1 I went to the hospital for a physical examination today to check the stool, I saw that Xiao ** was very beautiful, so I wanted to tease her.
I ran to the door of the hospital and bought a roasted red department, kneaded it into mud and put it in the box, **I said too much, go and deal with it, I said, don't bother, just eat it with your hands after speaking, Xiao ** didn't even have time to take off the mask, and spit out three mouthfuls on the spot.
At this time, the person next to me patted me on the shoulder: "Brother, you took the wrong one, this box is yours!".”
2 I saw a person who read a joke and didn't reply to the post in the supermarket that day, he quietly put his hand on the barcode scanner, only to see the screen display: pig's trotters 8 yuan, he thought the machine was broken, put his face over, and the screen showed that the pig's head meat was 5 yuan.
3, a buddy is particularly funny. Walking on the road with him today, he kicked a broken teapot on the ground, kicking up a puff of dust. Then, a fly crawled out of the spout of the teapot and flew away. He glared and said, "Oh my God!."Magic lamp!Then he chased the flies and shouted, "Come back, come back, I haven't made a wish yet."
4When I went for a walk at night, I saw an old lady picking up garbage in front and a beautiful woman walking behind. I saw a bottle in front of me and wanted to pick it up for the old lady, and by the way I wanted to show it in front of the beautiful woman, I picked up the bottle, and the old lady said a word, young man, this bottle is the first thing I saw. I'll never forget the way that woman looked at me for the rest of my life!
5 My mother's mobile phone charger is leaking, and the background is ......Then tonight her phone ran out of battery and said to me, "Son, can you plug it in and try to leak electricity?""I'm so tired, it's time to find my mother!
6These days, my four-year-old son has not eaten well, so he has to coax him. Rock-paper-scissors with him, take a bite if you lose, and soon eat a bowl of rice happily. There was something going on at the company today, and I came home a little late. As soon as I entered the house, the second wife handed me the bowl: "Husband, feed it, I really can't eat it." "Haha, my wife has no one with this IQ.
7 Just now someone knocked on the door, I opened the door and saw a young man delivering takeaways, carrying a lot of steamed hairy crabs standing outside the door.
I said, "You must be mistaken, I didn't order takeout."
I know". The young man said: "This is what your WeChat friend asked me to show you, this is the food he wants to eat tonight, her house has a power outage, and she can't send friends, friends, circles, I'm afraid you won't see it." Hurry up, I still have to run a dozen of them!”
8 The teacher asks in class, "Can anyone say why we boil the water before drinking?"”
One student stood up and replied, "Because if we drink boiling water directly, we will burn our tongues." ”
Sure enough, the hall burst into laughter!
9 friends' dad disappeared two years ago, and left a text message to the second child before the disappearance: "Dear son, dad has been in this line of porcelain for many years, and there has been no harvest so far, this time I found a new goal, we will send this ticket after it is done, and the train is coming."
10 The secretary's husband is a twin, and I laughed evilly: how do you usually divide it?She whispered that my husband had a mole on the back of his hand, but his brother didn't!And we don't usually live together!
11 When I was tutoring my son with his homework, my husband raised his hand and was about to hit him, and I said, "The child should focus on persuasion and education." ”
My husband put down his hand and said, "Come, dad will tell you." You see your father, he has been very serious since elementary school, Xi was admitted to a prestigious university, and then married your mother's ......Forget it......”
Me: "Why don't you talk about it?".”
Husband: "I think it's scaring the child." ”
12 suddenly menstruated, wearing white pants. I hurried back after work, but an old woman bumped into each other, and we all fell to the ground, and I just wanted to stand up and see if the old man was okay. When she saw my pants, she was very nervous and said girl, you fell to the ground, it's none of my business. Before I could say anything, the old woman hurried away.
13 My girlfriend is in a bad mood these days, and I behave cautiously for fear of annoying her. After dinner, I was washing the dishes, and she suddenly said: I am brushing the dishes clockwise and you are counterclockwise, this day can't be passed!