1 When I go home and prepare to tease my wife, I: Wife, I picked up a thousand yuan today, wife: Where is it, hand it all over.
Me: Just kidding, nothing.
In the end, I didn't expect that the only twenty yuan I had on me was gone, and I was forced to write an IOU that owed her 980 yuan
2 My mother asked the matchmaker to introduce me to a girlfriend, I looked very beautiful, so I agreed to go on a blind date, the matchmaker patted me on the shoulder, smiled and said, "You married her, it's definitely worth it!."Me: "It's good to be able to get married and live, but why is it absolutely worth it?."The matchmaker said: "She can not only be your wife, but also your bodyguard, because she is studying martial arts." "My face darkened when I heard it, how dare such a wife do you?
3 On the beach, two women are chatting. "What's going on with you lately, you've lost so much weight?"I was very sad that my husband was unfaithful to me and found a little lover. "Then you should divorce him quickly!.""Not now, I want to lose another five kilograms. ”
4My mother suspected my early love, and I didn't listen to any explanation, so I pointed to the light bulb and shouted....If I lie, the light bulb will break and the power will actually go out. Now, she believes in my early love, no matter how much I try to defend it!
5 Yesterday I met the goddess who I had admired for a long time at dinner in the cafeteria, and I took the rice and said to the goddess Do you eat braised pork?She said no, so I put all the meat from her bowl into my bowl.
I met her again today, and I went over and said do you eat potatoes, and the goddess quickly said to eat when she heard it. So I put the potatoes from my bowl into her bowl and the braised pork from her bowl into my bowl.
6 I walked on the street this afternoon and saw a couple breaking up, and the old excitement of each other!The girl said: You still want to dump me?You look like you're playing, 360 degrees are dead ends. Not to be outdone, the young man replied: Hello, the pit on your face, flies will fall on your feet. I want to say: stop arguing, you two are a good match!
7Wife: "I didn't sleep all night." ”
Husband: "Why didn't you try the doctor's method of counting?" ”
Wife: "I tried, I counted 456789."”
Husband: "And then you fell asleep?".”
Wife: "No, it's already dawn by then. ”
8 One night I had a quarrel with my husband, and I got angry and said that I was going to run away from home. The husband opened the door and made a gesture of please. I rushed out in a fit of rage, stood in the courtyard, looked at the dark sky and was scared again, but now I went back and was very shameless. I thought about it for a while, took off my coat, threw it away, and said, "It's so hot!."I really want to go shopping without clothes!As soon as the words fell, my husband rushed out, picked me up and ran into the house.
9 When the baby was asleep, sometimes it was surprisingly quiet, so I hurried to use my hand to find out if he was still breathing, and my husband laughed at me for being "nervous". When I went to bed at night, my husband snored so loudly that I couldn't sleep, and I was angry!I had to screw him. "Ugh!I just heard him laugh and say, "What's wrong with snoring?"Let you know I'm alive!”
10 Lao Li became obsessed with dancing and met several dance partners of the opposite sex, but unexpectedly angered his wife ......
Looking at his angry wife, he thought that his son could help him, so he asked, "Aren't you on Dad's side?"”
The son glared at Lao Li and said, "In this world, many animals show their dancing posture in front of the opposite sex, which is just a way of courtship!."”
11Before getting on the train, the mother told her son:"If the ticket inspector asks you how old you are, you say 5 years old. "
The ticket inspector really asked him how old he was, and the little guy replied that he was 5 years old. .
5 years old is so tall,"The ticket inspector asked"How long will it take for you to turn 6?" .
Just get off the train. "The little one replied.
12During a blind date, the woman asked, "You really haven't had a girlfriend?"I replied, "No." She asked, "There are so many women in your unit, and no one is interested in you?"I honestly said, "Not really, they don't even look down on me." After thinking about it, the woman said, "Then we are not suitable." I asked, confused, "Why?"She replied, "If no one else looks down on you, why should I look down on you?"Am I blind?”