It is no exaggeration to say that last semester, because the boss met a particularly responsible, or particularly strict class teacher, the relationship between us and the children became tense.
The teacher is very responsible, and the interaction with the parents is very frequent, today it is: "Do you care about the child", tomorrow it is: "There are a lot of mistakes in dictation", and the day after tomorrow it is "the dictation is not corrected" ......Anyway, just because of the problem of Chinese dictation, they have come to me n times, and even asked me to go to the school for an interview because of this.
I also want to cooperate well with a good teacher, and I also want this kid in my family to fight for me. Therefore, I adopted the persuasion of reasoning first and good words. It's a pity that my kid doesn't get in, and no matter what I say, the mistakes in dictation are still not corrected.
No matter, the teacher is looking for me. Manage, the stinky boy won't cooperate at all. I'm a proper sandwich, and it's so uncomfortable to be sandwiched in the middle. So, I threw away all the experts' so-called "children can't fight, they must speak well, and reason well". After the fight, he cried, and we were ...... with fire above our heads
How did this parent-child relationship come to such a point?
At present, the parent-child relationship between parents and children has become a serious social problem. I'm sure many parents have had a similar experience to the tension between me and my child last semester. We also all know the importance of parent-child relationship for children's lifelong growth, and we also want to communicate well with children.
Why, we couldn't find a way!
At this time, there is really a need for a practical and step-by-step book to teach parents how to deal with parent-child relationships.
Mr. He Lingfeng has been engaged in psychology research for 35 years, saving children who jumped off buildings, helping families who collapsed, training national psychological counselors, and training national team athletes.
At the same time, he is also a father, he also has children, and he has also stepped on many pitfalls on the way to accompany his daughter's growth. He can be summed up like this: he is a psychologist and a father, and he has both theoretical and practical experience in the bits and pieces of parent-child relationship.
It is precisely because of the pit he has stepped on that he doesn't want others to step on again. He said that especially after witnessing too many tragedies, he thought that he could save a few children and help a few families if he could.
His new book "Being Teammates with Children" is a very practical parenting book, which is the heartfelt words of a father who has studied psychology and stepped on the pit of parenting. In the book, he offers many practical tips on how to get along with children. Through this book, parents can better understand their children's needs, emotions, and behaviors, so that they can better relate to them.
Know that parents are the starting point for children. As a parent, don't limit your child's world by yourself.
To tell the truth, in the process of reading this book, I saw that when I had a similar experience with my two children, I sat down with the right number, and when I saw what Mr. He said, I was ashamed for a while, moved for a while, made a decision for a while, and was full of hope for the future for a while. This book, in my opinion, is not about teaching parents how to discipline their children, but about teaching parents how to be parents, how to stand with their children, and be their teammates rather than opponents!
1. Stabilize yourself and have another child.
A child's childhood requires a stable environment, which is the basis for his lifelong security. The first is emotional stability and relationship stability. Second, the job is stable and the income is stable. Third, the main dependents are stable.
2. Choose the right school for your child.
If you can't choose a school, just follow it; If you can choose a school, choose a school where your child can live well, and don't choose a so-called prestigious school that everyone thinks is good.
Third, we must do something and do nothing.
The road of life is not getting wider and wider, but getting narrower and narrower. And this narrowness will eventually be narrow to the child's longboard rather than the short board. Therefore, to raise a child, you need to open up a piece of land for the child to keep for himself, let him grow freely, and maybe the child will become famous.
Fourth, learn to separate from your children.
It is best to be able to accompany you wholeheartedly before the age of 3;
Before the age of one and a half, it should be more demanding;
At the age of 3-6, he should be more involved in multiplayer games rather than subject learning;
After entering primary school, the main thing is to cultivate good study habits and maintain a strong curiosity to learn, as for academic performance, it is not very important, and strive to achieve that parents in the upper grades of primary school can completely let go;
After entering junior high school, you should support your child's social activities, create a social support system, and maintain a good parent-child relationship and emotional state to support your child's career orientation. At this stage, the owner should change positions, take the initiative to give up power, and give full play to the child's autonomy;
After entering high school, you should be your child's learning assistant, love counselor, and life counselor to prepare your child for his or her own independent life;
After going to college, you should be an appreciator and inspirer, only support, not oppose, help if you can, and let go if you can't help.
