I raised 4 daughters, who were called desperate by the villagers, but in my later years, I walked sideways in the village.
I am a 79-year-old grandmother, and my wife and I are the happiest couple in our village.
My education level is limited to primary school, but this culture has made me love reading, especially the various magazines and ** that my daughter bought me. Now that I am approaching the age of 80, I am immersed in a sea of words whenever I have time. I recently read a short article, **The Benefits of Having a Boy and a Girl, which reminded me of my own life, I gave birth to 4 daughters, maybe this can provide some answers to that question.
After graduating from elementary school, I went to my sister's house in the city to help her take care of the children. After a year of living with my children, I learned that the factory in Qingdao was hiring, so I signed up. I worked in Qingdao for more than three years, however, due to special national policies, all of our workers were repatriated to their hometowns. So, I went back to my hometown of farming.
It wasn't until I was 25 years old that someone introduced me to Lao Zhuang, a young man who had never been married because of his poor family. He was two years younger than me and immediately attracted me. Lao Zhuang is simple on the surface, but in fact it reveals shrewdness and down-to-earth. Living with such a person, even if the early stage is difficult, I believe that the future will definitely improve.
The old dealer wasn't as poor as I thought it would be. The reason why Lao Zhuang is in trouble is entirely because he is the second son in the family, and the family has two older sisters, an older brother, and a younger brother. His mother died young, and his father built a new home in a foreign country, and he no longer cared about the affairs of this family. Lao Zhuang is the second of siblings and is easy to ignore.
Lao Zhuang has two older sisters and an older brother on top, and a younger brother below. His mother died young, and his father went to settle down in a foreign country, no longer caring about everything in the family. Even Lao Zhuang's father can't ignore Lao Zhuang's brothers and sisters, they were raised by their mother and grandfather. Lao Zhuang's grandfather was a well-known local doctor, so the family income was quite acceptable. Although the three brothers and sisters are all grandsons, the grandfather is biased, because Lao Zhuang's eldest brother is the eldest grandson and was raised by the grandfather. Therefore, in the eyes of the old grandfather, the other grandchildren simply cannot be compared with the eldest grandson. This makes it possible at home, where only the eldest grandson is able to enjoy some benefits.
Lao Zhuang's younger brother, as the youngest member of his hometown, is naturally loved by his brothers and sisters, only Lao Zhuang's father and mother do not treat him well, so that he has been silently in the middle, becoming the least noticeable one in the family. Therefore, even for such a major event as marriage, he failed to get a decent new dress.
The day after the wedding, I was so angry that I decided to borrow money from my grandfather to buy some new clothes for Lao Zhuang. However, the grandfather flatly refused, saying that Lao Zhuang already had clothes. I refused to give up lightly, so I had to point to the tattered coat on Lao Zhuang's body, and then to the clothes of the eldest brother and the younger brother-in-law, and asked my grandfather: "This is what you call clothes?" On the day of the groom's wedding, he dressed like a flower child, is this what you think of decency? Don't you feel unfair to him? ”
At my strong request, Grandpa finally came up with a sum of money. I was enthusiastic about dressing up Lao Zhuang with a brand new padded jacket, padded pants, jacket and trousers. I secretly swore in my heart that from now on, I will pamper Lao Zhuang, who no one loves.
At that time, we had not yet separated our families, and we were living together as a family. However, the concubines do not get along with each other, and often quarrel over trivial matters. What's even more unsatisfactory is that although they are superficially equal, the eldest brother's family enjoys some special treatment. So, after more than a year of marriage, I decided to make a fuss about splitting up my family.
Lao Zhuang did not object, because he knew that only after the separation would our lives be better. However, except for Lao Zhuang, almost no one supported me. Grandpa, eldest brother and others all thought that splitting up was a shameful thing, so the first attempt to split up ended in failure. Still, I was not reconciled, and after half a year, I made a fuss again, and this time I finally succeeded.
It turns out that after the separation, the lives of all three of us are much better than before.
Under the guidance of our elders, our family distribution is relatively equitable. I thought to myself, even if I don't get much, as long as I can separate my family, I will have a head. As a result, Lao Zhuang's distribution was relatively good, and he got something decent and decent.
