I'm even more obsessed with people who can teach me the world and lead me forward.
There are two reasons behind everyone's actions: a noble excuse and a real motive. We can't change that, but we can be stronger.Here are 12 unspoken rules of social interaction, the more you do this, the less likely others will be to mess with you.
01 Speak in a low voice, speak slowly, and dare to pause.
As long as you speak in a low voice, your voice will be magnetic; Speak slowly, and you'll have an aura; If you dare to pause, you can show your aura.
It's like a big guy in an old movie, he always speaks slowly and logically, and every word is heavy, which makes people dare not interrupt, giving people an unfathomable feeling, and others will naturally be in awe of you.
Don't be nervous at any time, show a comfortable and relaxed state, and talk to the people you want to meet as if they were your old friends.
02 Solve the problem, not the person who asks the problem.
When a problem arises, many people's first reaction is to find out "who is wrong", and then point the finger at that person, criticize, blame, and punish, hoping to solve the problem by "solving" this person.
Don't make mistakes, find solutions.
The logic of effective problem solving is:
Go deep into the root cause of the problem and find the cause of the problem;
Use systems thinking to see the whole picture;
In communication, focus on facts and avoid attacks on individuals;
Be problem-solving-oriented and let go of personal emotions and biases.
03 Inconsequential things, it's better to lose than to win.This is not to say that we are weak, but to be smart and know what is worth fighting for.
What things are important and worth sticking to; It doesn't really matter what you do, you won't lose or win it.
To make a step on something unimportant is to give yourself and the other person a space.
Sometimes, losing is also a kind of win!
Although we lost some small disputes and small interests, we won the mentality, won the relationship, won the growth, and won the wisdom.
Life is not always black and white, and sometimes, in those gray areas, we find happiness and fulfillment.
04 The speed at which you process your emotions is the speed at which you succeed.
Many times, as soon as emotions come up, it seems that all the energy has been drained.
Emotions are not a problem in themselves, the problem is how we deal with them.
Emotions are not controlled, but experienced and understood, and when facing emotions, the first thing to do is not to escape or suppress them, but to face them, feel them, and then try to understand them.
Know why you are angry, sad or frustrated, what are your needs behind it, and how can you express and meet them?
These emotions are soothed and settled, and you will be able to move on to these negative emotions more quickly and find solutions to your problems.
05 Learn to discern whether it is necessary to listen to other people's criticism of you.
We're always surrounded by people who are point-in-point, but it's just based on their own experiences, values, and expectations.
Everyone looks at the world with colored glasses, and what they see you is just a reflection of the color of their glasses, that is, a projection of their heart.
But really smart people know which criticisms are for their own good and which ones have ulterior motives.
We need to ask ourselves more, is what other people say true? Is it well-intentioned? Is it really necessary for us?
If it's neither, then there's no need to take it too seriously.
We only accept criticism that is well-intentioned, and we go in and out of the left ear for those who are not targeted.
06 Most of the people who control their mouths are very powerful, whether it is eating or talking.If you say too much, you will lose, the ancients have long said this.
Mark Twain once said, "It's better to keep your mouth shut and make people think you're a fool than to prove them right." ”
Practice the triple filtration test before you speak
Start by asking yourself, is what you're saying true?
Secondly, is what you are going to say good?
Finally, is what you are trying to say useful?
If you can't pass this triple test, then the best option is to keep silent.
07 Being empathetic is not about making yourself sad and making others happy, don't make a mistake.
Being empathetic is not sacrificing one's feelings to please others, true empathy is about understanding others while also protecting one's own boundaries.
Don't empty yourself and fill up others.
True kindness is balanced, not just giving.
08 Without strength, being kind to others is easy to be misunderstood as flattering.
The essence of interpersonal relationships is value exchange, and the core of social interaction is to see what kind of value is brought to each other.
has the strength and is good to others, often called kind and polite, and has high quality, but it is worthless and good to others, and it is mostly regarded as flattering and stammering.
Without strength, no one wants to play with you.
09 No matter who you are in front of, as long as you don't owe him, there is no need to be submissive.
Self-confidence is an inner strength, not noisy and flamboyant, but a peaceful and firm sense of self-existence.
We have to understand who we are and what we want, and then stand there firmly, not swaying from side to side because of the outside world.
When we fully accept ourselves, including our strengths and weaknesses, our achievements and failures, our hearts will be more stable and calm, and we will not be easily swayed by others.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
10 Sincerity plus any card, is the king of the bomb, but the least, but alone.Although the "king bomb" in your hand is powerful, you also have to look at the situation on the field, see who you are playing against, and what cards they have in their hands, so as to play the most strategic shot.
Sincerity does not mean showing all of oneself without reservation, and without the wisdom and discernment to work with it, sincerity alone can become weak and even vulnerable.
Sincerity needs to be matched with the right timing, method and degree so that it can bring out its greatest value.
11.There's no need to let everyone know the real you.
There's no need to keep explaining to people what kind of person you are, it's not working, people still want to see what they want to see.
Don't complain to anyone, 20% of people will be indifferent when they hear it, and the remaining 80% will be happy to hear it.
12 Never let your chips be just honest and kind.
A soft-hearted person is an unblessed one.
If we are always easily succumbing to the demands of others and do not know how to refuse, we may be seen by others as an easy object to be exploited, which will affect our happiness and well-being.
But this does not mean that we have to become cunning villains, but we must learn to prepare more chips for ourselves in addition to honesty and kindness.
For example, self-discipline, intelligence, courage and the art of communication.
Self-discipline lets you know when to be hard and when to be soft;
Wisdom lets you know when to speak and when to shut up;
Courage is not about going head-to-head with others, but knowing when to stand up and defend yourself;
The art of communication teaches you how to talk to people and how to express your meaning clearly, instead of letting people always misunderstand.
When you are strong, the world will be kind to you!
The article is original, it is strictly forbidden to carry plagiarism, and infringement must be investigated! ）
About the Author:Psychological counselor, focusing on emotional counseling, self-growth, and interpersonal relationships.
Provide online one-on-one psychological counseling.
14 years of foreign trade |English translation.
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