A few days ago, I saw a report on "2023 China's Mental and Mental Health", which contains a sample of the depression rate of Chinese students, and the depression detection rate of primary school students is 10%. The prevalence of depression was higher among high school and junior high school students. Leaving aside whether this data is accurate enough, what I want to say is that if you do a survey of Chinese parents' anxiety, the results must be much higher than this.
Learning and excellence is a master, hoping that the son will become a dragon and the daughter will become a phoenix, which is the psychological resonance of China for thousands of years, and I hope that the child will have a future, there is nothing wrong. It is worth reflecting on, what is promising? Is it to be admitted? Exam for master's degree? White-collar after graduation? Or do you have a skill, ordinary, healthy and happy for a lifetime?
I guess that before I list the last one, most people should be wondering, after the exam, only by being a white-collar worker can they live a decent life.
But have you ever wondered, in any era, outstanding people are always rare, why not allow the child to be an ordinary and happy person?
When I was doing this, I also asked myself? Do you sometimes tell your children that you are safe and happy for a long time, and then turn your face and say, how can you support yourself if you are not admitted to a good university?
There are two living examples around me. One is my high school classmate, who had bad grades and went to secondary school to study auto repair, and is now a top auto after-sales service provider in the province; One is the child of my colleague, who also can't read well, went to a vocational college to study dentistry, and is now a well-known dentist. These two so-called people around them with bad grades have taught us a lesson with reality, that is, if you don't do well in the exam, it will not affect your future life.
Educator Li Zhenxi said that every child is a genius in a certain field, and the key is whether teachers and parents, as educators, can discover their children's strengths. Let children become "the best version of themselves", not "the best children of other people's families". If you have excellent grades and have the opportunity, then you will serve the motherland and become a pillar; If the grades are not good, then Cheng Huan is on his knees, isn't it?
When I was studying, my grades were not very good, and I hated the cynicism from parents and teachers that "mud can't support the wall". When we grew up, how did we become the people we hated? Passing it on from generation to generation, will it still turn our next generation into who we were back then?
A few years ago, parents called for double reduction; In the past two years, it has really decreased, and parents have stopped doing it, secretly signing up for all kinds of tutoring classes for their children, some of them are self-a**, and they also go around to act as messengers of justice and report tutoring classes, so why bother?
On the one hand, we scoff at the label of "school bully and scumbag", and on the other hand, we unconsciously label our children with such labels. I think the first thing that the whole society, including parents, should change is not to label their children. Why do "other people's children" become role models for their own children just because of their good grades? We keep saying that our children are unique, but we are always benchmarking against the neighbor's good learning Xiao Ming Xiaoqiang, if we only compare the grades, how can we be unique? If they all study equally well and score the same exams, what is the difference between children and the assembly products on the factory production line? We are cultivating people, not products.
It is indeed time for China's primary and secondary education to change, the road is very long, but we can't wait any longer, what kind of parents does China need?
First, accept your own ordinariness and accept that your child is "not outstanding".
Second, don't create anxiety and don't double standard children
Third, "Life is not a KPI" and "Happiness has no ranking".
Life is a long, long road
It is not a piece of academic qualifications that determines fate
It's character and vision
Elephant News reporters: Xia Jifeng, Xiang Guang, Xiaowei, Ding Yang, Liu Peng, Wu Xiao, Qiu Yanbo, Zheng Beizhou, Ge Song.