1 Yesterday after work, a female colleague proposed to play mahjong, and we each found a friend to make up four people.
When I met in the mahjong hall, I found that the two people I found were two people, and they had told each other that they were going to work overtime at night, and the two of them fought as soon as they met, and they couldn't pull it!
2The young man went to the Zen master and asked, "Is there a trick to making a fortune without labor?"The Zen master took the young man to the pigsty, and the young man suddenly realized, "You mean that if I steal these pigs and sell them, I will have money, right?"The Zen master said, "I mean you are a pig's brain, and if you have such a good thing, I will tell you more?"”
3. My wife's cooking skills are a little unbearable, and I usually cook.
Today she got up early in the morning to make egg fried rice for our grandfather, and my son took a bite and asked me: Dad, is this my mother's fried rice?
Me: Well, isn't it delicious?
Son: No, it's delicious!
Then he took a few more bites, "Dad, I don't have much appetite today." But you don't want to waste it, you can eat it. ”
I was about to refuse, but my wife looked at me with a look, and I hurriedly brought my son's rice bowl over, and under my wife's gaze, I quickly ate up the ......
Then, my wife served me another bowl!
4 Walking with my husband, there was a quarrel on the road, I got angry, and I saw a small hair salon with orange lights next to me, I ran in, and the woman with heavy makeup inside saw me stunned and said: We don't cut our hair!I was stunned and replied to her: I don't cut my hair, I'm looking for a job....At this time, my husband ran in, dragged me out, and the woman followed behind and shouted: Hey, big brother, don't drag it out, we provide a bed in the store, twenty yuan an hour!
5. Go to a clothing store in the town to buy clothes, the shop is small but there are many people.
I took off my coat and put it on the hanger and started trying on all kinds of clothes, and after a while I found that my coat was gone!
I ran to ask the shopkeeper if he had seen the jacket he had just put here, and the shopkeeper said you were too late, that one had just been sold!
Store manager, you're too a**!
6 The prototype of a straight man of steel, just chatting with his son, I said, "Mother said to God, please give me a smart and lovely son, so I have you," and the son said, "I also said to God, please give me a mother with a face full of pimples, so I have you, too," and I ......Sure enough, with his father, he can't speak!
7When I was in school, I always felt that my vocabulary was too lacking, and I couldn't find a suitable word to describe happiness. Expectation, sweetness, togetherness, dependence, attachment, being loved, loved, happy, happy, cherishing, these words seem to be a little bit worse. After graduating, I finally understood that there is only one word that can describe happiness, and that is "rich".
8 A Couple....The two are in love....I'm going to get married....The parents did not agree when they saw it...So: I ate every day...The man sat in front of his house sharpening his kitchen knife, his eyes full of resentment...The woman sits on the top of the second floor of her house every day, looking dull...And the two rarely spoke....A month later....The parents agreed that the two were married.
9 Zhang San was driving on the mountain road, and just as he was enjoying the beautiful scenery, the truck driver who suddenly came to him rolled down the window and shouted: "Pig!".”
The more Zhang San thought about it, the more angry he became, and he rolled down the window and scolded: "You are a pig!."”
As soon as he finished scolding, he ran head-on into a group of pigs crossing the street.
Doctor 10: What is that stingy patient complaining about?
*: He said, "It's really unlucky, the medicine hasn't been taken yet." ”
11 On a business trip, I ate a bowl of noodles in a deserted place, and the boss said 200 yuan at the checkout. I asked, "200 for a bowl of noodles?"Why don't you rob it?The boss had an idea and robbed me of another 1,000 yuan.
12Can you bring a boyfriend back on New Year's Day this year?
Can you bring a boyfriend back for the Spring Festival this year?
So far, a few days ago, my mother called ** again and asked me if I could bring a boyfriend back for the Spring Festival this year?
Afraid of being urged to marry, he stubbornly said, "Yes!."I'll go back together after a few days of vacation!
As a result, as soon as I got home today, my mother asked me why my boyfriend didn't come
Me: "Mom, you also know that New Year's Day tickets are difficult to buy, and he didn't buy tickets!."