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I never understood how they came together.
The man is fond of reading and drinking tea, and his description of "Dream of the Red Chamber" is like a treasure in the home, and the elegance of his eyebrows is obvious.
Not surprisingly, he was born into a declining family of landowners and was educated in a private school at a young age. His father was a poor farmer and gave him only a few acres of land in his lifetime. Although he later experienced the fate of ruining his family and wandering around, some things have penetrated deep into his heart and have had a profound impact on his words and actions.
She didn't know a single big character about the woman, she grew up under the oppression of her stepmother, she had a deep respect for food and land, and she had worked hard all her life.
When I have free time, I read books and sip teaI'm sorry, but this wasn't done for the sake of business, and I have to reprimand it loudly.
Despite this, they did get married, had five daughters, and eventually managed to provide for four of them.
My mother, their second daughter, married a son-in-law and gave birth to children for me and my brother. They were all brought out by their grandparents. Therefore, I have a Xi habit of calling those who used to be my grandparents grandparents.
When I was born into this world, my grandfather was already in retirement, and my grandmother had left her farmland. Our family lived in a compound where grandpa and grandma farmed, but they didn't have much to do with each other. Their core responsibilities are to take care of their grandchildren, cook, and manage the affairs of the family.
Grandpa was often scolded.
Since he is not particularly good at household chores, he is very particular about eating and dressing.
He often operated the tape recorder with gusto, and sang Peking Opera with the babbling sound of the tapeHe used to buy small food for his children at the market. Occasionally, when I go to the market, I also buy snacks like fruits and sweets, and my daily life is very relaxed and enjoyable.
This kind of behavior will definitely make the grandmother who has experienced a lifetime of hardships angry.
As a traditional woman, her frugality and industriousness are noble qualities that are deeply rooted in her heart. She is a traditional woman who maintains her personality and characteristics in the tradition. An elderly person who likes to eat snacks, listen to dramas, and go shopping may have an impact on her worldview and values.
Grandpa was initially silent, but became very anxious after being scolded, and he angrily responded: "I have a pension!".I'm not afraid of anything!”
Grandma let out a "puff" sound, and although she looked a little disdainful, she still retracted some of the choking words, even though her face was still not very good-looking.
At the wedding that year, it is likely that the grandmother was envied by the young women around her for a while.
Those who marry others are mostly farmers who work on the land. At that time, because agricultural technology was not yet fully mature, the harvest of crops depended entirely on luck, and the whole family had to endure injustice from God.
My grandfather was different.
He has a stable job in Yunxi Company and a stable salary payment every month, so it can be said that he can guarantee his income regardless of the dry season or the rainy season. But such a person was fired from the company because of a small mistake. After all, in that era, Yunxi Company was second to none, and its benefits were quite good.
However, "not bad" comes at a price.
Since Yunxi is located in the old city of Gejiu, which is more than 60 kilometers away, this means that the couple needs to get married in different places. In this small city, the living conditions of the two are not rich. Unable to give up their jobs and land, they had to build small families through "half-sided".
I'm not sure if grandma is happy with this marriage.
Considering that the man was 13 years older than her, had neither parents nor brothers, and her only sister also lived in Kunming, only a dilapidated house remained in her hometown. Her mother was an ordinary peasant woman, and in order to make a living, she had to marry her two daughters to a relative to be child brides. If married to her, she needs to support herself independently.
Of course, there are some advantages.
For example, you don't need to be oppressed by your mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and sister-in-law, and you can firmly control the dominance of the family.
Later, I speculated that it may be that the young grandmother wanted to escape from her stepmother's control in order to build a family of her own as soon as possible and raise relatives who were connected to her by blood as soon as possible.
I never met that stepmother, who is said to have passed away a few months before I was born. At that time, my grandmother was still alive and I grew up with her. Whenever Grandma mentioned her, she burst into tears of rage.
Rumor has it that her stepmother once burned her leg with red-hot tongs, forced her to cook, do laundry, and work in the fields, and did not allow her to enter her room at night to rest. As a result, she can only live alone on the balcony.
In that particular era and environment, getting married and having children became almost her only option.
Therefore, she chose to get married, which was an ordinary day in the late 50s of the last century.
Despite being married, Grandma's status is still "single."
Since her husband was not at home, the burden of both home and outside the home fell on the shoulders of the effeminate woman. She is an authentic peasant woman, her husband works outside all the year round, and she has never returned home for the Spring Festival. She works hard, eats and sleeps alone, and only during certain holidays or family leave can she and her husband become husband and wife briefly.
As a result, from their first pregnancy to the birth of their last child, their entire process took up to twelve years.
It's a pity that grandma didn't bring us a boy, and in that dilapidated house we could only hear all kinds of female voices.
In the rural setting of the past, this became almost synonymous with the disadvantaged.
Without a man as a member of the family, the likelihood of being bullied increases significantly.
Grandpa only came home a few times a year, and despite his enviable profession, he was far from strong enough to protect his wife and daughter.
At that time, there were disputes and fights between my family and my neighbors surnamed Wang, and there seemed to be some kind of enmity between them.
