1. When he went to work, the man received a text message from his wife: "Husband, what can I eat?"
The man looked it up on the Internet and replied: "1 corn, 2 hawthorns, 3 apples, 4 sweet potatoes." ”
After work, the man came home and saw his wife lying on the couch panting for breath and asked, "What's wrong?".”
The wife said, "I quickly ate one corn and two hawthorns, and I barely ate three apples, but there are still four sweet potatoes, and I really can't eat them." ”
2Dinner with my one-on-one student tonight and we talked about what to eat in the morning....She said that I wake up late in the morning during the holidays and usually skip meals, and I said that there is a scientific study that shows that if you don't eat breakfast, after 9 a.m., the intestines will repeatedly absorb the nutrients in the poop that have been made, which is equivalent to eating feces indirectly...And she said, "It's all right."It's not just eating!
3. The three-year-old girl was disobedient.
Her mother said: If you are disobedient, throw you out, and pick up another one back.
After the little girl was silent for a while, she whispered: The child you picked up will not be obedient, because his mother doesn't want it!
4 One owner installed a high-tech pet fence in front of his house to prevent his puppy from escaping. However, the clever puppy soon learns to use toys to confuse the sensors and successfully escapes, while the owner cries and laughs in front of the surveillance camera.
5a: What is the stupidest way to do business?
B: Selling popsicles in Antarctica, and stoves at the equator.
A: How to do the best business?
B: You can sell popsicles in Antarctica, and you can sell stoves at the equator.
6The son asked his father, "Is it true that a father knows more than a son?"Dad replied, "Of course!."The son asked, "Who invented the electric light?"Dad: "It's Edison." The son asked, "Then why didn't Edison's father invent the electric light?"”
7There were two chickens in the house, and they laid eggs every day.
During the Chinese New Year, the owner carefully observed every day to see which chicken did not lay eggs, and was ready to kill the chickens that did not lay eggs for the New Year.
One chicken said to another: There is really no way to meet such an owner, or I will lay two eggs a day, and give you one, husband.
8 I feel more and more that some things are predestined by God, and I can't hide from them. I went out to work this morning and my wife asked me what I wanted to eat at nightCrabs flashed to my head and I said I wanted to eat them. Later, when she bought it and went home, one of them escaped under the cupboard, and she reached in and caught it. Eventually, she caught the crab, and the crab's pincers pinched me and hid my money for a whole year.
9 Today I got home from work, picked up an ID card and a number of bank cards on the way, and waited for a long time and did not see the owner coming, so I sent it over according to the ID address, and the owner looked at me at the time, as if I was a thief, Hey, it is difficult to be a good person!
10 years ago, I brought my first girlfriend home, and my girlfriend looked pretty good, and asked my mother in private: How is my girlfriend?My mom looked at me and replied, "It's more than enough for you!".
11. The eldest brother went to the hospital to see a doctor.
The doctor asked: What disease do you have?
The eldest brother said: I have indirect amnesia.
The doctor asked: What are the specific symptoms?
The eldest brother said, "As soon as I saw a beautiful girl, I forgot that I was married."
The doctor said, ", I haven't been cured of this disease myself!".
12And the two drunkards, drunk, and drunk, said to the other, Who art thou?A: I'm from Shandong. Wow!I'm also from Shandong, fellow, have a toast.
Q: Are you from Shandong?A: I'm from Jinan. Wow, I'm also from Jinan, another toast.
Ask again: Where are you from Jinan?Answer: Baliwa. Wow!It's a coincidence, I'm also Baliwa, and I'll have another drink.
Then he asked, "What's your last name?"A: My surname is Cheng. Haha!Hard or clever, my surname is Cheng, do it again!
At this time, the owner of the barbecue restaurant couldn't stand it anymore, and said: Sister-in-law!Come on, your husband and your son have drunk too much again!