1We have a custom here, whoever marries a daughter-in-law, and the bride enters the door, the women comrades in the village will go to pinch the bride's neck, and the main family will give a red envelope. A few days ago, there was a young man in the village who got married, the bride was a foreigner, from the ancestral hall to worship the ancestors and came back into the house, the aunts and aunts who had been waiting there were swarming around, reaching out to pinch the bride's neck, the bride was startled, while shouting "flat you" while grabbing the hair of the lady next to her, and pressing the ...... on the groundBy the time the groom reacted, the eldest lady had already been sitting on the ground by the bride and screaming.
2 My nephew hit a vase and two bowls yesterday, and when I saw that my mother was still smiling, I couldn't help it: "When I was a child, I would be beaten when I hit one thing, and you didn't say anything after Guoguo hit three things, it's not fair!."My mother is more angry than me: "You hit something bad and ask you who did it, you don't mean a cat or a dog, we don't have anything, I beat you because you have a low IQ!."Seeing that people Guoguo took the initiative to come to me and said, 'Grandma, I accidentally broke something, don't be angry, or you hit me, you can be happy'. ”
3After my boyfriend became my husband, his title for me also changed: 1. I have big eyes, and I called me a big-eyed beauty before marriage;Now call me a big-eyed thief. 2. I am relatively fat, and I was called a concubine-like charming figure before marriage;Now call me Fat Woman. 3, I am more lazy to do, before marriage said that I was a blessed person like my mother, but now I say that I have married an ancestor after eight lifetimes!
4 sister-in-law cut two large bags of shredded paper, and asked me to help shoot a ** with her and my brother's white headMy sister-in-law smiled like a flower and said how could it be, let your brother sweep. Then I'll shoot, don't say, this thing is fluttering in the lens and looks like snowflakes. After the shooting, I didn't come out of the beautiful mood, my sister-in-law fell on the spot, and my brother exclaimed: "Sleeping Beauty needs a prince, and I will leave such a small matter as snow sweeping to you!"."Then I took my sister-in-law and ran away!
5. In the red light of driving and waiting, I suddenly felt that a place was very itchy (**Grab it, but the pants are tight and thick, but not enjoyable, so I loosened the belt and reached in from above to scratch it, so cool. I suddenly realized that something was wrong, and when I looked up, on a bus on the left, a mm was condescendingly and calmly observing my ......I silently closed the window.
6 On the way home from work today, there was a small stall selling oranges, and I wanted to buy some and go back to eat, so I asked the boss: Boss, are your oranges sweet?The boss patted his chest and said, sister-in-law Liang don't worry, it's not sweet and doesn't want money, I don't believe it's a taste, wow....I'm dripping mom!It was so sour that I shivered, and the boss took it to taste it after seeing my expression, and after a few seconds, he was embarrassed to say: Why don't you buy some apples.
7A sign was placed on the lawn of the park that read: "No stepping on the lawn, violators will be fined one dollar." One of the park's regulars noticed that the sign had fewer fines than before, so he asked the park attendants, "Why are the fines lower?"Didn't you need to pay a fine of $5 before?Attendant: "Five pieces of no one."
8 fortune tellers are not reliable in the end, twenty ** when they say me, thirty-two three, can meet the right person, thirty-two three times, say that I will meet the true son of heaven at thirty-four or five, now thirty-four or five, what about people?Where?
9When I was in junior high school, I didn't do well in the final exam (in fact, I never did). When I got home, I saw my dad with a stick waiting to beat me. Dad: "Give me a reason not to hit you!."Or you'll have to get beaten!So I knelt on the ground and said, "Dad, can you bear to beat your own son?"Dad: "Don't do this!."You've used this trick 3 times this year!My mother said, "If you want to fight, you can fight, what kind of reason to find, you can't do it again after just a few words!.""Are you my own mother?
10 In the evening, I accompanied my father for a walk and met a stray dog on the road.
My dad told me to bring the dog home, but I didn't dare to go for fear that the dog would bite me.
Dad was very firm: "I will never bite you." ”
I reached out to hug it in disbelief, but I really didn't bite.
I asked my dad, "How do you know you won't bite me, cow?" ”
Dad disdainfully: ", you are a single dog, the same kind as it, how can it bite you?"”
Me: "....It's so hard to be a single dog!