Due to the current environment, many people are people-pleasers.
There is no need to feel inferior about this, it is just a difference in cultural environment.
The beginning of the pleasing personality started from Shang Junshu and reached its peak during the Dong Zhongshu period.
Whether it is Legalism or Confucianism, it is essentially just a shell.
Confucianism is seen by many people as dross, no, it is to cover up the bad things in it, and Confucianism must be taken.
First, it reflects political correctness, and second, it can be used as a shield.
This is also the essence of Dong Zhongshu's deposition of Confucianism.
And to say that the West is not a people-pleasing personality?
What kind of personality depends on the will of the ruling class.
When they are mainly engaged in foreign plunder, and their economy is dominated by arms, they do not need a pleasing personality, but need freedom and human rights.
Confucianism is to restrict individual rights, advocate the idea of obedience between monarchs and ministers, clear classes, and three outlines and five constants, while the Western Angsa and Jews are both rebellious ideas, which seem to conflict with each other on the surface, but the essence is the same, in order to promote their own interests.
So the people-pleasing personality can now understand one thing, the most important thing is that it is your duty to act in the interests of the ruling class.
How is it in the interest?
Either create economic gains, or create emotional value.
One of the most prominent points of the self-pleasing personality is that it is pleasing and wants to make the other person happy.
In essence, in fact, I still hope that the other party will always maintain a good impression of myself, and in the end it is still a self-interested behavior.
The essence of altruism is also self-interest, in order to satisfy one's sense of social responsibility (conscience) and realize one's life value (the feeling of being needed).
But being needed by others is also divided into respectful and disrespectful, and unprincipled flattery will only make the other party disrespectfully happy and extremely vulnerable, because even if you continue to please the other person, as long as the pleasing effort is not enough at any time, the other party will not be happy.
In other words, the other party's fundamental purpose is to squeeze your value, and his unhappiness is actually done for you to see, to send a signal that you should continue to dedicate your value.
Therefore, instead of giving, it is better to give alms.
What is the point of almsgiving?
The same is to give the other person [value], but [giving] is that you have to please the other person, and [charity] is that the other party wants to please you, he knows that your [value] is very important to him, so he has to whisper in the hope that you can help him.
But there is no unprovoked giving.
In the same way, the people-pleasing personality itself needs to obtain [value] from the other person.
The acquisition is divided into [Emotional Value] and [Economic Value].
Emotional value gives you a sense of accomplishment, while economic value allows you to make a living.
That is to say, you could have been less humble, but since your own value is not enough to consistently obtain these two values, you must please and hope that you will not be [replaced] by others.
In terms of friends, many times you will always worry about whether the other party will misunderstand, gain and lose, and at work, you will always maintain a good relationship with your colleagues and leaders.
Reviewing one's own behavior and thinking about what the other person would think is the people-pleasing personality.
So how can you really change other people's attitudes towards you?
The difference between the people-pleasing personality and the flattered personality is [value].
When you generate enough [value], or are scarce enough, that the cost of replacing you is higher than the cost of continuing to maintain the status quo, then even if you make them have some misunderstandings, they will reflect on whether they have misunderstood you; If you're unhappy, they don't dare to show it, but they think about your attitude.
Narrow the scope of social interaction, eliminate ineffective social interaction, and work hard to improve your [value], and the way to save yourself is in it.
Online Literature Awards