Many people do not recognize the root cause of their relationship problems until they get divorcedIn marriage, if you often don't feel love, you will blame the other person for not wanting to give or not understanding your emotional needs. If the two people do not agree on the three views, they quarrel constantly every day, and a long period of indifference and depression will follow. At this time, you will feel helpless and aggrieved, and feel that you have seen the wrong person and failed to choose a responsible partner.
When you blame the other person for everything, it's actually a light-hearted way of thinking to avoid responsibility. You don't have to take any responsibility, you just need to force the other person to change and make him agree with your emotional rules, and you can sit back and wait for the relationship to change for the better. However, if this continues, the marriage will inevitably break down quickly and irretrievably. The truth that leads to divorce is often hidden in the mode of getting along. Why does a relationship evolve from loving to killing? The reason is that the underlying psychological trauma of the two has not been seen and resolved.
For example, if you have an anxious personality, then everyone around you is avoidant. Because anxious people need a higher concentration of emotional value in order to feel loved and reciprocated. Once your partner doesn't respond, you will develop the loneliness and pain of abandonment, thus forcing the other person to give you an answer. You think you're trying to communicate and solve problems, but in your partner's eyes, you're constantly putting pressure on him to respond to your psychological needs and guess the answers you want. If he answers incorrectly, you will get anxious and angry, and he will have a lot of headaches and just want to escape the relationship.
And when you find out that he has an evasive mentality, you will be more convinced that he is an irresponsible person and want to change his personality. He doesn't want to argue with you, so he will resort to cold violence or evasion. He is not aware of the damage he has done to you, and you are not aware of the pressure you are putting on him. After getting along for a while, the relationship will get worse and worse. You think it's the other person's responsibility to see your past trauma and take care of your own inner sensitivity and anxiety. And he feels that it is only by having the space to be himself, freedom and support in marriage that he feels loved.
When you both focus on what you get and struggle with why the other person doesn't give you love, you no longer have the energy to see your partner's underlying emotional needs. Unless a person matures first, sees the truth of the relationship breakdown, realizes that his emotional lack is unsatisfied, and realizes that he does not have the ability to see the other person's needs, to make up for the ability to love, and to admit the other party's lack of emotion, so that he can be invincible in the relationship. At any time, it has the power to turn the tide.