Mencius once said: "The most important thing to understand between people is to understand each other, and the most important thing to understand between people is to understand each other's hearts." ”
Getting along with others is a deep science. 。
In the process of interacting with others, we often encounter all kinds of problems and confusions.
How can we build relationships that make people feel comfortable?
In fact, the answer lies in "don't ask, don't cross the line, don't force".
1.Don't ask questions.
Socrates once said, "Don't ask for other people's secrets, unless you want to lose friends. ”
Everyone has their own privacy and personal information. I don't want to interfere with the space too much.
If others are not willing to share something, we should respect their choice and not ask for too much.
Failure to do so will not only cause discomfort to the other person, but will also affect mutual trust.
Lincoln, a former American **, was asked by a friend about military secrets. Lincoln just smiled and said, "You're my friend, but just because you're my friend, I can't reveal this secret. ”
After hearing this, his friend stopped asking.
In this way, Lincoln not only stood true to his principles, but also maintained his friendship.
2.Don't cross the line.
In the process of getting along with others, we need to be clear about each other's boundaries and not cross them easily.
Gibran once said, "When we are together, we must give each other space. Oak and cedar trees cannot grow in each other's shade. ”
Everyone has their own end goals and principles. If we do not understand and respect these boundaries, it is easy for conflicts and contradictions to arise.
As far as the family is concerned, there should also be some boundaries between parents and children.
Children need to have their own private space, and parents should not interfere too much.
Song Chen, who played Tao Hong in the TV series "Little Huanxi", controlled his daughter Yinji's study and life too much, causing too much pressure on the child, and even having a rebellious mentality.
Then the mother realized the problem and began to give the child more autonomy, and the mother-child relationship eased.
The book Man and Eternity says:
Every interaction has an insurmountable boundary, and all troubles and conflicts stem from an unconscious desire to break through that boundary.
Each person is unique and has their own boundaries.
When interacting with people, there needs to be a proper sense of balance so that the relationship will be harmonious.
3.Don't force.
Whether it's friendship or love, it shouldn't be forced.
We can't force others to do what they don't want to do because of our own needs.
A true relationship should be based on mutual consent, mutual respect and mutual support.
Xiaomi and Aning are good friends. We met in college and joined the same company after graduation.
Xiaomi has a quiet personality and likes to read and write, while A-Ning is lively and cheerful, and likes sports and travel.
After work, the two often go shopping, eat, watch movies together, and share each other's joys, sorrows, and sorrows. They have a lot in common, respect each other's differences, and their friendship grows stronger.
However, as time went on, Anin was promoted to manager due to his excellent job performance, and the work became hectic and stressful. Xiaomi is still doing its job, and it's relatively easy.
The contact between A-Ning and Xiaomi is gradually becoming less and less, and the number of times the two meet is also becoming less and less. Xiaomi sent a message to Aning, but Aning always took a long time to reply, and often didn't answer her **. Xiaomi begins to suspect that Aning still cares about their friendship.
Until one day, Xiaomi met Aning and her colleagues on the street. Mr. An Ning looked tired, but he still talked and laughed with his colleagues.
Xiaomi suddenly discovers that Aning's life has changed dramatically, and she needs time and space to adjust to her new work and life.
As a result, Xiaomi no longer took the initiative to contact A-Ning and spent more time and energy on its own interests.
She began to attend various literary salons and made many like-minded friends.
The best friendships are natural when together and harmonious when separated.
In a person's life, everyone has their own pursuits and choices, and everyone wants to pursue the life they want.
If you have a deep relationship, let's support each other and move forward together.
If fate is shallow, let us smile, congratulate each other, and let each other become passers-by in life.
The most comfortable relationship between people is one that doesn't ask questions, crosses boundaries, or forces others.
Such a relationship does not put pressure on each other and makes you feel at ease.
I want everyone to respect the people around them and build relationships that are truly comfortable.