At that time, there was a relative shortage of food, and the annual work in the team was very limited, and the three families were short of food and clothing. However, the life of the eldest brother's family was much better than that of our two families, because my grandfather funded them all. As a result, the little uncle was very dissatisfied with his grandfather, and Lao Zhuang and I were indifferent to this, after all, this is the old man's money, and how he spends it doesn't matter to us.
Since my hukou has not yet moved to the village, I often stay at my mother's house, and Lao Zhuang will ride to my mother's house after work to find me. As a result, we rarely live in our own homes, which saves a lot of food.
Due to physical reasons, I have not been pregnant, and there are many discussions about me in the village, and what makes me most angry is that my sister-in-law is talking behind my back, accusing me of not being able to have children. This sparked some arguments between us as a couple, but overall it was just a verbal argument. She didn't dare to do anything to me because she knew that if she hit me, Lao Zhuang would beat her.
After six years of marriage, I welcomed my first daughter. One of the benefits of delaying childbearing is that we have a solid financial foundation. Because we have never had children, our living expenses are relatively low, we have enough food, and we can still leave some savings. Therefore, when our daughter was born, our family did not face financial difficulties.
Three years later, I welcomed my second daughter, and after five years, I gave birth to the third and fourth children, a twin daughter. Every month is Lao Zhuang's hard work, he is not only busy with work during the day, but also responsible for cooking and laundry for us, but he never shows a trace of impatience. Some people don't like their daughters, but Lao Zhuang is full of joy and joy for his daughters.
In our hometown, the patriarchal mentality still exists, and some families even choose to adopt because they do not have a son. Although I had four daughters in a row, I did not have a son, and I was advised to adopt one, but I firmly refused. My daughter is also dear to me, so why should I adopt my son? Lao Zhuang also agrees with me, he thinks that whether it is a son or a daughter, it is his child, and there is no need to give birth to a son all the time.
However, the family planning system has caused the third and fourth children to be fined. Originally, our family had a good life, but once we paid the fine for our two children, we fell into complete poverty.
Life plummeted, and with the fact that he didn't have a son, there were more people who spoke cool things. The uncle and the brother-in-law have sons, and they always look proud in front of me, revealing that we are desperate, the future is doomed to be miserable, and we have to rely on our sons to support our old age.
In the face of these remarks, I chose not to argue and let them go on and on. We don't lose a piece of meat because of someone else's battle of words. I secretly vowed in my heart that I must raise an excellent daughter. I firmly believe that the filial piety of children has nothing to do with gender, as long as children are filial, girls can also provide for their old age. The battle of words is now a trivial matter, and when we are old and decrepit, the results will naturally be known.
In order to repay the arrears, Lao Zhuang started various transactions. He ran a hotel, fabric and shoe business. Later, we decided to raise pigs in the village, and although it was a dirty and tiring job, the income was easier and more stable than growing crops.
In order to earn more money, we raised more than a dozen pigs. Every morning, we have to get up early, brave the cold to cut the pigs, feed the pigs, and clean the pigsty. Winter is even more difficult, four or five o'clock in the morning is the coldest time, we have to steam food for the pigs in the bitter cold, feed them, and take care of the pigsty. When encountering sow production, it is even more sleepless all night, we need to help the sow farrowing, and at the same time pay attention to whether the piglets can go smoothly**. When the price of pigs is bad, we are worried, but when the price of pigs is **, we rejoice because the tuition fees of our daughters are guaranteed.
Through the hard work of pig farming, we gradually repaid the tuition fees of our two daughters.
Although the days of marrying Lao Zhuang are hard, his dedication to us is worth it. Although our lives were in trouble at one time, all these hardships were all in order to be able to better provide for our daughters.
When I was 57 years old, Lao Zhuang accidentally fell and injured his waist, and he could no longer do heavy work and could not continue to raise pigs. Relatives found a janitor for the two of us. At the same time, the third and fourth children are in high school, and the eldest and second children, although they have already started working, cannot fully assume the responsibilities of the family. Therefore, Lao Zhuang and I packed our bags and came to the city to start a new life.
