This is a psychological class that touches the hearts of parents and clarifies the problems of parent-child education.
On March 2, Xinchuan Foreign Chinese School invited Mr. Li Ming, the leader of the "Sichuan Li Ming Famous Teacher Studio" and the dean of the Tianfu No. 7 Middle School Education and Art Research Institute, to hold a special lecture on "The Application of Positive Psychology in Family Education" for hundreds of parents in the high school.
Teacher Li Ming's psychological lecture.
Penny, a psychology teacher at Xinchuan Foreign Chinese School, presided over the lecture.
**Engaged in middle school psychological education for many years, the children's growth rules, adolescence, psychological characteristics are very understanding, she through the children's cases and stories, combined with positive psychology theory, for parents to point out the maze, novel and wonderful views, people are empowered, parents feel the psychological **, deep reflection on those wrong ways of speaking and education methods.
Many parent-child conflicts and teacher-student conflicts stem from the wording and tone of speech.
Some of the questions and requests that parents ask to teachers often destroy the teacher-student relationship. For example, some parents often ask the class teacher: What did the child do not do well in school this week? So, the teacher took this question to find the child's bad performance and took pictures of the parents. As soon as the child comes home, the parents will blame him, and the child will feel that the head teacher is really annoying and has no sense of trust in the head teacher. The question raised by the parents has become the fuse that destroys the relationship between teachers and students. ”
If you ask from another angle: Teacher, what are the strengths of my child this week? The teacher will take the parents' questions to find the child's strengths, and then the naughty children will definitely find the advantages. When the teacher takes pictures of the advantages and feeds back to the parents, the parents will praise the child at home, the child will be much happier, he will see the class teacher again, he must be pleasant, what the class teacher says, he will listen, and a good teacher-student relationship will be slowly established.
Mr. Li Ming. 
Parents of Shinchuan Foreign Chinese High School listen to the lecture.
Say, a good teacher-student relationship is the basis for enhanced motivation to learn. Those children who have a particularly good relationship with their teachers and parents have good emotional management skills. When facing the big exam, the mood is very stable, and you can be stable and even extraordinary.
Many parents like to say: How much does this kid make me worry about.
The child is an angel who comes to help parents become more perfect, and he calls us mom and dad and worries about him, isn't it what we should do? ”
**Say, you can change the angle: what have children done to make me happy since they were young?What moments of happiness have you brought to your family?Your relationship with your child will be better.
Teacher Li Ming used tigers and rabbits as examples to guide parents to say their respective strengths and weaknesses, implying that children are the same, each with its own characteristics, and parents should respect their individuality, obey nature, and not forcibly distort them.
The advantages of the tiger are kingly, brave, and powerful, but they are very **;Rabbits are docile and cute, but very timid. If you forcibly change their shortcomings, the tiger will be submissive when it sees people, and the rabbit will grin when it sees people, and it will no longer have its own characteristics, and it will no longer be the animal you used to like.
Mr. Li Ming. 
Parents who are listening.
It's the same with children. Emotional children are decisive, confident, and upright, careless children are bold, open-minded, and tolerant, quick-tempered children are efficient, and abrasive children are careful, steady, and calm. "What we need to do is to tolerate the characteristics of the child and guide his characteristics in the direction of strengths. If he is forced to get rid of his abrasive and careless characteristics, their advantages of carefulness, steadiness, boldness, and tolerance may also be diminished. ”
Therefore, it is necessary to look at the characteristics of children from an extra perspective. "If someone around you accuses your child of being sloppy, selfish, self-righteous, rude, hypocritical, not having a long memory, being irresponsible, or having a bad temper, you must remind him gently but firmly and make him stop. ”
You can't put a bad label on your child and keep hinting at how bad he is. Parents should grasp every detail of their child to affirm him and see him, and don't accuse him of being lazy or losing his mind at every turn when he is not doing well. The more you accuse him of being lazy, the lazier he becomes;You accuse him of procrastination, and he not only refuses to accept it, but procrastinates even more.
Children are actually able to listen to criticism and suggestions. It's just that how do parents give suggestions so that children are willing to listen?
