My name is Li Xiufen, I am 65 years old and I was a secondary school teacher before I retired. My wife and I have a son and a daughter, the son is called Zhao Lei, and the daughter is Zhao Li. My wife passed away five years ago due to illness, and now I live with my son and daughter-in-law. I originally thought that I would be able to enjoy family happiness in my old age, but in recent years, I feel that my son and daughter-in-law have become more and more cold towards me, and even a little disgusted. I couldn't help but reflect on what I had done wrong and why I ended up in such a situation.
I began to pay attention to my words and actions, trying to find the root of the problem. I noticed that some bad habits of the elderly may have caused tension between me and my son and daughter-in-law.
Habit 1: Excessive interference
Since the birth of my grandson, I have volunteered to take care of my grandson. However, as my grandson grew older, I found it increasingly difficult to let go. I often give my opinion on my daughter-in-law's education and even directly interfere with her decisions. For example, when my daughter-in-law wants to let my grandson eat by herself, I am always worried that my grandson will not have enough to eat, so I grab the spoon and feed it myself. This behavior made her daughter-in-law feel helpless and made her feel that her authority had been challenged.
Habit 2: Be opinionated
As I grew older, I gradually developed my own habits and perceptions of life, which were often different from those of young people. For example, I like to wake up early and exercise in the morning, while my daughter-in-law thinks it's better to exercise in the evening. Whenever she brings up the benefits of exercising at night, I always stand by my point and even refute her with "that's what I used to do and I'm in good health now." Such stubbornness makes it difficult for my daughter-in-law to communicate with me.
Habit 3: Nosy
At home, I always like to meddle in various things. Whether it's my son's work or my daughter-in-law's social activities, I want to ask about it. Sometimes, I even comment on my daughter-in-law's friends behind my back, making her feel that her social circle is being interfered with. This kind of behavior made my daughter-in-law feel very uncomfortable and made my relationship with her even more strained.
Habit 4: Lack of a sense of boundaries
I often forget the boundaries between myself and my son and daughter-in-law and excessively intrude into their private space. For example, I'll casually go into their bedrooms and even rummage through their personal belongings when they're not home. This behavior made my son and daughter-in-law feel that their privacy had been violated, and it also made my relationship with them even more awkward.
Habit 5: Complaining and negativity
As I grew older, I gradually became less satisfied with my life and often complained about the unsatisfactory things in my life. These complaints not only made my son and daughter-in-law feel depressed, but also made them feel that the atmosphere was heavy when they were with me. In addition, I tend to get caught up in negativity and have a pessimistic attitude towards the things around me. This emotional state made it difficult for my family to get along with me.
Habit 6: Lack of self-growth
After retirement, I gradually immersed myself in my own world, reluctant to accept new knowledge and ideas. I lacked the motivation to grow and was reluctant to learn new skills or participate in social activities. This state has made me more and more distant from young people, and it has also made my son and daughter-in-law find it difficult to communicate with me.
After becoming aware of these problems, I began to work on changing myself. I try to let go and let my daughter-in-law take care of her grandchildren independently and respect her way of upbringing; I also began to try to accept the habits and opinions of young people, and no longer be stubborn. At the same time, I tried to control my curiosity and no longer meddle in the private affairs of my son and daughter-in-law; I've also learned to respect their privacy and personal space and stop casually entering their bedrooms or rummaging through their personal belongings.
In addition, I try to adjust my mindset to reduce complaints and negativity, and fill the home with a positive and optimistic atmosphere. I also started to focus on self-growth, learning new knowledge and skills, and keeping myself up to date.
After a period of hard work, I found that my son and daughter-in-law's attitude towards me has improved significantly. They began to take the initiative to communicate with me and share the moments of their lives. I also feel more fulfilled and fulfilled and have a more harmonious relationship with my family.
Now, I understand why my son and daughter-in-law used to hate me. It turned out that it was because of some bad habits that existed in my body that made them feel uncomfortable. By changing these habits, I have not only improved my relationship with my family, but also made my later life better. I hope that my experience can shed some light on other seniors so that we can all have a happy and harmonious old age.