1 took my son out to play, my son was too naughty, and the person next to me said that he was a child without a tutor, and I was very angry when I heard it: "Why do you say that he has no tutor?" ”
Man: "What did I say?" You're his father, aren't you? I'll talk to you about it! ”
I didn't see that it was right, so I quickly replied: "No, I am the tutor hired by this child's father." ”
2. The mother was not very satisfied with the girlfriend that her son brought back, and complained: "That girl is too thin, as thin as a monkey spirit ......."The son said unhappily: "It's a little thinner, but it can't be said that she is a monkey spirit, at most she is a beautiful thin swan." The old mother patted her thigh and said, "Then you can't marry her, if she is a swan, you won't become a clam."
3. One day, the husband returned to his room naked after taking a bath.
The wife pointed to her husband's back and said, "One mole, two moles, wow, why do you have so many moles?"
The husband said leisurely: "This shows that your husband is a good man!" ”
The wife was puzzled: "Why? ”
The husband said proudly: "You don't understand this, I call it "Mole Duoxing"! ”
4 My mobile phone is out of battery, so I take the room to charge it, and I go to the kitchen to stir-fry for my relatives who come to pay New Year's greetings. I went to take a look at my phone again, and found that Da Ge had called a few ** half an hour ago, and sent two WeChat messages: "Brother, come on, I'm drunk and sitting on xx street, and a few vicious dogs surround me!" The other was: "Brother, don't use it, I vomited all over the ground, and they got drunk after eating."
5 One day, Xiaojun wrote an essay in the classroom: "My Home".
Xiaojun wrote: "My family has three people, my father and mother, and I, as soon as we go out every morning, the three of us go our separate ways, go our separate ways, and end up the same way in the evening.
Dad is an architect, and he points fingers on the construction site every day; Mom is a salesperson, and she doesn't refuse anyone to come to the store every day; I'm a student, and I'm stuck in the classroom every day.
The three members of my family smell the same, and the family is harmonious, but when my grades are not good, my father also fights in the same room, and beats me cruelly, and my mother stands by and watches, never seeing righteousness and bravery. ”
6 My classmate went out to play with the girl, and after drinking some in the evening, the girl said that she would not return, so she opened a room, and it is said that the girl took the initiative to take his hand to his waist at night, and the classmate was stunned and did nothing. The next day the girl was going to fall in love with him, and now it's been more than two years. The girl recalled that when she tested several men with this method, she wanted to find an honest one, and my classmate was quite happy.
7My dad has always been very talkative and loves to eat snacks. I remember one day when I was in elementary school, I was left late by my teacher. Halfway through, I saw my father coming to pick me up from a distance, still nibbling on a sugar cane in his mouth. When they saw me, they didn't say a word, silently folded the sugarcane into 2 sections, and then our father and daughter gnawed on the sugarcane and went home, without saying a word all the way. Now that I think about it, it's very loving.
8 A man went to the bookstore to buy a book and asked: "Happy Married Life" is **? Clerk: The book belongs to the fantasy category**, in the first row. Men: What about "The Way of Getting Along with Husband and Wife"? Clerk: The book belongs to the martial arts category**, in the second row. Men: "The Essentials of Financial Management and Home Purchase"? Clerk: That's delusional syndrome, psychopathy, in row eight. Men: "A man should be the head of the family"? Clerk: What are you kidding, we don't sell fairy tale books here!
9 I especially like to eat boiled instant noodles, and once I had a new boyfriend. I pretend to be a lady, and I slowly bite off and eat one by one. He looked at me and said, "Come bald," I don't dislike you.
10The husband who was addicted to gambling started a casino at home, and at night, his wife was so noisy that she could not sleep, so she came to the living room and scolded: "Listen, this is my house, and you won't let me sleep." ”
The husband, who was playing cards, said, "Whisper dear, this is not our house now." ”
The wife was even more angry and scolded angrily: "You loser, I won't live with you." ”
Husband: "It's okay dear, I just lost again, and you're not my wife anymore." ”
11 I heard a girl calling her boyfriend in the subway, and she said this: "I'm already in xxx, you come out and go to the subway station." If you arrive and I haven't arrived yet, you can wait. If I arrive and you haven't arrived, just wait. ”
12When a hungry wolf forages for food, he hears a woman training a child: If you cry again, you will be thrown out to feed the wolf! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside the door until dawn, and sighed: "* Women in the world are **!"