We were advised that our four daughters should not be educated too much, and that when they were older, they could marry and let us live comfortably. But I don't agree with that. I am well aware of the importance of culture, because of the lack of culture, I can only work in the family farm, and those who have culture do mental work, although it is not easy, but at least they do not have to endure our hard work. Therefore, I insist that my daughters receive an education, and I will always support them as long as they are able.
When we came to the city, the factory provided us with a place to live, the janitor's hut, the electricity was free of charge, and I was allowed to grow vegetables in the factory yard. Lao Zhuang was in charge of guarding the gates, while I used my free time to sell vegetables at the market. In addition, I will pick up waste paper, empty drink bottles, etc. on the street, and even help peel garlic, onions, and fish in restaurants, as long as I can earn money, I am willing to do any job.
Later, I got acquainted with a man who worked as a cleaner and learned that his salary was even higher than that of Lao Zhuang. Considering that I was in good physical condition, I reached out to their leaders and wanted to join their team. Luckily, the cleaning team was short of people, and I managed to join them. Although this job is hard, working 12 hours a day, all year round, not even on the first day of the Lunar New Year, I feel much more relaxed than working on the farm in my hometown.
I'm not afraid of hard work, because it's much easier than growing crops and raising pigs. I went to work in high spirits and hardly asked for leave, because the attendance award was 100 yuan. When I work, I collect some waste products, such as beverage bottles, waste cardboard, etc., sort them and sell them, which adds some extra income. With the money we earned from our part-time jobs, we two elderly people in our 60s successfully supported the third and fourth children to complete their university studies.
Since we have children late, and the children are still underage, we are already old. I gave birth to my eldest daughter at the age of 31, while the third and fourth were born when I was 39. So, by the time the third and fourth years graduated from college, I was already in my sixties and had completely become an old lady.
Luckily, although our lives have not been easy, all four children have behaved exceptionally sensible. The eldest daughter took the initiative to help me take care of my younger sister when she grew up, and the same was true for the second daughter. My four children took the initiative to share the household chores after they became sensible, and my eldest daughter started to help me cook when she was 8 years old. It can be said that since the children are sensible, the housework at home has basically nothing to do with me, and no matter when I come home, the children will cook and wait for me. When they grew up, they took the initiative to help me feed the pigs and collect forage, and never compared food and clothing with others. Our children rarely wear new clothes, and they only buy new clothes every year during the Chinese New Year, and they usually wear old clothes given by relatives.
In the 90s, every family there built a new house, and we were the only ones who lived in the old house. Lao Zhuang said that we are not in a hurry to build a new house, but to spend the money on the blade. When our daughters are all in the making, it's not too late for us to consider renovation.
Those years were really hard, and many people were jealous of my daughters' good studies and said cool things in private. Most people think that no matter how much they learn, it is useless, and sooner or later they will have to get married. I didn't bother to pay attention to it, knowing that they were jealous, and seeing that my girls were getting ahead, my heart was unbalanced.
What I am most proud of in my life is that I have raised four sensible daughters, and none of them have lived up to my expectations. On the day the third and fourth children graduated, Lao Zhuang and I finally breathed a sigh of relief, and the tasks of the two of us were finally completed with the help of the eldest and second children!
After the eldest daughter was admitted to university, she added a lot of glory to our family. She entered an excellent political science and law school, although she only had a college degree, but at the time of the country's employment, she was sent to the local people's court after graduation and became a judge. In the 2005 bar examination, she passed the bar examination in one fell swoop and became a qualified judicial officer. At present, she has been promoted to the president of the First Civil Division of the County People's Court, and villagers in the countryside have come to her for advice on legal issues. Because of the success of our eldest daughter, the prestige of our old couple in the village has become more and more prominent, and every Chinese New Year, the leading cadres have personally come to our door to greet us.
The second daughter, who chose a similar major to her sister, studied for graduate school in Beijing, and then found a job in Beijing, where she and her boyfriend became a couple of civil servants and lawyers. I heard that her fee as a lawyer is calculated by the hour, and her financial situation is naturally good.
The third child is committed to environmental protection, and was recommended by the school teacher to find a job at the local environmental protection bureau. Her lover is a high school teacher, and their family conditions are quite superior, so we don't need to worry too much.
