5 pieces of advice for all those with a soft personality

In life, do you often have such moments:

Others have no intention of making you think and sit still with a look or a word;

If you don't complete a thing well, even if it's a small detail, you will repeatedly suffer from internal friction and be full of self-blame;

It is particularly susceptible to the surrounding environment and often depressed for small things.

If you always feel this way, it means that your emotions are strong and you belong to the "highly sensitive group".

Actually, there is no need to panic or be ashamed of it.

The famous psychologist Imi Lowe said: ".Being highly sensitive is an innate trait, not a 'disease'!

She has written about her observations over the years in her new book, "Your Sensitivity Is Your Talent", in which she shares a lot of ways to get along with sensitive personalities based on research and research.

After reading this book, you will find that a lot of pain, the essence of which is inner pain, a lot of entanglement, in fact, the root is not in yourself.

Sensitivity is a gift from God, and people with a soft temperament, once they learn to get along with sensitivity, they can find their own advantages.

About socializing: positive in growth, bad in personnel.

We have the impression that sensitive people are often sentimental and closed at heart.

However, American psychiatrist Elaine Allen once did a study showing that 30% of highly sensitive people are active in social activities and are extroverted.

The sensitivity of their personalities makes them bear a greater psychological burden than ordinary people, and they would rather force themselves to socialize and pretend to be happy, but also create a likable "extroverted personality".

In the book, sensitive people often have such "inner drama" in social interactions:

Am I being too harsh and arrogant? Why can't I lower my expectations?

Does leaving mean betrayal?

Instead of catering outwardly, it is better to take back the sensitive tentacles from personnel and explore your own growth.

The Portuguese poet Pessoa is known as a "national treasure" writer.

What is little known is that before his death, Pessoa was just a small employee of a company, living a life of two points and one line every day.

Except for work exchanges, he never participates in any social activities, nor does he like to invite friends to eat, drink and have fun.

He was a man of few words, often alone, drinking coffee, observing the crowds of people coming and going on the road, and falling into deep thought.

Everyone talked about him, but he went his own way.

I long for obscurity, for the silence of obscurity, for the tranquility of being myself. ”

Countless people spend time in meaningless social interactions, adding to their annoyance, focusing on getting along with himself, constantly reading, writing, and incorporating a sensitive perception of reality into his works.

He wrote voluminous poems, which later generations praised: "Portugal can only be understood through Pessoa." ”

People tend to think of interaction as a competency, but ignore that solitude is also a competency.

As it is written in "Demian": ".God uses various ways to make people lonely so that we can come to ourselves.

Others are not your other side, the real other side is always yourself.

In many cases, the sophistication of people and social communication will become a drag on self-growth.

As long as a person is full of heart, he does not need to ask outwardly.

People who perceive everything around them with sensitivity will always be lively, carnival, and even satisfied in their hearts.

Even if you are alone and living alone, you can live your own unique style.

About emotions: empathize less with others and pay more attention to yourself.

Many sensitive people often have uncontrollable emotions that are affected and infected by others.

The book mentions that people with strong empathy are good listeners, but because of this, they will be trapped in the joys and sorrows of others, and become the "emotional dumping ground" of others.

The result is often that the other party forgets after pouring the bitter water, leaving himself alone and bored.

They always live their lives upside down, often caring too much about others and neglecting themselves.

If a person always neglects his own needs and feelings, he or she will pay for the emotions of others throughout his life.

In the variety show "Jumping to a High-level Workplace", there is such a scene.

The client asked for the copywriting to be submitted early the next morning. Due to the urgency of time, many players expressed their position in public and worked overtime all night to complete the work.

Contestant August said bluntly: "I never stay up all night, I have to go to bed at 11 o'clock every day. I'm used to doing things in the morning. ”

Everyone is full of doubts about August and tries to persuade her to stay with her, but August gives up her work and goes home.

Early the next morning, August came to the company.

The other players, with their "late night faces", fell into a state of exhaustion and anxiety.

August was not affected in the slightest, and the work was carried out at its own pace and in an orderly manner.

It didn't take long for her to submit her copywriting ideas on time, and the copywriting received a lot of praise.

August said: "If your heart is sincere, why be afraid to be an indifferent person." ”

Indifference is nothing more than emotionally distinguishing between you and me, drawing a clear line in dealing with others, and keeping yourself from unwarranted incursions.

The Courage to Be Hated says:

As long as you don't pay attention to anyone's dynamics, don't speculate on anyone's thoughts, don't imagine things that don't happen, be simple, blunt, and slow down, and you'll find that you're living comfortably.

For emotionally sensitive people, not looking, not listening, not thinking, not reading, is the simplest self-protection.

Be sensitive to your own feelings, and you will find that there is no one or anything in this world that will shake you, change you, or hurt you.

You know, life belongs to everyone's own feelings, not to anyone's opinions.

Don't empathize with others and make yourself fragile.

About the choice: escape from the crowd and be unafraid of being a maverick.

There is a saying: "Life is like Tetris, you fit in, and you disappear." ”

The book tells the story of Carl Jung, the master of psychology.

Jung was born in 19th-century Switzerland to a traditional religious family.

As a child, he didn't get special attention because of his introverted and melancholy personality.

With no one to accompany him, he ran to the study by himself to read.

After reading more books, he developed a belief in science, and gradually stopped believing in the morality spread by his family.

One day, he announced to his family that he was not going to inherit the family mantle, but to study the psychology that interested him.

You must know that European missionaries have a very prominent status and are a proper "golden job bowl".

