1 I took Erha to the vegetable market to buy vegetables today, and it was surprisingly well-behaved, and it followed me in the vegetable market all the time, and it didn't scream. After shopping for a while, I came out of the market, and as soon as I walked out of the market, the second goods kept rubbing my hand with my head, and I reached over, and it actually spit out an egg in my hand. You egg thief.
2When the wife came home from work, she was greeted warmly by the husband and took her hand as he usually did, ready to kiss her. Suddenly, he was surprised to find that his wife's ring had been changed to a finger, and hurriedly asked his wife, "Why did you wear the ring on the wrong finger?"I saw my wife say unhurriedly: "Yes, you didn't find out?".Did I find the wrong husband?”
3In the countryside, a barber gave a haircut in a small shed by the roadside. The man who came to get a haircut noticed that there was a dog who always liked to sit next to the customer's chair, so he asked the master, "Is that your dog?"The master replied, "No, it's not my dog, I don't know whose dog it is, but it comes every day." "Then you've never fed it?"Nope. "Then why does it come every day?"It's waiting to see if any ears fall off. ”
4 went to eat a small hot pot, and the waiter recommended the bottom of the Pu'er tea health pot in their store. There was a tuo of Pu'er tea in the white water pot, and I asked the waiter, "Pour me some tea to drink!."The waiter looked at the bottom of my pot and said, "The bottom of the Pu'er tea pot you ordered, the water will boil for a while, you can drink the soup, it's better than our tea!."I looked at the waiter with a sincere face, and suddenly I felt that what she said made sense!
5The first time I went to my mother-in-law's house to show off my cooking skills, I made egg fried rice. I was always worried that it would not be cooked, so I fried it for a while, and finally flattened the rice, sprinkled with pepper, curry powder, and peppercorns. My mother-in-law praised me and said, "This is the most authentic egg curry pot rice ...... I have ever eaten."
6 Song Jiang wrote on the wall while taking advantage of the wine: The heart is in Shandong, the body is in Wu, and the river is fluttering. If he is Ling Yunzhi, he dares to laugh at Huang Chao's husband!After writing it, I fell asleep, and when I woke up and looked at it again, I saw a line left on the wall: Sorry, this Weibo has been deleted by the original author, if you need help, please contact customer service. Haha!
7 I handed my daughter-in-law 500 yuan: this is what the boss gave him happily after he was drunk. Daughter-in-law: Aren't you holding it the same?Me: Alas, this windfall has not been in my hands for a long time, that time I picked up five yuan, the electric car tire was punctured, it was easy to win 200 in the lottery, and I didn't go for a while to scrape someone's car, and I just paid it all to others. At this time, the daughter-in-law's mobile phone rang. **Father-in-law's voice came from the other end: Liyun, I took the child to play on the street, this child has nothing to do to tease the stray dog, he was bitten, and we are now in the hospital ......My daughter-in-law glared at me, threw the money on me, put on her bag and hurried out.
8 Lao Zhang's daughter is about to get married, Lao Zhang's daughter-in-law doesn't know what's going on these days, she loses her temper with Lao Zhang twice in three days, and she is punished for kneeling on the washboard, sleeping on the floor, and searching for private money ......Lao Zhang asked his wife, what's wrong with you these days?You made me taste all the domestic violence in my life!His wife gave him a blank look: What do you know, I want my daughter to systematically learn the way of the husband before she gets married!
9A drove a luxury car.
B: "Dude, how did the luxury car come about?".”
A: "I met a beautiful woman at a bar that day, and at night she pulled me to the top of the hill in her luxury car, and then took off her clothes and told me, you can ask for what you want."
So ......I drove away her luxury car. ”
B thought for a long time and said, "Brother, you are doing the right thing, and you can't wear her clothes." ”
10 "The squatting toilet always has poop and splashes water on the PP, what should I do?."”
Hello, you can try pulling the poop into your hand and gently putting it in the toilet.
11. There is a second item on the wall of the school toilet with a sentence: "xxx is here for a visit...
As a result, the next morning, I found that there was an extra sentence on the wall: "Are you happy swimming in the urinal?"It's delicious!”
12 On a plane, there are two kinds of flight attendants that cannot be offended.
A buddy said to me with deep feelings: There are two kinds of flight attendants that cannot be offended when taking a plane, one is particularly beautiful, and generally there are very powerful people behind this kind of flight attendants;One is not pretty, and generally there are more powerful people behind this kind of flight attendant!