I once read a short **, and a message in the comment area made me cry instantly.
Here's what she said: "I've known the concept of 'topic separation' since I was 20 years old, and now I'm almost 30 years old and still haven't learned it. And he (the eight-year-old boy in **) already knew how to separate subjects before he knew the concept."
* The film is of a mother who is worried about her son with poor grades, and the son in turn smiles and comforts his mother, "My poor grades will not be able to enter college in the future, and I can't find a job is my own problem, not your problem, you have done a great job, be happy, don't put on a bitter face."
* is a young boy who knows how to separate his own subject from the subject of others. knows that reading and studying is something that he needs to face in his life, and the consequences are all borne by himself, not his mother.
The reason why this message touched me was because I was still unable to "separate topics" in my thirties. It's easy to get caught up in the dilemma of taking on other people's life issues - caring too much about other people's evaluations. However, what others say about me is someone else's problem, and I can't influence it at all. I just need to follow my heart, do things, and choose. After all, the consequences of my choice are ultimately my own responsibility.
If you can achieve the above separation of topics, then most of the troubles in interpersonal relationships will disappear naturally.
Your relationship with your lover will improve, and your relationship with your parents will improve.
A popular term is called "boundary sense", which is similar to the main idea of "separation of topics" proposed by psychologist Adler a hundred years ago.
Divide the boundaries between yourself and others: do not try to cross the boundaries and set foot on other people's life issues; At the same time, they build a firewall of their own boundaries and prevent others from stepping foot on their own life issues.