Many people laughed at him for being stupid, but Jung didn't care and said:

Man has two lives. One is a life that lives in the eyes of others, and the other is a life that lives in one's own heart.

In order to live a "life in his heart", he resolutely left his family and followed the master of psychology Sigmund Freud to do research together.

Freud also admired him very much and wanted Jung to be his "** person".

Later, as his studies deepened, Jung had a great disagreement with his teacher in theory.

He was called a "deviant," friends and colleagues turned their backs on him, and his doctrines were harshly criticized.

So, he left the mainstream circle and began to concentrate on studying his subconscious.

As a result, he founded Jung's theory of personality analysis psychology, which had a profound impact on later generations.

In the real world, when we get rid of the crowd, we will always encounter a lot of opposition and doubts.

How many people have been smoothed out of their sharp thinking, and in the end they have to be ignored by everyone.

"If prudence becomes the primary goal in your life, you may be killing your potential," the book says. ”

What everyone thinks is the right and safe choice may not belong to us.

If we blindly conform to the herd, we will gradually be assimilated by mediocrity.

In this world, how many people have lost themselves in the eyes of others, and how many people have achieved themselves in the criticism of others.

Maintain a curious, keen and unwilling heart, and the narrow life can go wider and wider.

About internal friction: you can reject others, and you don't have to embarrass yourself.

Have you ever noticed that sensitive children are often the most sensible children in the family?

It is mentioned in the book that because they are accustomed to thinking about others before themselves.

Ye Zang, the protagonist of "Disqualification in the World", is such a "little adult".

Ye Zang has a good background and is also smart and handsome, but he is introverted, weak, and sensitive, which makes him suffer from snacks.

One day, the father was on a business trip, and before leaving, he asked the children what they wanted.

Every child happily said what they wanted, and it was Ye Zang's turn, he obviously wanted the book, but he was careful not to speak.

The father hinted that the lion dance mask was good.

Ye Zang didn't like the lion dance mask, but he cared about his father's thoughts very much, and he couldn't answer for a long time.

Seeing his hesitation, his father angrily returned to the study, which made Ye Zang feel terrified.

In the middle of the night, he couldn't sleep, so he got up and sneaked into the study, and wrote the words "lion dance" in his father's notebook.

After their father returned, each child got their favorite gifts, but Ye Zang's gift was a mask that he didn't like.

Ye Zang pressed the disappointment into his heart and said: "My misfortune lies precisely in my lack of ability to refuse. ”

A sensitive and weak person like Hazo, the author mentions,They "sometimes over-interpret their interactions with others, and are quick to place the blame on themselves when a conflict arises."

Sensitive people don't dare to say no to others, but many times the more they think about it, the more it backfires.

Patience does not win respect, and flattery does not win welcome, but only gives people the impression of weakness and bullying.

The more you compromise and cater to you, the less people take you seriously.

Know that you can never please everyone.

If you grovel to others, you will only be wronged by yourself.

Knowing how to refuse and saying "no" decisively is the beginning of a person's journey towards happiness.

About life: sensitivity is never a curse, but an advantage to success.

For a long time, "sensitive" was often seen as a negative word, and "sensitive person" was often seen as "outlier" by us.

Such a social environment and evaluation make sensitive people more vulnerable, inferior and anxious.

Does being naturally sensitive necessarily be a disadvantage?

The book mentions the theory of "orchids and dandelions".

Educator Thomas Beuys and his team, who conducted a long-term follow-up study of children's growth, found that:

80% of children are relatively insensitive, like dandelions in the wild, which survive well in most environments.

The remaining 20% are like delicate orchids, extremely sensitive to the environment and emotionally fragile in the face of adversity.

However, children with the "orchid" trait are often gifted with extraordinary talents, and with the right support, they will outperform the "dandelions".

In the American drama "Little Sheldon", Sheldon has an IQ of 187 and went to high school at the age of 9, but he often has some unusual behaviors.

He has a heavy cleanliness habit and wears gloves even when holding hands with his family;

When he saw a black dot, he felt that it was about to cause a catastrophe of devastating proportions, because his imagination of astrophysics was particularly rich;

He sat in the front row when he audited university classes, actively raised his hand to answer questions, and did not give face to other college students in the slightest, because he was very confident in his knowledge.

While others pointed fingers at him, his mother firmly told him, "You can explore your truth as much as you want." ”

Under the protection of his mother, Sheldon proved Newton's first law with a small train when he was 9 years old;

At the age of 13, he was able to make his own spacesuit; At the age of 15, he obtained several doctorates and later became a theoretical physicist.

As the writer Pearl Race said:

In any field, true creative thinking is initiated by a person who is gifted with extraordinary sensitivity.

If you have an unusual sensitivity, then congratulations, it is a talent that most people don't have.

You can see the world that others can't see, you can feel the beauty of being overlooked, and you can connect seemingly unrelated things with deep thinking and rich emotions.

These are all creative.

Make good use of your talent for high sensitivity, which will allow you to shine in your own field.

Of course, sensitive people often fall into loneliness and self-doubt because they are different.

The book says: ".Finding a true sense of belonging in this world starts with embracing your whole self.

For highly sensitive people, they can never eliminate their natural sensitive traits, they cannot eliminate the evaluations and opinions of others, but they can change the way they get along with sensitivity.

After reading this book, we not only understand the many advantages of sensitivity, but also learn to find a kind of self-consistency in prejudice and criticism.

Talents and flaws never appear alone, they often go hand in hand.

If you keep resisting and rejecting your own differences, you will only increase your troubles and scars.

Believe in the strength of sensitivity, and when you face it, accept it, and use it well, it will make you different in life.