The fourth child was successfully admitted to the medical university and was assigned to work in the local traditional Chinese medicine hospital. Half a year later, she felt that her level was limited and took the postgraduate degree again. Even though the cost of living wasn't something we were worried about, we still sponsored her. Today, the fourth child is one of the best doctors in the hospital, and the villagers have come to her for medical consultation.
With the employment of our daughters, Lao Zhuang and I were finally freed. The daughters are all promising, and the people who used to talk about it are silent, replaced by waves of people who come to the door for help. We can almost stand out in the village, but out of the principle of helping others, our daughters have done a lot of practical things for the villagers.
A few years ago, our four daughters pooled together money to renovate our house for us and bought us a house in town. Although our daughters suggested that we go to Beijing for the elderly, we firmly refused. We told our daughters that they could come back to visit us at any time when we were able to take care of ourselves. Even when the day comes when we need to take care of us, the four of them will definitely arrange us properly.
After the age of 75, we began to have some inconveniences in our lives, and our daughters took turns to support us. But we still maintain our way of life, staying home when the weather is warm, and going to our daughters to escape the cold when it's cold. Every year, our daughters take us out on a trip to enjoy the beautiful scenery of our motherland. Over the years, we have traveled to most of China and felt the prosperity of the city and the magnificence of the mountains and rivers.
My daughters have also taken us to foreign countries, including South Korea, Japan, Thailand, Singapore, Malaysia and other countries. We've adapted to flying and we spend July and August every year when we're out and about. We don't have to worry about food and clothing anymore, and our daughters are ready for us early. We saved the money our daughters had given us, and when we had reached a certain amount, we returned it to them in a similar way to New Year's money.
We realize that as we age, there are some things that need to be considered in advance. As a precaution, we write down our bank card PIN on a piece of paper and put it together with the card. That way, even if we close our eyes that day, our daughters won't bother to find the password.
When Lao Zhuang and I were relatively happy, the lives of the eldest brother and the younger uncle seemed to be a little worse.
At the beginning, my sister-in-law often made fun of me for not being able to have a son, but she gave birth to a string of troublesome children. However, since my daughters started working, my sister-in-law's attitude towards me has changed, although it has only eased many years ago.
The sister-in-law gave birth to a son for the first time, and the family doted on him very much. However, when the child grew up, he embarked on the point of no return, was imprisoned for fraud, and has been alone since he was released from prison, and is now in his 50s and is still a bachelor. Although my two daughters did not study, they have been working as a farmer for the sake of their family, and they have never had enough money.
A few years ago, my eldest daughter saw that her eldest brother had been working part-time and helped him find a stable job as a worker in our local dried fruit factory with a relatively stable salary. Since then, my sister-in-law has been grateful to our family.
Later, my niece and son-in-law had a car accident, and it was my eldest daughter who reached out to solve the problem. Every time my sister-in-law saw us, she said that the ancestors of our family must have poured all their blessings into us, otherwise why would all the college students gather in our house? And there is not a single college student in their family, and only one from the old three families.
The work of the three children of my brother-in-law's family is also arranged by my two daughters. Although the eldest of their family was three years older than my eldest daughter, he decided to become a doorman after my eldest daughter's unit recruited a janitor and consulted him. The remaining two nieces also found jobs with the help of my eldest and youngest daughters, and my eldest daughter also solved the marital problems of the two nieces.
The two families who used to look down on us now have my daughters help solve a lot of problems. The three brothers were not close when they were young, but they became even closer in old age.
The daughters usually go to their uncle's house when they come home, and their aunt and aunt also invite them to dinner. Because the daughters have helped a lot of people, we often have strangers who are eager to help when we go out, and when we ask, we know that it is because the daughters have helped their relatives.
When our children were young, we relied on them, and now that we are old, our children have become our support. My daughters are smart and filial and helpful. Today, no one in our village dares to underestimate us anymore. Although I don't have a son, it doesn't affect our faces. As long as your daughters are excellent, others will not dare to despise you.
Therefore, having a boy or a girl is not the most important thing, the key is how to cultivate children and whether they can be trained to be productive people. As long as they live better than them and their children achieve something, this is the most precious face.