When they hear about conflict resolution, the first thing that comes to many people's minds is communication technology, in fact, simple communication can only improve the ability to express, but cannot fundamentally solve the practical problems encountered by two people.
In life, there will be all kinds of conflicts, and although we all know that conflicts can affect mental and physical health, differences and conflicts in marriage still occur.
If we want to have a happy marriage, we need to learn the ability to resolve conflicts when facing differences, and the following methods can effectively resolve conflicts and improve the relationship between husband and wife.
Adjust your mood
Napoleon said, "A man who can control his emotions is greater than a general who can take a city."
In daily life, when couples have conflicts, the first thing to erupt is emotions, and it only takes 15 seconds for emotions to burst into depression, but it is precisely this short 15 seconds that is likely to separate two people who love each other.
When emotions erupt, don't try to communicate, in fact, when people are angry, all explanations are pale and weak, because both parties in anger can't stop saying anything.
At this time, you might as well try ** contact, an active hug, a kiss, and say softly, don't be angry, I will be distressed, can eliminate 80% of the negative emotions, so as to calm the other party.
Physical contact makes it easier to release happy hormones, and the act of physical contact can increase the level of oxytocin in our body, reduce pain, and increase the hormone that keeps us calm. The release of a large amount of this hormone made the two people who had just been nervous calm down in an instant.
Communicate positively
Dale Carnegie said, "If you want to be a good talker, first be a listener."
Some people say that conflict itself stems from disagreement, which is true, but disagreement does not directly lead to conflict, and ineffective communication after disagreement occurs is the most fundamental cause of conflict.
Effective communication is not about babbling at the other side, which not only fails to resolve the matter, but also has the potential to escalate the conflict.
Here is a common language for positive communication.
When listening to the other person, you can try to adjust the response to: wife (husband), you are right, um, understand, and is there more? If the other person has finished speaking and you want to give the other person the feedback you heard, you can say something like: "I'll add it here for your reference".
If when communicating between husband and wife, the person who speaks can express freely without being interrupted, and the person who listens can open their hearts, not criticize, and encourage more, then it is difficult for these two people to quarrel.
Explain the requirements
The French philosopher Michel de Montaigne said: No two hairs are the same in the world, no two grains are the same, and no two views are the same
Complaints between husband and wife are usually because the needs are not met, and the fundamental reason why the needs are not met is that the husband and wife do not express their own needs clearly, and second, they express themselves clearly, but the other party does not care and does not pay attention.
Many times, when there is a disagreement between the two parties, two people sit down, listen carefully and understand the needs behind what each other wants to express, which is why there is this idea, and what are the goals of the two people?
Focusing on your partner's needs is a way to alleviate conflict, and the goal of communication is not to prove that you are right, but to reach an agreement, and to reach an agreement, you need to understand the different needs of both parties accurately and clearly.
This sentence can be used,".How did I come to think about it, and why did I think soThis is the need at the cause level.
What do I want to achieve, what kind of outcome do I want?"That's what the goal needs.
The Happy Marriage Institute found that couples who articulated their needs were also more satisfied with their intimate relationships. If a couple can pay attention to and understand each other's differences in a positive way, then these acts of kindness can help both parties to get along happily.
In a relationship, once a woman is immersed in negative emotions and can't extricate herself, she will inevitably blame her misfortune on the other half, and similarly, a man can't control himself in his emotions, and he will also blame the woman, only quarrel, complain and blame, and gradually the relationship between the two people will also go to strangeness.
Learn to resolve conflicts, be able to better express your needs, recognize each other's differences, and handle your relationship with your partner more easily, and your life will naturally be more relaxed and happy.