1 Auntie, although you don't look good, you are still quite sensible.
Today I was on the bus to work, and a little girl came and said, "Auntie, can you give me a seat?" ”
Seeing the cute little girl, I gentlemanly gave her a seat and looked forward to her response.
Unexpectedly, she said: "Auntie, although you don't look good, you are still quite sensible." ”
2. Go to the hospital and ask the expert, is there anything that you don't diet and don't exercise. Experts say there is. I asked what it was. He said it was garlic. I thought it was wrong at first, but then I thought about it, and it makes sense, garlic has the effect of burning fat and boosting metabolism. Experts say that garlic can keep others away from you, and the farther away you are, the smaller you will be.
3My aunt, who had never married in her life, bought her only nephew, me, a notebook, a broadband, and lent my alcoholic father a few thousand dollars for the nth time. Years ago, I went to the supermarket to buy some rice and noodles for my aunt's house, and suddenly, my aunt said that she wanted to drink some yogurt. When she came to the dairy counter, she picked up a box of yogurt and looked at it and put it down, picked it up and put it down again, and muttered, "Why is it so expensive......"My 1.94 meter old man was embarrassed to cry in the supermarket, under the pretext that he wanted to go to the toilet, and flew to the bathroom without stopping for a second. The label on the yogurt was two pieces and five ......"Why is it so expensive......”
4One day, when the husband came home from work, the wife asked, "Husband, would you be angry if the old king next door was in our closet?" ”
When the husband heard this, he was furious: "What?!" ”
The wife hurriedly said, "Don't worry, he has already left." ”
5A city man was having a good time on a spring outing in the countryside, when a peasant came running up and said, "You are not coming up yet, you are stepping on the wheat!" The people in the city pouted and said, "It's really uneducated!" This is called outing. When the peasants heard this, they were furious, and dragged the townsfolk out of the wheat fields and pushed them into the pond by the roadside. The people in the city shouted, "What are you doing with me in the water?" The peasant sneered: "It's really uneducated! It's called treading waves.
6 Because of bad grades, he was scolded by his mother for being stupid, and the child said unconvinced: There are three kinds of stupid birds in the world, one is the first to fly, and the other is tired and does not fly.
When the mother hurriedly asked: What about the third type?
The child said: This is the most annoying, I can't fly, so I lay an egg in the nest, and I want the next generation to fly hard!
7 A man went to the supermarket and bought a bottle of Coke, and when he opened it, he found that it was out of gas, so he went to the waiter to theorize. The waiter said calmly: "Sir, this bottle of Coke may have been squashed by your expectations, and you also know that the pressure is too great, and it is easy to explode and be irritable." ”
8 One day, a mother took her son to see a psychiatrist. The mother said, "Doctor, my son always thinks of himself as a chicken. The doctor asked, "How long has this been?" The mother replied, "Two years." "Why did you wait so long to bring him to the doctor?" "The doctor was surprised. "Why should we be in a hurry? He got a good job on a chicken farm. Mother replied.
9A male customer was eating at a restaurant, and when he finished eating and asked to settle the bill, the boss surprised him with a bill. "3,000 yuan is too expensive! ”
He said, "You should give your peers a discount, right?" ”
The boss said, "So you also own a restaurant?" ”。
He said, "No, I'm a money grabber. ”
10When a traveler was injured, we went to the hospital to visit him and listened to him tell him about the injury: "When I met the bear, I lay down and pretended to be dead, and the bear looked at it and left. Unexpectedly, at this time, my girlfriend called ** over, hurriedly took it out and hung it up, and the bear walked back. "So that's why you got hurt? "No, I fought a bear, but I was beaten by my girlfriend because of hanging **.
11a: "A lot of people look stupid when they speak. ”
B: "What about me?" ”
A: "You're not like them, you don't even look stupid if you don't speak!" ”
12 Rascals, early in the morning, what are you doing looking for a women's toilet?
Early in the morning, I hurried to the supermarket.
I had a barbecue beer with friends last night and now I'm a little diarrhea.
I urgently need to go to the toilet and meet a beautiful woman.
Me: Hello, beauty, is there a toilet nearby?
Beauty: Looking for a men's or women's restroom?
Me: Of course, I'm looking for a men's bathroom.
Beauty: It's right next to the women's bathroom!
Me: Where's the women's bathroom?
Beauty: You're a goddamn **, a hooligan, early in the morning, what are you doing looking for a women's toilet for an old man?!
Oh my God, I'm not wronged!