1 was scratched by a dog outside today with a small scar, and the doctor didn't say anything about prescribing 5 rabies vaccines and handed over 300 oceans. I said, "That's too expensive." The doctor said: If you are scratched by a cat or a dog again this year, you don't need to be beaten. In the afternoon, I decided to provoke cats and dogs everywhere. I came back in the evening and counted the scars and earned more than 10,000 yuan, so happy!
2. The janitor of our unit is missing three fingers on his right hand, and I chatted with him yesterday about his fingers. He said: Back then, a group of hooligans were molesting high school girls on the street, and at this time, a chivalrous young man stepped forward and killed all the little hooligans, and the young man was also seriously injured. Me: Uncle, you still have such a glorious deed when you were young?Is that bullied high school girl the current aunt?The uncle took a leisurely puff of cigarette, spit out the smoke ring for a long time, and said to me with red eyes, I was learning carpenter in the neighborhood back then, and then I watched the fight and watched it so engrossed that my fingers were gnawed three times by a chainsaw!
3 I licked the yogurt that my son spilled on the table last night, but I didn't expect the goods to be in a hurry, crying and shouting, crawling on top of me, breaking my mouth, sticking out his tongue and licking it in my mouth, and then I stopped. Looking at the snot and tears on this face, my sister was stunned, I have seen stingy, but I have never seen stingy crazy!
4Teacher: Xiao Ming, do you usually like to watch TV at home?Xiao Ming: I like it. Teacher: Is there a line that you really remember and like, share it with the teacher?Xiao Ming: Yes, yes, that's the sentence: Oh hey!Uncle, upstairs please!The new girl is handsome......Teacher: Get out of here!
5 I am a post-70s, when I was a child, my family was poor, I picked up adult clothes to wear, 7 sisters, ranked six, 19 years old working in a paper factory, a girl likes me very much, her family built a new house, vigil at night, meet together to keep vigil, it is night, the girl is very gentle, wide clothes untie, I am indifferent, the girl is puzzled, I actually took off my clothes in person, and grabbed the pants tightly, because I wore my mother's big flower pants, you say shame is not ashamed.
6 One day a bird flew into a park, and it saw a man feeding pigeons. The bird flew over to the man and said, "Why do you only feed the pigeons and not me?".The man replied, "Because I only have pigeon food." The bird thought for a moment, then flew away. After a while, it came back with a bag of peanuts and said to the man, "This is the food I brought for you, now you can feed me, right?".The man looked at the pigeon food in his hand and smiled awkwardly.
7 Other people's wives are like this, husband: Wife, I want to have a daughter!
Wife: Well, I'll give you one.
My wife is like this, I: Wife, I want to have a daughter!
Wife: Dad!I ......I have a second-hand wife, and I can't afford to hurt it!
8 Sister-in-law Wang's house next door raised a few hens, and every day they flew from the courtyard wall to my yard to sweep them, and the flowers and vegetables were all suffering, and there was everywhere. My mom told her to lock up the chickens more than once, and each time she said almost humbly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, buy a cage next week!"."It's embarrassing for my mom, but she's never going to be ...... next weekThe day before yesterday, I took two eggs and put them in a grass nest in the yard, took them out in the morning and brought them back in the evening, deliberately let her see them, and then I found out that her chickens had a net cage yesterday.
9The apprentice asked, "Why hasn't my kung fu improved?"”
* pointed to the sky and asked, "Have you ever seen a seagull fly over the fiery clouds in the sky when the sun sets?"”
The apprentice replied, "Yes." ”
* And asked, "What about the aimless waterfall scouring the rocks?"”
The apprentice replied, "I've seen it too, **."
* said angrily: "That's your problem, don't practice well, and look around for something!".”
10The doctor touched the patient's stomach and asked, "What does it feel like?"
The patient replied: I feel someone's belly.
11My husband and I got married on a blind date, and we got engaged and married in a month!I went to the park with my husband last night, and suddenly asked him, why did you marry me at that time?He said: There was no spare tire at that time, so you didn't have the choice alone!Suddenly there is a feeling of five thunders!
12 Our friends haven't been together for a long time, and today we had a small gathering in a restaurant, although the restaurant was slow to serve the food, but it did not affect our interest in drinking, and the two bottles of liquor soon turned to the sky. I saw that everyone had the intention of continuing to drink, so I said to the waiter, "Waiter, bring me two more bottles of liquor." The waiter came up to him with a smile on his face and said, "I'm sorry, sir, don't be impatient, the chef is pouring wine into the bottle, and it will be fine right away!"”