It was a sunny weekend in spring, and I decided to bring a earth-shaking change to my life with a dagger that had been polished by time. So, I hid from my husband and quietly stayed at my male girlfriend's house for a few days.
The male girlfriend's name is Jie Xi, and he is a confidant I have known for many years. We have a deep friendship and a tacit understanding with each other, as if they are the mirror of the soul, reflecting each other's truest selves. He was always there for me when I was at a low point in my life, giving me endless support and understanding. But this time, I chose to hide it from my husband and chose this decision that made me both heartbroken and trembling.
Living in Jae-hee's house, I felt a kind of freedom that I had not felt for a long time. We savored the city's nightlife together, wandering under the bright neon lights, and talking to each other sometimes laughing and sometimes whispering. He gave me not only physical sustenance, but also a kind of spiritual comfort. I felt as if I was in a dream world, which made me forget the triviality and dullness of life.
But dreams are dreams after all, and when I woke up, I realized that I had unknowingly lost my place in my family during this bizarre journey. By the time I got home with my tired and guilty body, everything had changed beyond recognition.
The husband waited in the living room, his eyes full of anger and disappointment. I looked at him in amazement, not understanding what was happening. He didn't give me a chance to explain, and rushed up directly to ask: "What the hell did you go to?"Why are you hiding it from me?His voice was full of indignation, as if it were a sharp knife and a straight heart.
I stammered as I explained, trying to get him to understand why I was leaving. But his face became even more gloomy, and he shouted angrily, "You're doing well outside, aren't you, don't you want to go home?"Then don't come back!His words were like a heavy slap in the face, and I instantly came to my senses.
I didn't expect this choice to come at such a cost, I thought I would be able to find myself in this short journey, but I didn't expect to lose more in the end.
Do you think it's annoying at home, think I'm annoying?My husband's voice was low and cold. I looked at the resentment and pain in his eyes, and my heart was like a knife. Perhaps, I was really wrong. Instead of running away from the problem, I made it more complicated.
Go back, back to your boyfriend. My husband's words made me instantly understand that what I had lost in this journey was not only the warmth of my family, but also my husband's trust and dependence on me. His disappointment in me was like an unforgettable knife embedded deep in my psyche.
I can't get it back, and I can't explain it clearly. My husband left me no room for anything, and he opened the door of the house indifferently, as if to expel a stranger. I walked away, and when I looked back, I saw the door slowly closing, as if the gap between us was gradually closing as I left.
I walked through the silent streets, filled with remorse and pain. Perhaps, this is my own doing, an irreparable miss. Looking back, I realize how rash and blind I was that the happiness I thought I could find elsewhere was only an empty joy in the end.
Family is a city, I thought I could fly freely in this city, but I didn't know that in the end, there was only me and my husband in this city, and I chose to leave. Perhaps, life is like this, when you think you can do whatever you want, you will encounter the most unexpected blows.
Walking on unfamiliar streets, I felt helpless and lonely. It was all like a dream, a dream that intoxicated me and made me miserable. I don't know what the future holds, I just know that the road ahead is long and I have to face my choices.
Perhaps, this is the beginning of change, an opportunity for me to reflect and grow. In the midst of loss, perhaps I can find a more authentic version of myself and re-examine the value and meaning of life. I don't know what this experience will leave on my life, but I believe that every choice and experience is an integral part of life.
Walking on the streets at night, I bid farewell to the happiness of the past and the innocence I once had. Perhaps, this is a necessary process, a stage that makes me more mature. The future is unknown, I can only grasp the present and work hard to face it, hoping that one day I can find true happiness on the path I have chosen.