My relationship with my son has always been very bad, even to the point of incompatibility, and even sometimes, if the child had to live under the same roof as me, he might have run away a long time ago.
In fact, adults can't understand the fragile psychology of children, maybe one of your casual disgusted looks will make the child sad for a long time, and if you always attack them with words they don't want to hear, I am afraid that they will be tortured like hell.
I didn't understand it until yesterday when I encountered something that made me very painful, and I realized how much damage it did to my child if I couldn't talk to him properly.
Yesterday he didn't do it at school because he saw too much homework, especially the Chinese language, so he didn't do it at school care time, and on the way home, I gave up preaching, and helped him find out why he didn't want to do it, and at the same time agreed to go back in the evening to do it, and the communication was smooth.
After dinner in the evening, my son still procrastinated, I didn't urge impatiently, just used our agreement not to break our promise as an excuse, let him do his homework, I didn't expect him to have the previous attitude of resistance, but quickly entered his learning state, and I was not stingy with my praise and praise, although the process was a bit tortuous, but it was not as tense as before, and it did not collide with me.
At first, I thought he was in a mood again, but I found that he was really afraid of the language, and he broke down many times, and no amount of praise could make him regain his confidence. I had no choice but to let him do English first, and the result was very smooth.
But when I turned back to face the language again, the fear of difficulty broke out again, and there was nothing I could do, no matter how I discussed, and in the end I had to let him finish it within this week.
This is the first time I will take my son to do my homework in 2024, and I found that there are many problems, but what makes me feel the most profound is the importance of talking to the child well, it is very important to be patient, and it is also very important to stand in the child's position, the most important thing is to praise more, really praise the child's advantages, don't say the frustrated words and negative words, encourage the first, adhere to certain principles, don't let the child fall into the spiritual connotation, put "I'm here to help you defeat difficulties" on the lips, but don't become a PUA precursor.
I reflected on my past, facing the child is indeed too selfish, as long as you stand in the child's point of view, you really want to punish him, he will first see if he is really wrong, if he is wrong, they may not be cheating, but adults often die and do not admit their mistakes, such as me in the past.