"I don't want to lose my temper, but I really can't control it. ”Have you ever been in a similar situation in your life?
Ningman often encounters a similar situation, after getting married, he often can't control the quarrel with his teammates over trivial things, and thinks that what the other party is doing is incredible.
One of the things that teammates often say is, "What are you anxious about, if you have any problems, talk about it slowly!" After losing his temper, the other party can indeed make certain changes, parenthetical notes,At the cost of consuming feelings, even if the other party does something wrong!
When I quiet down afterwards, I will reflect and feel that there is no need to be angry.
So why do we lose our temper so much that we can't control it at every turn?
There is such an expression in the family of origin
When we grow up, it is often our parents and siblings who have the greatest influence on us.
In our interactions with them, we learn how they deal with their emotions and absorb what we learn into our own inner world.
If a child is growing up, what he sees is every time there is a problem between the parentsParents deal with quarrels and tantrums.
In his world, he slowly developed an interpretation of dealing with contradictions, which is to solve them by quarrels and tantrums.
Didn't know if there was any other solution:
Our misconception: tantrums do work!
Because the result of a tantrum is that many times it can indeed release the emotions at that time, so that the other party can feel your emotions and attitudes, so as to make concessions or changes, when we lose our temper, others will become quiet in front of us, which will make you feel a sense of security, which is a way to deal with it that we have known since we knew or have been engraved in our bonesIn fact, this is the most hurtful and powerless way to deal with it.
Because in home education and schooling, there is little emphasis on the child's ability to solve everyday problems.
After entering the society, we will gradually come into contact with many ways to deal with problems in the midst of constant frustration, such as habitually calming down for 10 seconds before losing our temper before engaging in simple and effective communication.
A manifestation of the lack of love in the heart:
People who lose their temper often care about what is happening or people in the moment, and they will get angry when they find out that it is not within their control or is not in line with your expectationsBecause of the great fear of weakness in the heart, the fear of losing.
They need to use tantrums to hide their inner fear of doing something wrong or lacking ability, for this kind of people, they need to continue to enhance their self-confidence, and the sense of security is still ** in themselves.
Speaking of which, how do we control our emotions? Ningman looked through a lot of related books and summarized the followingThree-step solution:
10 seconds to calm down and steady the moment: When you are particularly angry and want to be angry, you can count 10 numbers in your heart, calm yourself down, and tell yourself that being angry hurts your body the most and affects your lifespan, and it is purely not worth it in the world!
Communicate and find outlets: Tell your relatives, friends, and family about your thoughts or thoughts, seek their understanding, and vent your negative emotions in time;
Psychology ** to find the root cause: You can use cognitive behavior**, humanism**, mindfulness**, etc., so that you can learn to be at peace with the situation, go with the flow, and finally be able to effectively control the problem of anger.
February**Dynamic Incentive Plan Well, that's all for Ningman's sharing today, if you think this little article is helpful to you, welcome to like and encourage