Many people don't admit that they have a hatred for their parents.
I understand that because I used to be like that. I always tell myself, Mom and Dad are so hard, how can I blame them? This is how our moral culture requires, "filial piety comes first", and this is how we were taught from an early age. It was only later that I really admitted that hatred for my parents was real, and that the vast majority of people did. But morality is not allowed, what to do? There must be an outlet for this hatred, and to sum up, I think everyone's hatred for their parents will be expressed in the following two ways.
1.Projection. This is the most common, and we usually project our hatred for our parents onto our couples or children. For example, the wife is often dissatisfied with her husband, but she is actually dissatisfied with her father. The principle of marriage is to find parents. Women usually want to look like a good dad or not like a bad dad, but the subconscious choice is usually a copy of the parents.
In the end, that person became more and more like Dad, and we often attacked our husband, which was attacking Dad. There are also wives who are particularly afraid of their husbands, which is also a kind of projection, she is afraid of her father's authoritative image. In the same way, the husband will also project his hatred for his mother onto his wife.
For example, if the wife doesn't like to do housework, and the husband dislikes it, it is likely that he dislikes the mother who pulled across. Women also project their hatred for their parents onto their parents-in-law. I don't dare to express it to my parents who are related to me, but I can express it to my in-laws who are not related by blood.
There are even some daughters-in-law who are good to their parents-in-law because they want to give themselves a better reason to attack their in-laws (I am so good to you, what are you still picky). I've had this projection as well.
2.Transfer. Many husbands blame their wives for not respecting their parents. (I have it all around me).
The truth is that the husband himself hates his parents. It's scary to admit it, how can I do this to my parents? So he gave all the responsibility to his wife. It's the same with women, and I used to blame my husband for not connecting with my parents. Later, I let go of this obsession, and it had nothing to do with him.
Hatred for parents is a truth, and this is also part of the darkness of human nature, this part does not need to be resisted, just admit this fact generously. Our hatred of our parents comes from the trauma that our parents inflict on us (the action of force is always mutual).
Only by acknowledging this fact can we make our humanity complete, can we reduce projection, reduce transfer, and we will not always be bound by morality, but live more truly. 