1 My mother's mobile phone charger is leaking, and the background is ......
Then tonight her phone ran out of battery, and she said to me, "Son, can you plug it in and try to leak electricity?" ”
I'm so tired, it's time to find my mother!
2 High school entrance examination, Xiao Ming went to the examination room for the exam, and as soon as he entered the hall, "Uncle, you invigilate the exam today." Then he took out the prepared answers and copied them, and when he left after the exam, he said to the two invigilators, "Uncle, let's go." The two invigilators chatted, "Your nephew is really naughty" "It's not your nephew!" ”
3. Accompanied my wife to watch an emotional mediation program, and my wife suddenly said affectionately: Husband, you are lonely on a business trip, you can go on an appointment! I was shocked: I'm going to make a real appointment, you will definitely kill me! My wife's eyes are firm: Well, I will definitely kill you! Me: Alas, women are really duplicitous! Wife: No duplicity? It's true that you made an appointment, and it's also true that you were killed!
4The wife rebuked her husband: "Last night you were drunk again. ”
Who said I was drunk? Who is this nonsense? ”
This is what you confessed to yourself last night. ”
Can you believe what you say when you're drunk? ”
5. The reporter interviewed the director of the psychiatric hospital and asked how to determine whether the patient was **?
The dean said: Actually, it's very simple, fill the bathtub with water, put a spoon and a scoop next to it, and see how he vacates the bathtub.
Reporter surprised: Really? Oh, my God! A normal person should use a scoop.
Dean replied: No, normal people will pull the plug off the bathtub.
6 Ponies came back from school and said to Grandma, "Grandma, today I broke two school records at school. Grandma: Smack, grandma slapped him! Don't tell me that I don't have any money to lose?
7 Uncle changed a ringtone, it was a girl's voice, and the content was: Don't, don't pick up ** or something.
One day my uncle was busy, and my grandmother called him **, but he didn't answer, and when my uncle came back, my grandmother asked: Who is the woman in the phone, why don't you pick it up!
The uncle was stunned for a moment, and then explained: Mom, that's a ringtone.
Grandma has a big mouth: Which girl is CRBT, you are a person with a daughter-in-law! Laugh and breathe fast!
8My sister is not happy with meat, this is the background, and my boyfriend said that I want to raise a Dutch mouse. He said that this was the best thing to feed after the tortoise. I excitedly said how long I could keep it, and he said it depends on when you want to eat it! I, am I so cruel?!
9One day, Xiao Ming asked his father: "Dad, how did you and your mother meet?" Dad replied, "I met your mother on the street at that time, and I thought she was the prettiest girl I had ever met, and I immediately went up to her and asked, 'I can do anything for you, but you can let me know you.'" Xiao Ming asked in surprise, "And then?" Dad smiled and said, "Then she said, 'Well, please help me move this box!'" ’”
10A: What have you been doing lately?
B: Go to today's class, make up for yesterday's sleep, and spend tomorrow's money.
A: I'll go, it's so literate.
B: Isn't this a true portrayal of our contemporary youth?
11 There was a knock on the door just now, and when I opened the door, I saw a young man who was delivering food, carrying a lot of steamed hairy crabs, standing outside the door.
I said, "You must be mistaken, I didn't order takeout."
I know". The young man said: "This is what your WeChat friend asked me to show you, this is the food he wants to eat tonight, her house has a power outage, and she can't send friends, friends, circles, I'm afraid you won't see it." Hurry up, I still have to run a dozen of them! ”
12 Girl, this young man is good, dump your object with him!
My boyfriend went to my house for dinner for the first time and asked him to go first because I was late.
Dad loved to drink, and by the time I got home, they had been drinking for a while.
I deliberately said, "Dad, who is this handsome guy?" ”
Dad said, "Isn't that your object?" ”
I said, "No, he hasn't come back yet!" ”
As a result, my father said happily: "Girl, this young man is good, dump your object and follow him!" ”