Once, when my grandmother clashed with the Wang family again, my aunt, who was seven or eight years old, rushed forward and attacked each other with her little fist, trying to help and protect her mother in this way. She bit the other's nose with her mouth, and her mouth let out a "—.. of "ouch".sounds. Unexpectedly, the family held a grudge and secretly brought the aunt into their courtyard when no one was around.
The specific goal is not clear: it could be a violent beating, or it could be an even more horrific act of revenge.
Luckily, a neighbor happened to pass by, and he shouted a shout for help and finally managed to bring his aunt home.
I don't know how Grandma spent that night.
Her daughter escaped from the brink of death, and as a mother, her heart was full of panic and fear, but this helpless emotion was not easy for her daughters to see, and there was no one to tell her inner sorrow.
In contrast, she had to cast herself as a lioness with teeth and claws, thus creating the illusion that "mothers are powerful, and we don't need to be afraid".
Of course, this is just my personal synthesis and generalization.
Grandma's whole life was silent, most of her pain was swallowed by her, and her emotions were digested by her efforts day after day, never sharing them with others easily.
Even though half a century has passed, looking back, I still feel heartache for my grandmother at that time.
Nowadays, there is a term known as "widowed marriage".
When we use this word to describe the marital relationship between grandpa and grandma, it also seems to be an apt description, even if it is out of the pressure and helplessness of life.
From the grandmother's point of view, the marriage could almost be described as "a woman's painful experience".
Really?Although she was pregnant with five children, her husband was never by her side, which forced her to conceive and work hard, with little opportunity to receive comprehensive and meticulous care.
Some people may think that women in that era have experienced so many hardships, and there are many people who are still busy working before giving birth.
There is truth to this statement, but if your husband is always by your side, he can at least get some companionship and solace to alleviate the discomfort and depression during pregnancy and childbirth.
Even if the conditions are poor, you can hold the child tightly, wash diapers, and share part of the responsibility of raising the child.
However, during that time, Grandpa was really helpless.
He hurried about like a hurried guest, returning home with gifts and money, but before he could get acquainted with his daughters, he hurried back home.
All four of my daughters were raised by their grandmothers.
In addition to taking care of the three meals a day, sewing clothes and making shoes in their spare time, they also need to work hard in the production team, such as planting rice, plowing, and carrying manure, in order to earn more work and more food.
After all, she's a woman?
He is physically weaker compared to men, while his energy is divided into two parts: one part is spent working in the fields and the other part is spent in household chores.
There is no doubt that the grandfather will provide financial support for the family.
However, during those difficult years, everyone was fighting for survival with all their might, and without the protection of men, Grandma could only fight harder than others.
This marriage can be described as a true "widowed marriage", and if I did change places, I'm really not sure if I'll be able to survive this marriage.
In a marriage relationship, the importance of men goes far beyond maintaining the basic livelihood of the family.
In 1986, my grandfather finally entered retirement.
After nearly 30 years of life as a "Cowherd and Weaver Girl", they finally have the opportunity to accompany each other day and night, and get back all the good times they lost.
However, it has been repeatedly confirmed that they do not actually belong to the same world.
I grew up under the care of both of them, and I witnessed first-hand how they interacted.
In my childhood memories, my grandmother had a very cold attitude towards my grandfather, she was dissatisfied with his behavior, and often criticized him with words like "old and improper", let alone playing the suqin or reading the golden scriptures together
Despite this, grandpa rarely gets angry with grandma.
He is well aware of his indebtedness to his wife and family, so he always smiles and rarely takes to heart the things that he does not understand and do not want.
However, he also seems to feel lonely.
After a lifetime of busyness, I finally looked forward to returning to the countryside, but unfortunately, I could never find a partner who could connect with my heart.
Even having an in-depth conversation with your wife is a daunting task.
Conflicts that used to be obscured by distance have become more obvious in everyday chores.
However, such days only lasted 12 years.
In 1998, my grandfather passed away.
According to the current policy, Yunxi provides a monthly pension of 100 yuan to its family members. On the last day of the month, the old man brought a large bone broth from home. Grandma cried so much that her voice was hoarse overnight, but she never said a warm word, she only said: "The whole life with him is to earn so little money." ”
A few years later, she admonished her four daughters and son-in-law: "When I lose, don't bury me with your father, I need to keep my distance from him!"”
My heart suddenly trembled, and I thought strongly of the deeper meaning behind that sentence.
What Grandma wants to express is: I don't want to meet him again in the next life.
She spent more than twenty years in solitude, probably during which she experienced countless difficulties and struggles, sometimes crying in the silence of the night, and sometimes even regretting past decisions.
But in those days, horse-drawn carriages were slow, there was only enough time in a lifetime to marry someone, and almost every marriage was a gamble that was willing to accept failure. "I'm a good woman, if you don't love her, that's it. I've heard the word "divorce," but I've never thought about putting it on myself.
It wasn't until her old age had passed, when there were many children and grandchildren in the family, that she mustered up the courage to pin her hope on the next life: that is, Jinshui Tangtang, goodbye to you forever.
It's also nice.
I hope that in the next life, they can all meet the person who truly loves each other and has the same heart.
I hope someone can read poetry and taste coffee with him, and weave those seemingly ordinary days into a little poem full of fresh breath;
I also hope that someone can help her cultivate the land and carry water, and spend every harvest year together in the fragrance of rice flowers.