If you don't do your homework, your mother is kind and filial to your son, and when you write your homework, the chicken flies and the dog jumps. I think this should be the real picture of more than 80% of the families having children today.
Aside from studying, the relationship between parents and children should be as good as it gets. As soon as I talk about homework, I immediately get sick.
No, this Spring Festival, before my father and son returned to their hometown three times, I specially explained to my father, who has a very low emotional intelligence, for the Chinese New Year, don't ask about the grades of relatives and children after going back, you have to be a little blind, don't open which pot is not opened.
We don't mention it, but we can't avoid it. As a parent, you still have to be brave to face your children's learning and find ways to help them become a master of learning.
1. Find the right rules of learning to learn.
Can't learn English well? That's because the learning pattern is wrong. We don't learn according to the rules of language learning.
Children's language learning starts with the context, the context, the chapter, the paragraphs, the sentences, and then the refinement – phrases, words, and finally strokes. When I learn English, I ...... sentences, words, and phrasesIf there is no connection at all, how can children learn well?
Therefore, if you want to learn English well, as a parent, you must first teach your child to connect with daily life and connect with emotions.
Not connecting, rote memorization, memorizing a word alone, memorizing it 800 times is not necessarily useful, and it is not necessarily remembered.
2. If you want to study well, don't ignore the importance of sports.
The success of an elite athlete is tantamount to the following commonalities:
The first is passion, determination, and perseverance;
The second is metacognition, the ability to be aware of and control one's own mind and body;
Again, it is a psychological strategy, precise calculation, optimal choice, and on-the-spot disposal, always one step ahead of others, one beat ahead;
Finally, there is self-feedback and self-motivation.
3. Let your child play video games appropriately.
Many people criticize the mat game, thinking that it is misleading for children and making children lose their minds. In fact, there are pros and cons to everything. The successful model of video games is still worth learning.
The fundamentals of game design are especially worth learning from parents and parents.
1. Guide children to find learning goals;
2. Give them rewards and be timely, in the form of in-game points;
3. Guide children to experience a sense of accomplishment through hard work in learning;
4. Guide children to discuss learning matters with other classmates or friends, just like playing games and chatting happily with teammates;
5. Treat the exam as a game, and you need to know how to do it, such as leaving the difficult questions at the end.
The relationship between parents and children is not antagonistic and confrontational, but mutually supportive, cooperative and mutually helpful.
In the matter of raising children, it is not something that can be done quickly in one day, but we need to spend half of our lives to love and accompany them.
In this half-life companionship, as parents, our role should not be that of supervisors, judges, rewards and punishments, but of companions, supporters and helpers.
When the child is not doing well, we have to point it out; When a child does well, we also need to praise him without hesitation, so that he knows that his parents see their excellent and shining side; When they are treated unfairly, bullied, and wronged, we also need to stand on the side of the child as soon as possible and uphold justice for the child, just like Han Ming in this year's Chinese New Year movie "Article 20", although he did not stand on the side of the child at first, which made his son very incomprehensible, but in the end he supported his son's approach, sought justice for his son, and told the child with practical actions: When encountering bullying, it is right to stand up.
Only in this way can we truly enter the hearts of our children and become teammates they can trust and rely on.
No matter who you are, you need to take the road step by step.
Every child is unique in this world, there is a place to shine, as parents, we must see more of the child's shining place, do not blindly criticize him, accuse him, or even use violent means.
We may not be able to help children on the way of children's growth, but don't hurt them because of some of our obsessions.
As a father and mother, if you don't even know what your child's problem is, then you are not worthy of being a parent, no wonder you will stand on the opposite side of your child. If you want to be teammates with your child, you can only understand the problem of your child, find the problem with him, analyze the cause, and find a way to correct it.
Parents also grow up from their children little by little.
Parents are just changing their roles and roles, so we shouldn't have a high posture and have to let children obey you. Once the child has some ideas of his own, he has to hit and scold. This kind of parenting concept will eventually harm others and oneself.
Be teammates with your child, look at things from your child's point of view, and believe that your child's change will be amazing.
Mr. He, the whole book is a combination of in-depth self-criticism and self-reflection from the perspective of parents, which explains the core content of parent-child education and explains the essence of education.
Teammates with Children is not so much a professional book on psychology as it is a father who shares his parenting experience with everyone with a peaceful mind.
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