Teacher Li Ming told the story of American educator Marva Collins. Her mantra is "I love you so much, but I won't allow you to behave like this." "She always says to her children: I love you very much, you deserve my love. But I don't allow you to behave like that, because you're a very good kid and it's not befitting of you.
What a wise sentence, the child's personality and behavior are very separated, the personality is very good, but the behavior is inappropriate, but the teacher still loves you very much. ”
Psychological lecture scene.
Parents who listen carefully.
The child listened to the words of Mr. Marva Collins, and his instinctive subconscious was: I am a very good child, my teacher loves me very much, I am loved, my momentary misbehavior is just inappropriate for me, just change it. In this way, the child can quickly correct his shortcomings, and he will not be afraid to make mistakes in the future, because the teacher loves me when I am wrong, and I will always be a good child in the teacher's heart. The child's potential will be better stimulated, and the child will always believe that I am the favorite child of teachers and parents. Gradually, the child will have more confidence and certainty.
**It is suggested that in the face of children's small mistakes, parents can also use the method of Marva Collins to speak, to personify and praise the advantages, and to express the shortcomings in behavior, to be specific and not generalized.
When you want to give advice to your child, it's a good idea to first acknowledge your child's recent strengths, then suggest reasons why he doesn't do that, and finally add a piece of pertinent advice. In this way, your child will feel your love and kindness, and he will follow your suggestions to correct them. Because children who are deeply loved have the most energy to face all difficulties. ”
**Tell parents that before the age of 18, each child needs parents to provide about 20,000 times to be seen, empowered, affirmed, encouraged, and guided, constantly encouraged, constantly empowered, and children can more easily have a strong heart, not nervous, not anxious, will not worry about making mistakes and not being accepted, become confident and determined, dare to fight, and not only promise.
In our language, there is a lot of suffering education, which makes children feel guilty. "* Say, some children often say: My mother spent a lot of money to support me and provide for me to go to school, so hard, but even if I try hard, I can't reach her goal, I can't help but feel guilty, self-blame, I feel that I can't repay the kindness of my parents in my life, I often can't help but collapse and think, without me, my parents should be better, I live is a kind of wrong .......
We have been educating our children with this distressed mindset, which can increase their anxiety. If you wear a charming smile every day and become a confident and elegant mother, the child will have a role model and he will become a confident and elegant person like you. ”
Teacher Li Ming, an expert in psychoeducation.
Traditional family education, the most common is negation, accusation, criticism, a single use of the college entrance examination scores and rankings to judge children, denying children's multiple intelligences, which is not conducive to the healthy growth of children, such an evaluation model, but also put parents and children breathless.
At this time, one more ruler will give you one more talent. When the child has all aspects of strengths, affirm him, empower him, let him feel loved, accepted, his inner strength is sufficient, and he has the energy to deal with difficulties. ”
**In the AI era, what qualities can children possess to be higher, more stable, and farther in the future? It is wisdom, it is the 24 positive psychological qualities.
Is his creativity good? Curiosity? How's the insight? Is he enthusiastic and sincere enough? Is he brave and resolute enough? Does he have a fair mindset? Do you have strong leadership skills? Do you have a strong team spirit? Is he tolerant and self-disciplined? What about his ability to love? How is his social skills? Does he have a dedication? ”
The above qualities are the core competitiveness that supports a child's future and supports him to go higher, farther and more stable in the future AI society. Parents need to take a long-term view and see the development of their child throughout his life, not just the little score in front of him.
Lecture sentences:
The child is an angel who comes to help parents become more perfect, he calls you Mom and Dad, and you worry about him, shouldn't it? Why complain about children? Before the age of 18, every child needs to be seen, affirmed, encouraged, and guided 20,000 times by his parents, so that he can have a strong heart, not nervous, not anxious. If a home is full of quarrels, the child will feel insecure. Many parents are willing to provide good material conditions for their children, but lack the right love. What children need most is a warm home. Love parents, love teachers, love others, but few people tell children to love themselves first. Only by loving yourself can you have enough energy to love the people around you.