mouth is on fire, and it's still smoking!
8 Xiao Ming borrowed 500 yuan from his father, 500 yuan from his mother, and 970 yuan to buy a pair of leather shoes. There are 30 yuan left, 10 yuan for my father, 10 yuan for my mother, 10 yuan for myself, 490 yuan for my father, 490 yuan for my mother, 490 + 490 = 980. Plus your own 10 pieces = 990. And 10 pieces to go to **?
9 As soon as I entered the elevator, a lady followed me with a big and strong Demu. The dog has a lot of strength, and the lady holds the leash with both hands very hard and does not dare to let go. I said gentlemanly, "Hello, what floor are you going to?" Do you want me to press it for you? The lady said, "15th floor, thank you." I nodded, pushed the dog to the ground with all my might, and said to the lady, "Quick, I'll hold it, you can press the 15th floor!" ”
10 women are all **, especially beautiful women!
Today at home, I am myself, beautiful girlfriends came to play with me, at noon, I told my girlfriend not to cook, order some takeout, my girlfriend shook her head and said: "Don't eat, don't eat, I dieted **, I lost a few pounds." ”
After repeatedly confirming that my girlfriend didn't eat it, I ordered a shrimp fried rice, and after the takeaway was delivered, I went to the toilet, and then washed my hands, and when I came out, I saw an empty disposable lunch box, and my girlfriend ...... wiping her mouth and burping