Chapter 124: Personal Originality.
Thanksgiving, welcome**.
When I was a student, I loved reading and always felt that the world in books was much more exciting and interesting than the real world. One of the evil consequences of this is that he loves to show off, loves to talk loudly, loves to talk on paper, but when it comes to topics that interest him, he will talk endlessly. At that time, I just felt a sense of accomplishment, and I didn't realize how annoying it was.
As a result, my close classmates gave me an evaluation of "theoretical everyone". I immediately expressed my unequivocal disgust, because it was obviously a sign that I was poor in practice and would only talk about it. I couldn't accept such a "bad review" and regarded it as an insult to myself.
Later, when I worked, I made a lot of mistakes that only belonged to newcomers when I first entered the workplace, so I was criticized by my boss as "having a problem with my way of thinking". Although I didn't go back to this face without being stunned, I also disagreed with it in my heart: you are really self-righteous, and how advanced is your way of thinking? With your current business scope and industry influence, I'm afraid you are not qualified to judge others here, right? Brag unblushingly.
At that time, I was young and vigorous, and the second secondary school was conceited, and I couldn't listen to the slightest "bad comments" from others, and I always felt that it was because they didn't know me about me, and it wasn't the real me at all.
Later, after all these years of beating and baptism by social personnel, when I went back to review it, I suddenly found that they seemed to be right at the beginning, and the clown at that time was indeed myself! It feels like a well-known question on the Internet: what should I do if I have a heated argument with my boyfriend and find out that I am in the middle of the argument? How do I do that?
Looking back objectively at this moment, I really haven't done a decent thing when I was a student, I can only play lip service, and the evaluation of "theoretical everyone" is not vain. When I first started working, I didn't think about the whole problem comprehensively, I did things simply and crudely, and there were indeed some problems in the way of thinking. Their "bad reviews" deserve the word "accurate". But at the time, I didn't think so, but thought that it was all a wrong evaluation of me, and it was a deliberate attempt to target me and embarrass me.
Today I know that not daring to face up to problems is precisely a manifestation of perfectionism and inner fragility. I am not as perfect as I imagined, but I am slow to accept reality. There is also a glass heart that shatters when touched, so in the face of the shortcomings pointed out by others, it is customary to be an ostrich with its head buried in the sand, as if as long as this problem does not exist.
Although I have learned a word called "I am happy when I smell it", I only know how difficult it is when I actually do it. Because it means that you are willing to admit your mistakes and shortcomings first, and then you can face them with a "if you have it, you can change it" attitude. In my opinion at the time, in the face of "bad reviews with bad intentions", it was already my restraint and politeness to not go back, and I was "happy", happy fart!
But why? The most obvious answer is that I didn't distinguish between "me" and "my opinions", "my opinions", "my aesthetic preferences" and even "my objects", but I vaguely thought that they all equaled "me".
Someone who opposes "my point of view" is opposing "me"; When someone criticizes "my speech", they are criticizing "me"; Someone refutes "my aesthetic preference", that is to refute "me"; Someone who doesn't like "my belongings" doesn't like "me" ......In short, all "extensions of me" are equal to "me", and whoever attacks them is equal to directly attacking "me".
What do animals do when they are attacked? As long as the other party is not so strong that it is impossible to fight with him, the most direct way is: do it with him! What is the substantial difference between a stunned young man who only grows a body but not wisdom and an animal that can only act on instinct?
The "first thinking fallacy" in logic is "my better", which refers to the fact that everyone is born with the idea that they are different and that everything that concerns them "should" and "actually" be better than others. Since you have broken this preconceived notion in my mind, I can only choose to defend it in any way, which is to defend myself. With a little attention, you will find that there are many people who think this way in reality.
So ......What to do? Once the disease is found, you have to prescribe a prescription for yourself.
I think I have to remind myself that the first thing I should realize is that I am an ordinary person with limited thinking, limited knowledge, and limited ability, and I must have some shortcomings or even defects that I have not noticed yet. Therefore, when someone points it out, I should instinctively think about it before I want to refute it: Is there any truth in what he said? Is my rebuttal to be on the merits or to defend myself? Defend that imaginary false self that is always perfect and always right?
Second, one should be consciously aware of the great difference between "me" and "my extension." "My Speech" ≠ "I", "My Opinion", ≠ "I", "My Thoughts≠ "I", "My Aesthetics" ≠ "I", "All the Material and Spiritual Wealth I Have", ≠ "I" ......When someone objects to these things, they are not completely denying me as a person, nor is it saying that my existence has no value or meaning.
I decided to keep these two rules in mind for the rest of my life, not to maintain the external image of "I am happy when I hear it", but to make my life easier. Instead of memorizing a "bad review" that may be unintentional from others for a decade or two as in the past - this is the standard "mediocrity disturbing themselves".
If I hear it, know yourself.
Temple Proverbs of Delphi.