On the road to parenting, parents often face various challenges and confusions. One of the common problems is that despite the fact that we constantly give our children rewards to encourage good behavior, it seems that children are becoming more and more disobedient. Why is that? This article will delve into the reasons behind this phenomenon and provide scientific and effective parenting strategies to help parents get out of the misunderstanding of rewards and establish a harmonious parent-child relationship.
1. The Trap of Rewards: Why Are Children's "Good Behaviors" Short-lived?
In parenting, reward mechanisms are widely recognized as an effective means of motivating children to form good habits. However, reality often contradicts expectations. Parents have found that frequent rewards do not make children more self-disciplined, but can instead cause a series of problems.
Immediacy of rewards: Children quickly learn to behave for the sake of rewards, not because they genuinely agree with the behavior in their hearts. Once the reward is gone, so does their motivation. Frequency of rewards: If rewards are too frequent, children may see them as everyday rather than as recognition of a particular achievement. In this way, the reward loses its value. Ways to reward: Material rewards may be effective in the short term, but in the long run, they fail to teach children the importance of self-motivation and self-control. 
2. The Science Behind Psychology: How Does Reward Affect Children's Behavior?
Psychologists have found through years of research that reward systems have complex effects on children's behavior. Here are some key psychological principles:
Intrinsic Motivation vs. Extrinsic Motivation: A child's intrinsic motivation refers to activities that are carried out out of interest and satisfaction. Extrinsic motivation is behavior that is driven by external rewards or punishments. Research has shown that over-reliance on extrinsic rewards may weaken a child's intrinsic motivation. Self-determination theory: This theory emphasizes the importance of autonomy, a sense of competence, and a sense of belonging. Children are more likely to exhibit positive behaviour when they feel that their behaviour is motivated by their own choices rather than external pressure. Behavioral Economics: Behavioral economics reveals how people's responses to rewards are influenced by psychological and social factors. For example, people tend to react more strongly to immediate rewards and have a lower valuation of the value of delayed rewards. 
3. The Art of Parent-Child Communication: How to Use Rewards Correctly?
Now that you understand the impact of rewards on your child's behavior, how should parents adjust their reward strategies? Here are some practical suggestions:
Emphasize intrinsic value: Talk to your child about why you want to do a certain behavior, emphasizing its intrinsic value and meaning, not just for the sake of receiving a reward. Set reasonable expectations: Make sure your expectations of your child are reasonable and that your child has the ability to meet those goals. Non-material rewards: Try using non-material rewards, such as extra parent-child time, praise, and affirmation, which can boost your child's self-esteem and self-confidence. Consistency and fairness: Ensure that rewards are distributed consistently and fairly for all children. Educate rather than manipulate: Use rewards to educate children about responsibility, effort, and fulfillment, rather than as a means of manipulating their behavior. Rewards are just one of many tools in the journey of parenting. The key is how to use these tools and how to help children develop into responsible, self-controlled, and intrinsically motivated individuals through effective communication and support. Remember, every child is unique, and finding the parenting style that works for them is the most important thing. Let's jump out of the trap of rewards and use love and wisdom to raise a more independent and self-disciplined next generation.