Chinese parents, they regard the grace of parenting as a kind of debt, and the contribution to their children seems to have a kind of demand, a way of collecting debts. In this relationship, the children dare not be kind to themselves, dare not enjoy their due rights, and do not dare to see a doctor when they are sick. This kind of debt collection care makes the family gradually lose the feeling of warmth and harmony. In this article, we will delve into this phenomenon and think about whether this kind of education is really beneficial for children.
Parents become "creditors" for two reasons. First, parents expect to be rewarded and hope that their children will understand their hard work and dedication. However, the excessive pursuit of rewards makes children afraid of parental love and sees such love as a burden. The second is the feudal thinking of parents for the elderly, which regards their children as a disguised "pension security", rather than a real love for their children. This kind of selfish thinking also leads to a lack of trust and understanding of parents for their children, resulting in a lack of sincere communication and love in the family.
In order to meet their own expectations, parents constantly emphasize their children's responsibility to "repay debts", so that their children feel pressured and constrained. In this case, the child will try to avoid any interest relationship with the parent, and will not even want to tell the parent about the difficulties encountered, and choose to seek help from classmates. As a result, family relationships become more and more estranged, and children gradually lose their sense of belonging and security.
Children from low-income families often feel at a loss in such an educational environment. They may not receive adequate resources and support from their families, but they are forced to "owe" their parents all the time. This feeling of being raised weighs them down and makes them even more eager to leave their family.
Such family relationships lead children to choose to solve problems independently when they encounter difficulties outside, and they are even afraid to ask their parents for help. In their eyes, the help of parents will always lead to more "favor" demands, which makes them afraid of any kind of financial relationship with their parents. In this case, the distance between the children and the parents becomes more and more distant, leading to the alienation of family relations.
The debt-collecting care of Chinese parents has undoubtedly brought challenges to the family. In this relationship, there is a lack of genuine emotional communication and trust between family members, which makes the family gradually lose the feeling of warmth and harmony. Parents expect their children to repay them for their efforts, while children crave independence and freedom. The conflict between the two sides brought the family's romance to an early end.
In order to change this situation, parents need to let go of their expectations of their children, pay more attention to their inner needs, and respect their choices and development. Children also need to learn to express their needs and voices, and have authentic and equal conversations with their parents. It is only on this basis that family relations can truly regain balance and harmony.
Parental care and love is selfless, but excessive pursuit of returns and turning them into debt is counterproductive. Children are afraid to be kind to themselves and do not dare to see a doctor when they are sick, reflecting the imbalance and disharmony of family relationships. Both parents and children need to think about how to strike a balance between affection and responsibility, and how to find harmony between care and freedom. Only in this way can the family become a warm and harmonious harbor, where each member of the family is properly cared for and respected.
Plus, each of us has our own stories and experiences. Perhaps in this article, you will find some familiar shadows, or you have such parents around you. In the process of reflection and exploration, we can try to change our own perceptions and attitudes to build a healthier, equal and authentic relationship with our families. Only in this way can we truly find our own happiness and belonging.