Hello everyone, I am a mother of a second child, Sister Dimple.
Every morning before going out, my two babies would let me hug them. Especially for my son, one hug is not enough, I noticed that once he hugged five times. I said impatiently, "How old is this?" ”
Take this morning, he woke up and didn't see me, so he got up and looked for me in a daze, saw that I was brushing my teeth, and immediately hugged me from behind, and then went to the toilet.
When I had finished washing up and changed into my shoes, he came running over and hugging me again. When I took the key to open the door and was about to leave, he hurriedly slipped out of the sofa and said reluctantly while hugging me, "Mom, goodbye." ”
Although I didn't understand it at all, I didn't take it to heart. I thought he was too young (about 8 years old) and was too attached to me. It wasn't until my 12-year-old daughter recently offered to let me sleep with her at night that I noticed something was wrong with the two babies.
When I was lying in my daughter's bed, I wanted to read a book with her, but she hugged me tightly with both hands and put her head on my chest.
My daughter has been sleeping alone since she was in 2nd grade, and she never said that I would sleep with her at night. Why is it that now that I'm in the 5th grade, I'm getting more and more attached to me?
Later, I found the answer in a parenting book. 
It turned out that the child was a manifestation of "skin hunger".
Studies have shown that:"Humans and other homeotherms have an innate special emotional need to touch and rub against each other. This need is known as "skin hunger."
Psychologist Millard's research has shown that the sensation of hugging and touching energizes children and is a kind of coordination between excitement and inhibition in the brain. So, this can promote the child's brain development, improve IQ and keep his mind at peace.
Newborn children have a stronger need for this kind of contact, so to some extent, it is natural for children to like the hugs and touches of adults, and this kind of caress from parents is also the driving force for their healthy growth.
It made me feel guilty.
Because when my daughter was 8 months old, I returned to the front line of interviewing, which had to give her no milk. Mother-in-law said that the child is not taboo by your side, I will take her back to her hometown for a month, and then I will definitely forget about it.
Although I was reluctant, I had to agree.
Since then, the daughter has followed her grandparents back and forth between her hometown and Shijiazhuang.
And the direct consequence of this is that my daughter is closer to her grandparents than me. Although she later went to kindergarten in Shijiazhuang, she was not used to letting me hold her.
Even in elementary school, if I consciously took the initiative to hug her, she would not be used to pushing me away.
However, when a child is in a state of "**hunger" for a long time, it can have problems both physically and mentally.
First of all, the child will experience a decrease in appetite. Because the emotional needs are not met, it leads to a bad mood and no desire to eat.
If you can't keep up with your diet, your physical growth will be delayed.
To make matters worse, children who lack physical contact also develop intellectually slowly.
It can be seen that the most serious of these is the child's psychological problem, why some children feel lonely and timid, why some children will hold on to the tattered blanket, because he suffers from "foreign body fetish" due to "skin hunger".
In this way, I really understood what my daughter said before I asked me to sleep with her: "Mom, I feel very lonely, can you accompany me?" ”
I'm glad I learned about this parenting because adolescence is also a critical time for children to develop "skin hunger". Parents often touch and hug their children at this time, which can make children have better psychological quality than other children, and can also eliminate children's frustration.
At the same time, physical contact can also greatly reduce the friction between parents and children, helping children to successfully pass through puberty.
Some parents may say, "My child is very well-behaved, even if I don't hold her for a long time, he won't cry." So my kids need a lot less hugs. ”
In fact, this perception is wrong, the child's desire to be hugged is a normal psychological need, if he does not have a strong need for this, parents should pay attention to whether the child has psychological or physical problems.
Think about it, when you are unhappy or depressed, does a hug from your family or good friends make you feel comforted or grounded?
So, don't skimp on your hugs, that's another sign of love.