Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Joke Collection - God Reply" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!）
Dude came back from his first trip to his girlfriend's house and came to me for a drink.
After drinking, he asked me: "It's also a woman, why is it difficult for a girlfriend to coax but a mother-in-law to coax?"“
I said, "Brother, you are stupid, because my mother-in-law has already been fooled once!".“
My buddy immediately raised his glass and saluted me: "Listening to my brother's words is better than reading a book for ten years!."“
That's because my brother is also from here!
I drank with my buddies, drank until midnight, and saw a little couple, my buddies turned around and asked me, "Brother, what is the experience of being single for two years?"”
I thought about it for a long time, and then said, "I've been single for 30 years, and I don't know what two years you're talking about."”
He choked on his beer with laughter!
One day, I curiously asked a female netizen: "Is there a difference between you girls without makeup and makeup?"”
Female netizen: "Of course there is, otherwise I'm making a wish by sitting for half an hour?"”
Bump into a pair of twin children and ask one of them:"What's your name?"
The child said:"My name is First. "
I said:"Then you must be my brother. "
The child said:"No, I'm a younger brother. "
I really didn't understand, so I asked:"You are a younger brother and your name is No. 1, so what is your brother's name?"
Kids:"My brother's name is Juxtaposed!"
I have a friend around me, who often mixes the pole (eats for nothing), for half a year, a few of our buddies take turns to open the money, and he has not taken the initiative to settle the account once.
Today, I don't know if this product has a brain cramp, and I beat us one by one to say that we have a treat.
After the meal, the waiter came over and said, "Hello, could you please buy an order?"“
Second friend: "Oops, I didn't bring any money out today."
Waiter: "You can swipe your card." ”
Second friend: "But I forgot to bring the card out."
That's when my other buddy said, "You can wash the dishes!."”
This guy said what I thought, I don't bring money for a treat, I deserve you!
Our manager is a strong woman, once, I was playing on my mobile phone at work and happened to be seen by the manager, and the female boss scolded me, and I kept my head down and kept silent. Such a reaction may have angered her, and she changed her calm tone and roared, "Why don't you speak, are you not convinced!".”
I explained, "No, my girlfriend won't let me talk to pretty women!".”
As a result, she laughed, and I instantly felt how witty I was!
Chat with a girl who has a very ambiguous relationship and say that she wants a doll.
After hearing this, I decisively agreed to give her one.
Unexpectedly, after receiving the gift, the girl said righteously: "Nothing to be courteous, either a traitor or a thief, what do you want to do?."”
I hesitated for a moment, then wittily replied, "I don't want to steal!".”
We'll be together for the rest of us
One day on the highway, I was idle and bored, and there happened to be a truck full of pigs next to me, so I said to my husband next to me, "Look!".A whole carload of your relatives. “
Who knew that my husband didn't look back and said, "If I didn't marry you, I could be a relative of them!?."”
A husband buys an expensive necklace for his wife.
The beautiful female clerk asked, "Sir, do you want to engrave your lover's name?"”
The husband thought for a while and said, "No, just engrave 'give me the only love', so that in case of divorce, I can still use it!."”
Yesterday I went to the underwear store to apply for a job and stood all day.
In the evening, the hostess said to me, "Go back, this is not for you!".“
I was tired of the day, and I didn't say it sooner, so I got angry and asked, "Why?"“
The proprietress explained: "Your breasts are so big that customers turn their heads and leave when they see you." “
I shook my chest and walked away with my head held high.
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